back from a long reprieve

this is how you all feel about me, isn't it? (you don't have to answer that)

Guys, I just used the word "reprieve" in a blog title. I'd like to thank the academy for...okay what? It's been awhile. I hardly know how to do this blog thang anymore. Would you like the juicy deets? Alrighty then. Here goes:

I went hiking last weekend and I fell (not surprising). This fall wasn't that awesome. All I did was have a moment of sheer klutzery and scrape my leg on some gravel (p.s. we were on a trail not meant for humans, so it was kind of the mountain's fault, not mine). But now everybody wants to be my friend so they can find out what the heck happened to my leg. I've decided to start making a tally of how many times a day I get asked, "What happened to your leg?!" followed by the inevitable hairy eyeball. Strangers and friends alike have all gaped at my gash. What's worse is that I can't shave it (ew, just thinking of that makes me want to gag a little), so now it's hairy and scabby.

Now that I've used "hairy and scabby" in the same sentence to describe myself, this blog has reached a new low. Again, I'd like to thank the academy. What academy I'm thanking I'm not so sure. I'll get back to you.

My new job has become another new job as I got promoted, and went through training yet again. Our trainer described the new job thus: "You guys are basically fancy babysitters." Right you are! What she means to say is, I call people and make sure they're going to their doctor's appointment so they don't get denied, I call social security offices around the country to make sure they're getting our paperwork, and in the meantime I hear some preeettty hilarious stuff. For example:

• "Dear Mr. So-and-so, we are denying you for disability benefits because we found you are in prison for murdering someone. Also, you missed your appointment on such-and-such day." Well duh. Of course he did. But what was that about murdering someone?
• "Dear Mrs. So-and-so, we are denying you for disability benefits because we found your assets exceed the limit social security has established. We found that your husband has $1,000,000 in his bank account." Yeah, she was pretty mad about the government finding that one out. I"m sorry to say that when that happens, some people actually say, "Well if I get a divorce from my spouse will their assets affect me?" For reals. Free money is not worth it. 
• And then sometimes the state social security offices are busy (and by sometimes I mean always), and I get to call the national Social Security office. Which is the ultimate experience in facepalming. I've decided to make a collage in my cubicle of awesome art I have created while being on hold with social security. By the way, these are no mediocre doodles. They can take all dang day! And ya, that means it can take all dang day to get in touch with someone at that number. And then when you finally tell them you're so-and-so's attorney, they go, "Um, your name isn't on the 1696 is it?" (1696=the form that says we represent the client). "Well, no, but Brad Myler's name is on it" (he's the head honcho). "Ok, well if your name isn't on it then I can't give you any information." "But-but-but I was on hold for fifteen--" BAM. Facepalm. Guys, the club cannot handle me right now. I want to wring the club's metaphorical neck sometimes. Ugh.

Alright, now if that last paragraph wasn't passive-aggressive enough for you, I suggest going to CNN and reading in the comments section below any article.

I promise I'll be better about this blogging thing. It's just that the end of summer is kind of whacked up. We run around like crazy headless chickens for three months, and sweat out everything we thought we had to sweat, and watch Utah burn to a crisp, and then bam! It's all over and we're making pancakes on the first morning of school and taking pictures of zombie-eyed children in their classy new clothes. I'll admit, I am jealous of everyone starting school again. I miss it so. Especially in the fall.

Speaking of fall, it's almost that time again. That "mellow, leaf-kicking pause." The mysterious months when the ground crunches everywhere you go and the wind bites your cheek as it brushes past. I basically lurve it and I wish it was fall time all the time. In my heaven, that's what it will be. So if you're planning on coming to visit me up there (and I know you are), just be sure to wear your cords/boots/knee socks/beanies/scarves/peacoats. Or whatever the heavenly equivalent to those things are...maybe like a wool  robe or something? 

Geesh, that sounds itchy and awful. Forget that idea. Whatever you wear, just make sure it's kosher for some pumpkin-picking, leaf-pile-jumping, soup-consuming celestialness. Aight? 

(it's okay, I don't know what I just said either)

maybe in my heaven I'll let cats come if they look as cool as this one does.

or maybe it's just the dead leaves that make him look cool.

let's not get too hasty, now, shall we?

this is a preview because my stomach hurts

I was going to write a legitimate post today, guys. Honest. It was going to be the ultimate catch-up post, since, ya know, haven't really been writing on this thing for awhile (*cough* understatement). ANYway. Since I just puked two times (no, seriously) and I wanted you guys to know I had a legit excuse for not writing today, that's why this post exists.

Completely random and pointless. Here's what you can expect next time (no puke, I promise):

1. a bachelorette recap because why not

2. okay, so maybe I'll follow that last one up with puking

3. some music I've been jamming to lately

4. my life in general (minus the puking)

5. freckles and sun burns

6. men with facial hair, because again, WHY NOT

7. this bike I really want and can now pine for within reason

8. in one week I'll have a car. car= ..... (this is the preview part, meaning you'll hafta come back next time to find out what the ominous dots mean)

9. the rest o' my summer plans

10. fall and why I'm excited for fall and why everyone should always be excited for fall (duh, because it's fall)

since I feel weird just writing text....here's a video. which I also posted on facespace. now if you'll excuse me, I feel pukish. sorry. 

basically, I'm going crazy and other stuff

Sometimes the only cure for this insanity is to take my bike to far-off places (aka Cedar Hills) with my music turned all the way up. Usually it's Bon Iver (aka sad music). My life.

Other cures for life not going the way you want it to:

• Go to the temple. Even if you can only do baptisms, like myself, which in the Timpanogos Temple takes exactly 20 minutes, stay in the temple for as long as possible. Bring a talk with you and read it. Preferably this one, or this one or this one. 
• Pray really hard, and pray a lot. Don't just talk at Heavenly Father. Leave some kneel prints in your carpet! If you know what I'm saying. 
• Throw grammar out the window when writing blog posts such as these. JK. Honestly I'm just trying to excuse my terrible grammar right now. Thanks for understanding.
• Go running. I understand some of you are runnin-haterz, which is okay (oh my gash I just said "haterz." Why.)....but that's probably because you have only given running a shot like a couple of times. Meaning your body hated you while you were doing it, am I right? Therefore, you should keep doing it until your body adjusts, and then trust me, your body will love you. You will feel as "high as kite" (my mom would say that).
• Let your sister try to tickle you even though you aren't ticklish anymore (?!). But whatever you do, do not let her check your ears for wax, even though that's her favorite pastime nowadays, because dude. It hurts when little kid fingers start digging in there. Ow.
• Try not to think too hard about every little thing that isn't happening the way you want. Honestly, you can't control most of it, so why bother. Just let God do that part. Do what you know you're supposed to and bam, it will seriously be okay. 
• Learn something new. Like how to play an F chord on the guitar (fklafjdsajfd;akfd;asf;akjfdsa;)
• Go to used bookstores and smell all the old books you pick up, so they will knock off 50 cents at the register because "you're a regular" (wink wink). I knew sniffing books would get me far in life someday.
• Eat some dark chocolate...in copious amounts if possible. I just said copious...fyi. 

it's a brain barf

her face=how i feel about spray tans

"I thought it would be cool to have dinner in a prison...because love really does take no prisoners." (a la the bachelorette) I don't think you even know what you are saying. Like, why. I'm pretty sure that girl has never seen Prison Break, because if she had, she would've never thought dinner could be romantic in such a place.

I slept for 10 hours last night (ha!) and I'm feelin' a nap coming on right now. Something's wrong with my body clock. I'm giving you zz's so leave me alone!!!

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in this country and maybe in this hemisphere that has never listened to a One Direction song, and I never will. The end, amen.

I've been wanting to watch Clueless for six months now. I don't even know.

Everything I planned for in my future went to pot...everything. So, now I am looking for another job and/or a way out of the country in case that doesn't work out. China? Maybe so, maybe so. My life! *facepalm* times ten

I've been looking at guitar straps foreverz on Etsy and all of them are like sixty buckaroos. You do realize that it's basically a belt, right? Why are you charging so much moolah for a belt?! I can't even.

Also, I'm having trouble completing my sentences. Not sure if this is a symptom of graduating from college, but...there are half-sentences scattered all over this post.

Teaching yourself an instrument is so haaaaaaaaaaard. I spent 20 minutes trying to understand tabs. Which shouldn't take that long but I'm used to reading sheet music. Therefore, tabs are like learning another language to me.

I'm hungry. Brb, gonna go get a snack.

Guess which snack I got. Old popcorn. Do you know how tasty old popcorn is on a scale from one to pumpkin? Like a negative five. That's how hungry I am.

I found another blog dedicated to scruffiness and it basically ruined my life. I realized that the last 3.5 years of my life were severely scruff-deprived, which is okay because I understand the reasoning behind it. However, now I can be around scruff again, and that is a very good thing. If you are confused, here. Sha-bam.

Also, sometimes I eat old old maids. What is wrong with me?!

A bunch of people told me John Carter was good, including my movie-expert parents, whose opinion I trust, and then I saw it and was utterly con-fuzled. It's a good thing my friend Hayden was there to explain what was happening because you GUYS. It was the most facepalming movie ever of all time. Maybe it was just late at night and I was enhungered. Salty movie popcorn does nothing for my hungry tummy most of the time (aka basically always).

Also, the main girl in it was wearing probably a roll of toilet paper during the entire thing. Observe:

Nevermind, it was more like half of a roll of toilet paper. The point is, I could not take her seriously in that "outfit."

Me and Hill decided we would go up the canyon randomly after Institute, just because it's a canyon and it's closeby and why not. Well we couldn't find any decent trails, it was getting dark, we had no fire, no s'mores, and no boy scouts with us, so we went to Orange Leaf in the end. Ha! So much for spontaneity.

Today I realized there are only three days out of every week that I really like. Saturday=Costco samples. Sunday=duh, always awesome. Tuesday=soccer. And that is basically my life these days. Oh and looking at scruff blogs. What?

I'm gonna go find some employment now. Bye.

yes, that is a marf he is wearing.


"I'm gonna be the best dang woman I can be."
word to the bachelorette: marry him.

clueless

I could use a road trip right about now.

Everyone keeps asking me how it feels to be graduated. I honestly don't know...cool I guess. Now what? More school. But not before I get a real job. But not before I have a temporary job for five weeks. Not before I get a car, and move out, and become an adult.

Why must everything have to come before that? I wonder.
Confession time.

confession one: I have no clue what I'm doing right now. But everyone's favorite question to ask me is, "So now what?" I wish I had a clipboard that had "Ideas for what Kenzie should do next" written on the top. So when people asked me that question, I could hand them the clipboard.
confession two: Yes, I'm (maybe) going to grad school, but I feel wayyy underqualified. Grad school is for people who write master theses! What!
confession three: I deactivated my facebook again. Sometimes that thing just really irritates me. I don't want to bore you with why. Just know that I get tired of it, the same way I get tired of being in the mall, or stupid TV shows/TV in general, or music on the radio.
confession four: I have cried more in the past five months than I think I did all last year. Or maybe for the last 21 years. Ha! I'm telling you, my tear ducts are working up the heezy lately. It's okay. Crying is good.
confession five: I'm debating posting this because it's way too Negative Nancy and that's not what people wanna read, is it? You all want a happy list or something right?
confession six: Welp, this is a blog after all. And a human being writes it. Therefore, I am sorry if this comes off as cranky. I feel a bit lost, that's all.
confession seven: Last night I was sitting on my bed, with my journal in my lap, pondering. I'll have you know that this particular time of day is always ripe for revelation, at least for me. Anyway, I was thinking about all of these semi-depressing things and I started to write them out. But then something awesome happened--the Spirit gave me some solutions. They were no-brainers, too. The things you hear in church every week. But I happen to know that the Spirit doesn't mess around, so I'd better get to work.
confession eight: because of number seven, I've decided I need to spend less time on the computer. which means less bloggerizing (sorry all five of you who read this!), and obviously less facebook. you can always call me or (gasp!) write a letter. 'tis possible.
confession nine: my bike+my music=the only solution for my cabin fever right now.
confession ten: living at home when you are a college graduate is kind of hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love not having to cook for myself every day in the midst of homework and I love our cozy house, but I do feel less...independent? It's hard to go from living on your own for 3.5 years to the basement again. But I'm working on it!

Any words of encouragement would be loverly. I hope you don't hate on this blog now because my confession session was mostly complaints. :/

for emily, forever ago

i'mma be here soon...

Didja like how I did that? How I totally just used one of my favorite albums to title this post? Well...I kinda did. 


Except this post is for Emily, not Emma. 


Anyway.


Back in the day, I asked you guys if you wanted me to do a FAQ page, because I was fooling myself into thinking a whole bunch of people read this blog and asked me questions. The truth is, I am not blogger famous and probably never shall be, and so I have no need for a FAQ page. 


However, one of my frequent commenters, who also happens to be my aunt, asked me a few random questions in the comment box that day. 


Dear Emily, this is for you.


"Question: How many roommates do you have? Are they tolerable creatures? How often do you have access to gas-powered vehicles? How many cardigans do you own? When was the last time someone cooked you something delicious? Where would you go, right now, no budget/time constraints? Would you return? What does that duct tape say on your face?"


Answer: 
1) I have...er had...five roommates. They were all pretty hilarious. I've had some good ones over the years. But alas, now I have exactly four roommates, and we're all related. Things get hairy.


2) Yes, they are (were) tolerable creatures. I'm talking about my old roommates right now. I could go into more detail but I have lots of stories and I have to do the voices...trust me. My roommates currently are pretty legit. I cook dinner for them sometimes and they wake me up in the morning by bustin' down the door.


3) I have access to gas-powered vehicles 10% of the time. Ok maybe not that much...me and Isaac shared his car for awhile until I realized my license was expired. I do not own a car of my own. Again, things get hairy.


4) I think I own at least ten cardigans, if I'm being conservative. The real question is how many items of striped clothing do I have...ha.


5) The last time I cooked something delicious was my lunch! It was a whole wheat tortilla (which I made myself, chyes!), with eggs, spinach, a little bit o' mozzarella cheese, some of those bacon sprinkles from Costco, and avocado. *dead* Everything is better with bacon sprinkles. The end, amen. 


6) If I could go anywhere right now, I'd probably backpack through Europe. Even if I didn't have a budget, I'd wanna do it "budget-style," or whatever it is when you stay in hostels. I'd probably splurge one night, though...and it would be in the Swiss Alps! Oh and I probably would splurge for food as well. 


7) If that vacation played out like the movie "Taken" (worst fear), then I would not return. Assuming I wasn't as dumb as the girls in the movie, though, I'd probably make my way home eventually after a few months. 
One thing I've learned from traveling: you never know how much you'll miss your bathroom until it's gone.


8) The duct tape on my face in that picture says: "yeah, this was my idea. 'what? i can't hear you!'" The story goes like this: my old roomie Chelsea (the blonde in the photo) and I were bestos. And we couldn't shut up around each other when it came time to study. One night we were having a particularly hard time, so I finally suggested that we duct tape our mouths shut. We're not one to take things figuratively, you know (freshman year we had a poetry slam...with berets, coffee mugs, scarves...and forlorn glances. I don't make this stuff up.). So the duct tape went on. And we proceeded to write our very own "status" or whatever on the tape, so nobody would ask questions. Sarah, her sister, was recently engaged, so she wanted to announce that on her adhesive square. Chels was also referring to a boy on her piece of tape. And mine was about how my headphones were usually in so I could block out Chels talking to me and focus (which, as you can see from the duct-tape, did not work). So I would always just say "I can't hear you!" That was a really long explanation.


Want to know more randomness about my life? Go ahead...ask me. I dare you. 

homestretch (or way too many parenthetical statements)

I feel like this right now.

here i am, just sittin' on my bed, with a bunch of my crap all over the place.

(word to my mother: it's going to be organized and packed by the time you arrive)

I have exactly 3 finals left to take, all tomorrow. I was shooting for straight A's but senioritis is brutal and leaves no survivors...

(hence the graduation ceremony this friday at 5:45, be there or be a square)

I'll settle for a few B's this time around.

I am so very sleepy. But this perpetual sleepiness is about to end, I think.

And a bunch of other things, too.

Like...

studying in the library (did that for the last time today)

or tutoring in the reading center (finished that on friday)

or working out in the Hart Building (I don't even remember...)

or using that dadgum oven that burns everything (successfully made some dutch babies on saturday and that was it)

or grocery shopping at overpriced places

(eating the last week of school is straight up ridiculous, btw)

or not doing my hair because i just plain do not have time

or devotionals (last one was last tuesday)

yeah, this is what the end feels like.

it feels like fall 2008 was 10 years ago.

and I know now, without any doubt in my mind,

that it's time to go.

so go I shall!

the next time I write on this, I will be a BYU-Idaho Alumni.

(I feel too young to have that license plate cover thing, just sayin')

Weird.

oh yeah, and I don't think I can use the "college" tag anymore after this.

I'll have to make one just for grad school. *shudder*

here we go again

the last thing I took a picture of in Mexico as my bus pulled away.

It was almost one year ago that I was getting ready to leave Mexico. And when I say "getting ready," I don't mean emotionally or mentally. Because honestly, nothing could have prepared me for the last day I had with my students, or with my roommates. Nothing could have prepared me for that moment when I pulled out of the bus station, (feeling like crapola, by the way) and my heart literally hurting. It was like it was being punched.

I remember looking out the window as we drove out of the city, at this wonderful place I had no idea I'd grow to love so much. But mostly it was the people I knew I would miss. I saw the part of the city we'd gotten lost in my first week. I saw the centro, where we walked almost every day and got stared at by who knows how many people. I saw the bakery where we got goodies every night. The last thing I saw of Tehuacan was the crummy old swimming pool. Yeah, it was run-down and broken, but I still have it in my mind as the last thing I saw of that place. I tried to imagine coming back someday. Basically, goodbyes really stink.

And now I'm 12 days away from leaving another place I've grown so used to. I didn't realize it until this semester, but Rexburg is my home. It has been for 3 and a half years, and I know it very well. I know where the best food is (if you don't know what I'm thinking of you haven't been reading this blog for long enough). I know the best places to ride your bike. I know the best place to study in the library (yes, the exact cubicle). I know which park is the prettiest in autumn. I know the people who work in the baptistry at the Rexburg Temple.

But something I have come to know better than all these places is myself. I wasn't supposed to come to this school, you know. At least, not according to my plan. But Heavenly Father worked His magic and I ended up here anyway. I remember at freshman orientation they kept telling us we weren't here by accident. I wanted to believe it! And now I don't just believe that's true; I know it. I can't imagine the person I'd be if I hadn't come here.

Where would I be without having ever met Courtie or Chelsea-boo? I don't want to know.

What funny stories would I tell about Fall 2009 if I hadn't been a night custodian?

What inappropriate things would I be unaware of if I hadn't been the only girl in a Spanish class full of boys countless times (no really...sometimes I wonder)?

How lame would the college experience have been without getting lost a million times, making the time capsule, eating the G's Dairy platter with 3 other girls, having a dance party while doing dishes, stealing a piece of the hammock (that's another story), sleeping under the stars at Badger Creek, eating lime freezes in Driggs (not to mention being served by the girl who really wanted us to know who her ex-boyfriend was. Sarah, if you're reading this I hope you're laughing), jumping off the dunes for no good reason, ambushing those boys with water balloons. I mean really, where would I be?

Anyhow, I'm glad I ended up where I did. And now it's the end. Time for a new adventure. Deep breath. Here I go.

and now a trip down memory lane (a.k.a picture overload) here's a song to listen to while you scroll. man, I'm weird. everything has to have a soundtrack.

our very first concert in the Hart Building as little freshman...awww.

p.s. Rachie (the redhead) is married now and Courtie is on a mission.

still one of the best apartments of all time. ahh, good ol' 601.

I can't even remember why we went to the mall that night...but we did. And then we found a children's toy and the rest is history.

this was very late at night. a car-dance-party shortly followed.

the infamous hammock. so many good things happened there. Except for that time Liz shouted an inappropriate (and also funny) thing to passerby. And also when I fell out because we got too much momentum. Or when Chels made this face.

also at the mall. some music came on, and we started "dancing."

first and last bonfire.

one night an awesome lightning storm was happening by the temple, so we drove over there to watch. and then we got really smart and ran out into the open field to take pictures. during a lightning storm. in other words, I should be dead in this picture.

I miss all of these peeps. This is the original Willie Wednesday Crew, minus Sarah Bedke. We carried on the tradition (Sarah Willie and I) after all of these people left, and now Willie's gone and it's solo yo. Soon I shall be gone too. Oh how things change.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: don't hate on the Skintimate.

seriously.

did you know this was one of the best nights of my life? I thought the picture would make it obvious, but just in case you were wondering...

this was the best costume ever of all time. and someone actually thought I was a bunch of balloons (which I was, literally, but Halloween is all 'bout the imagination, dude)

I would really like to know how much frozen yogurt I have consumed while living here. Then again, maybe I don't...

Dear Chelsea, I miss you a lot. You come home in September. Crazy. I hope we can switch identities again like we did in this picture. Sincerely, Kenzie

Word to my family coming to visit in a week: we are GOING to G's Dairy Delights. You have no choice in the matter.

This was the first of many "Friday Night Freeze Outs."

Some people ice skate, but we ice stumbled. It was still fun.

I like this picture a lot because it pretty much explains how I feel about homework in general.

Also, Tessa should really get this framed. I still can't believe we paid $2 to go inside the Rigby TV Museum. Wait...yes I can.

Another really excellent set of roommates. Miss you all!

(p.s. two of the girls in this piksha are married and one is engaged. boo-ya!)

Dear Courtney, you get home really soon as well. Promise that we'll go on a road trip and get lost like old times? Love, Kenzie

my love for the taco bus has no bounds. and apparently the same goes for my friends. I have good friends.

mom, you could've used this on my grad announcement.

seriously.

what would college be without the yellow hat (and awkward mirror shots)?

like I said, taco bus=my true love

what a good parting shot.

sometimes...

sometimes I feel like this is the environment I live in.

sometimes I'm tempted to eat something with peanut butter on it for every single meal. and sometimes I give in to that temptation. no shame.

sometimes I smile at perfect strangers just to see what they will do. since I live in Rexburg, this game isn't too exciting, because most everyone smiles back. but some people wink. and then the game ends.

sometimes I stumble on a song I love and I can't stop listening to it. like this one.

sometimes I daydream about April 6th and sometimes I have nightmares about it. Mixed emotions up in herrrrre.

sometimes I have too many thoughts and feelings to be contained in this little brain of mine, so I write them all out in letters which I never send. I have multiple "unsendables" on my hard drive, yo. And that is where they shall stay.

sometimes I wish I could forget about school for a long time and become a bona fide musician. and sometimes I use "bona fide" in sentences even though it sounds funny.

sometimes I surprise myself by how much I bake. I mean for realz, who makes homemade tortillas and homemade pizza crust in one day? Who would do that? Not 2008 freshman Kenzie. But 2012 Senior Kenzie is apparently very self-sufficient. Or just a food snob to the extreme.

(p.s. the tortillas were delicious. recipe here.)

sometimes I watch 15 minutes of The Final Rose before I feel nauseous and have to leave the room before I slap the TV (because I can't actually slap the people on the TV, even though I wish that were possible sometimes).

sometimes I have dance parties in my room, by myself. with the blinds open. ya....

sometimes I wonder what my future self would say to my present self right now. like, "kenzie, stop worrying about everything. it's all going to turn out ok." I'm pretty sure that's what she would say.

sometimes I can't sleep at night so I start thinking about Mexico. And I can't really believe it's almost been a full year since I left that place. What a day that was.

sometimes I don't really care about the movies that are out these days (p.s. I've now seen The Vow and Gone so you don't have to). But can I just say, I am excited to the 1,000th power for this Friday at 12am. To see Peeta The Hunger Games.

so tell me..what would your "sometimes" list consist of?

{inspired by this lovely lady}

p.s. totally changed the blog name. but changing the URL is too messy. /the end/

I guess I need to rename this blog thang

perhaps I'll rename it "that's so mckenzie"

Lately, I've had a lot of people tell me emphatically that I am not a redhead and therefore should not have named my blog thus.

Before I offer up photographic evidence that proves them all wrong, I'll just ask you for some ideas in the comments section. And nothing cheesy like "the life and times of mckenzie-girl." Heck to the no. There are already 1,000 blogs with a title almost exactly like that one.

I digress...

Last week I was a vegetable and quarantined myself in my room for most of those 7 days. Being sick is no fun. I hope this is all the sickness I get for the year. P.S. my journal entries from that time period are going to be a great case against drugs someday. F'real.

A little bit of randomness floating in my daylight-savings-ized brain (yep, I just verbed that word. And verbed the word "verb." I'm just that cool. Or I've been in school for far too long...)

• There are 20-something days of school left. Twenty. I can hardly believe it's real! I feel like I need to get out and do all my favorite things in Rexburg before those 20 days are up. And maybe finally climb R Mountain?? Who's with me?
• Today I taught my student from Japan what "swagger" means. I really am gonna miss this job.
• Spring is finally here. Meaning I wore a skirt to class today. Without tights. And my sweet shades which everyone thinks are expensive Ray Bans, but really they were a buck, just fyi.
• My freckles have begun to show up again, and I broke out my Chacos at last, so here comes the zig-zag tan. I have been waiting to see those two things since I returned from Mexico a year ago (?!). No foolin'.
• I applied for a job in Provo today, and started looking for housing, and pretty soon I'm gonna look for someplace I can take GRE prep classes. It's really happening...ahh! I still scratch my head and ask Heavenly Father if He's sure. Because I'm really not. Six months from now I know I'll be glad I listened to Him.
• I recently figured out that I like wearing scarves...right in time for all the snow to melt and the sun to make me all sweaty-like. Too bad.
• Even though I love writing letters (to the 50th power), there's nothing like seeing an envelope in the mailbox with my name on it. Especially from someone who didn't get one from me in the first place.
• I've taught a bunch of people my "super-secret" superhero handshake this semester. I'm trying to spread it like that Kony Video. I'll probably fail, but...at least I tried, right?
• I made lasagna and cheesecake and bread sticks for the first time evah on Sunday and fed it to 7 hungry people. I'm pretty sure feeding people is my new favorite hobby.
• I made summer plans that include grilled cheese sandwiches+picnics, bike rides up the heezy, eating contests, and learning new languages. Did I mention these plans were made with my 7-year old sister? Oh okay then.
• I found out Bon Iver is coming to SLC in May! Best news of my life. Well, okay, not the best, but still pretty amazeballs.

What's going on wit you people? Do tell. I feel like we haven't talked in forevers. It might be because you never comment. Or it might be because I was under the influence of Sudafed last week. Your pick.

proof I'm heavily medicated

• I shaved my legs twice in the last three days (wow, really?)
• I made up a new slang term: "Holy Granola!" It just came out of my mouth like drool. What??
• I ate more produce today than most Americans farm animals eat in a week (think of that one time I hate a half a bag of carrots by myself, or half of a pineapple...that times five)
• I warned my future children against the dangers of drugs in a journal entry. I'm telling you--Benadryl/Aleve/Sudafed--whatever it is, my body can't take it
• I'm taking double-double naps
• I'm probably going to regret writing this in the morning
• I did nothing to my hair today besides 5 variations of the braid
• I'm listening to lots of Weezer. Hello 17-year old self, nice to see you again
• It was sleeting outside today, and I walked around in it, for a full 30 minutes. In my current state. I mean, somebody should just get a crane, pluck me up, and stick me in my bed. Clearly I cannot function solo
• I forgot what day it was...and what month...and maybe the year too. You mean it's not February 6th, 2011? Oh yeah, because if it was, I'd be in Mexico. Darn.
• I have this insane urge to jump on my bed, but it's 11 o' clock at night so I will refrain
• Also, it does not feel like it's 11 o'clock at night. More like 5pm. Stupid double-napping!
• When my doctor commented on the orangey-hue of my skin (seriously, it's not even that orange), I confessed to eating lots of pumpkin and carrots, jokingly offering up a solution. She said, in all seriousness, "Ahh. That's it. I've never seen this before." What the? Ok, I'm an oompa-loompa, now tell me if I have the flu! But, for reals. It's not that orange, aight?
• That last paragraph

word to my melting cranium

dear brain,

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately. I know, I know. You thought all of this reading and analyzing and typing would get you far, but you were wrong. I was a bad owner for putting you through all of it. But guess what, soon it will be over. And then you will probably be glad that I put you in a metaphorical vice and squeezed until you almost exploded. You'll get a break, soon, little brain.

I'll keep feeding you blueberries every day because I know they are your favorite.

And pretty soon I will let you enjoy a book you actually want to read. I will let you savor all of the delicious words and get to know the characters a little bit. I might even make you so mad that you send a signal to my hands, and then my hands will throw the book. It's happened before, but only when you got really into it.

I'll let you get crazy-high on endorphins when I start running outside again. You will love what the sun and the running uphill does to you. Sometimes you complain to me about it, but then after we've gone a few miles you get really excited and you don't want to stop. Soon, my little cabeza. Soon.

I will probably go on bike rides, too, and you'll love feeling the breeze and hearing the sounds of spring. You like sending signals to my bare feet when they touch the grass or the cement. Shoes kind of dull the senses sometimes. Soon enough, we'll take care of that.

When June comes along, you will have to work hard again, but your right side will be the one working overtime. That side always worked hardest anyhow. You will have to find ways to entertain teenagers. The last time you did that was in 2009. I wish you luck.

I'm going to make some new playlists just for you, with all of the best tuneage I've collected during the winter months. I will let you listen to them whenever you want. You will probably send signals to my mouth and turn it into a smile.

There are only four weeks left. I think you can stand it. You've endured pretty crazy things before. What's 4 more weeks of an undergraduate education? You can do it.

Sincerely,

McKenzie

letters 'n things

I've decided writing letters is becoming outdated. And that makes me sad. Because writing letters and receiving letters is probably one of the most bombtastic things ever.

I love imagining people's faces when they get a letter from me. Especially if they didn't know one was coming. It's lovely to imagine that the last person to hold that letter was your friend, and they were thinking of you when they sent it.

Letters may not be an instant message, but they sure get the message across. I'd venture to say they more than get the message across--it means that somebody took some time out of their day to have a conversation with you, to put pen to paper, and fold it up nicely and seal it in an envelope. And then they walked outside in the chilly air for just a few seconds to put that envelope into the mailbox and send it off on a little adventure. I may or may not be an English major...can't you tell?

One of my goals this year was to write a letter every week. So far I have succeeded. If you count packages, too...which I do.

If you comment on this post maybe you'll get a letter from me. If I know your address, that is. Whoa, did I just bribe you for comments? Guess so. Ever since I got rid of facebook nobody reads this anymore. Sigh. I'm still here!

curveballs can be fun.

eye candy.

This year has been the year of near-misses, of big fat surprises, of curveballs. My stake president once said that God loves "at-the-buzzer" moments. He loves giving us those curveballs to see what we will do--will we go back and get the plates again, even though we've tried a whole bunch of times before? Will we take that leap of faith because we know "the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth"? That has been my big challenge lately (and when I say "lately," I mean the last few years that I can remember), and man has it been exciting.

We had a devotional on Tuesday which I would highly recommend reading. It was all about patience; how sometimes the Lord asks us to step away from something for awhile because it's not time for that yet--and He will reward us with it later (or something better). She also said that there will be times in our lives when we will feel like nothing is happening--but we have to keep being obedient, anyway. How many times did Nephi have to go back for the plates? Well, more than once. Just because God asked you to do it, that doesn't guarantee it will be easy. In fact, it usually means the opposite.

Remember that post I wrote at the beginning of the semester about surprises? They haven't stopped since day one. Thank goodness! Otherwise my life would be pretty dull, and I wouldn't really have anything to blog about, except for maybe peanut butter and you tube videos. Bo-ring.

Here's an itty-bitty list, to give you an idea of how good I have had to get at playing catch with God:

• deciding on a career pretty much at the last minute
• deciding on grad school, also at the last minute
• deciding on grad school at BYU, say what?! I don't know whose idea that was. Actually, I do. Not mine.
• realizing now why a lot of things in the past 3 years happened. this. is. cool. and also why you should keep a journal, yo.

The main point is, God is aware of every little detail in our lives, and whether you want to believe it or not, He's behind a lot all of the awesomeness happening to you right now. Sha-bam. Thus I conclude my slightly longwinded post and return to the land of finals week. I hope I come out of this alive.

not enough room for a gratitude list done the mcfrenzy way

You know I pretty much write a gratitude list every Monday, right? Even if it doesn't show up on this blog, those things are all over my journal. And yet I never run out of things to list. 'Tis wonderful.

1. haircuts, because sometimes your hair becomes more like a mane, and then it's just a drag. yay for scissors.
2. the amazing music I have discovered this year. the trick is to surround yourself with people that don't listen to music on the radio...and sha-bam, you will have excellent taste in music.
3. Preach My Gospel. It has become my new favorite study compadre with the scribbers.
4. fuzzy scarves, fuzzy hats, fat puffy vests and coats. i really don't mind the cold because then I get to wear layers.
5. red nail polish, it makes me feel kind of classy. and then I wear old basketball shorts to bed...
6. the night sky. all you gotta do is look up and you'll get lost.
7. autumn, for sticking around long enough for me to relish it. sometimes I wish every month was October.
8. my parents, for helping me make sense of everything that doesn't make sense in this 21-one-year old mind.
9. those funny siblings o'mine. they never cease to crack me up.
10. memories of mexico. it's nice to have good places to back to in your head and live in for awhile, even if it's just for a few minutes.
11. excitement for the future even though I have no idea what's in it.
12. everyone who has ever made me laugh, smile, or cry. you make me feel alive, and that is a good thing.

inevitably, the sun is going to shine through

even the sun finds a way.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and a lot of it hasn't been encouraging. I know I'm one of those people that's black or white--if I'm happy, I'm really happy, and if I'm sad, I'm really sad. Most of the time, I'm on the brighter side of things. Perhaps it's the weather...I really miss October and autumny-ness. It never lasts long enough where I choose to live. And lately I have been in a shlump, if you will. I feel like a good strike of lightning would cure me, or something to that effect. The thing with life is, you can't wait for stupendous things to happen--you have to make them happen yourself.

I've been reading in my old journals to help me make sense of things. I re-read my journal a lot, because the truth is, most of the hard stuff doesn't make a lot of sense until it's in your rear view mirror. I think it's pretty silly of me to think that one day I'm going to be able to "get it"--that I'll get a trial and be able to say, "Okay, I know exactly what I'm supposed to learn from this." It seems that one of the biggest lessons I have been needing to learn from trials is that I can't do it alone. I can't figure life out by myself; and when I try, I do a really bang-up job. The other half of this crazy equation is that I often feel like I can't figure out what the Lord wants me to do. I sometimes think I have it figured out, and then I'm surprised yet again. I'm constantly being turned around. So right now the trick is being in tune and then putting one foot in front of the other, even if it doesn't make any sense. That's basically the story of my life. And probably all of our lives...

One thing I've found to be helpful is to look for patterns in our lives, just to get a "sneak-peek" as to where the Lord is leading us. One pattern I've noticed is friendship...I seem to make really awesome friends who change my life, and then bam, they get taken away from me. Por ejemplo: Liz, Chelsea, Courtney, Tessa. One of them is married, two are on missions, one is four hours away from me. I could do a whole post about boys and my bad timing in that area, but we've already discussed that this week. So maybe Heavenly Father is teaching me to love people as much as I can while I have them because I never know when they'll be gone. Or maybe he's teaching me how to be on my own...to love myself and be comfortable with myself.

So in the meantime, while I wait for that friend who I get to keep for forever, I've got a few things to check off my "to-do list."

• make the cookies from this blog and then initiate "random acts of cookies." holy hannah, yes.
• learn how to play the guitar, probably during winter semester because I know who to ask to teach me (that means you, dan).
• hike Timp. somebody, please, next summer, we must do this. anyone.
• run a half-marathon. amen and amen.
• read lots and lots of books on that booklist o'mine.
• venture down to south america.
• cut my hair. goodbye long locks.
• have another night of spontaneity with Tessaface. Let's find another random concert to go to, yes??
• stop worrying. it's hard, but I can do it.

what are you going to do to make life sweeter? divulge in the comments, yo.

go forth.

If you would like some more cool stuff to look at, go here. It's my tumblr, and it is where my right brain manifests itself. Word.

a not-so-happy list

So I was going to put a happy list on here, like I usually do on Mondays, but I got home and I just feel like sleeping. That's all I feel like doing these days. And yet, a Spanish test looms on the horizon. As well as some more homework. More and more. It never ends. Then there's registration, which I can't even do yet because my Fast Grad hasn't been approved. It's ok if you don't understand any of this...I don't either.

here's what's been circulating in my brain lately:

• boy who is dumb and uses girl for selfish reasons. and then never talks to her again.
• boy who doesn't ever talk to the girl unless more people are around.
• boy who makes the girl feel awkward even when she says hello. this isn't really the boy's fault....but still. STILL. you bring out the awkwardness in me. is this normal?
• boy who makes the girl think he likes her until she sees him with another girl. say wha?? did you just punk me or something?
• boy who obviously likes a girl and then takes a million jillion years to ask her out, in the meantime she's over-analyzing everything he does/doesn't do and tries to avoid him in order to avoid more things to analyze, but it does not work.
• as you can see, boys are on the brain. what can I say? I've been at BYU-Idaho for too long. oh, and everybody, I mean every.body. is getting engaged. At the same time. Does anyone have a cure for this "all of my friends are getting married" phenomenon? Should I just go for a long run....all the way out of Rexburg? haha

Clearly, I need advice. Or a new stuffed animal.

this better be hormones

In the past week I have found myself on the verge of tears just a few times, but I'm not even sure why. Today in Old Testament we were sitting there talking about the 2nd coming and all of sudden and I had to hold back a sob. A sob, people!! I don't sob! Ugh. Well on Monday the same thing happened, in the same class, because something the teacher said made me think of a dream I had a little while ago, which also made me want to cry right then. And I nearly did. I just hafta talk myself out of it...

"Kenz...c'mon...you are NOT gonna cry in front of all these people. Keep it together, man!"

Sometimes the urge will come while I'm walking to class and I see the picnic table I once did a ninja-jump off of my freshman year. Because I remember how young and inexperienced I was then, and I remember how Courtney was with me, and I think about how I'm going to leave this place soon...and...and...I just get kinda melancholy. Hence the tears.

Or other times I'll be sitting in church looking around at all of the people I know and wondering what will happen with their lives after we all leave...and I think about what's going to happen to me, and when I realize I don't know, I want to cry.

Then there's those moments when I am sitting in devotional and the speaker says something that I know, I know, God probably told him to put in his talk just for me, and I want to cry right then but not in front of the whole student body! Honestly....my tear ducts have no pride.

The worst, and by that I mean the most embarrassing, is when I walk by the many construction sites and I see the Mexicans working...and that gets me thinking about Mexico...and by that point I can't even stop. I just have to use my scarf as a mask so no one will see my face, crying.

If this isn't hormones, there's only one explanation: I have Anderson blood running through my veins.

surprises

I've only been in Rexburg for four days (only four?!) but already I've been surprised by my Heavenly Father. I think I've mentioned before how much He enjoys "one-upping" me. I think I've got everything figured out..and then He kindly points me in the right direction--which is usually a place I never even thought about looking.

I'm glad He doesn't answer all of my prayers the way I want Him to. Otherwise I would've married Christopher Hardisty from the 3rd grade by now. And I probably would've gone to BYU instead of BYU-Idaho. I might even be living at home.

So here's to the element of surprise when it comes to our life plans. Jones Stephens said "I have learned that the head does not hear anything until the heart has listened, and that what the heart knows today the head will understand tomorrow." I fully believe in this. I also think you could substitute "head" with "natural man" and "heart" with "spirit."

Sometimes it's something as simple as randomly reconnecting with old friends from freshman year 3 years ago. I love reunions!

Or deleting a number from your phone you never thought you would. Sweet release!

Or maybe it's in becoming really good friends with a girl you've known for awhile but never really hung out with until now.

It could be in changing up your class schedule 48 hours before school starts and realizing that even though it was dissappointing to drop soccer at first, the Old Testmament Class was made for you.

Perhaps it's in getting a calling you never thought was coming to you. My mental reaction: "Who, me?!" [more about this latah]

It could be in switching jobs kind of at the last second. I love good impulses. Ha.

Maybe it's in crushing on someone you would have laughed at the thought of liking a few years ago. Laughed. Out. Loud.

It could be in attending that x-country information meeting. X-country, the last time you and I were friends was in 9th grade. Let's reconcile.

Here's to a fantastic fall semester!

flashback!

oldish things on my camera you never saw be' fo.

yep, we took pictures in the rigby idaho tv museum bathroom. phew. what a title!

and what babes, no?!

she'd kill me if she saw this. but guess what, she's in south america, haaaa!!!

in case you were doubting how many freckles i actually get in the summertime,

there's your proof. and also evidence that i am pretty crazy.

she can ride her bike with no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars.

nevermind.

word: I miss these people.

more freckles+a double chin, wasssssup!

view from the church offices building. nice place, temple square.

the first trick she wanted to show me when i got home from mexico was this.


maybe we like to go to the toy section at target late at night...and maybe you're jealous.


fun fact: allie likes wedding stuff to the extreme.
more fun fact: tessa likes to sit on her lap while she reads wedding magazines.
aren't they great, though?

this picture is just funny. this is how it went down.
"hey taylor, can I take your picture?"
"wha?"
*SNAP*
too late, deed done.


lori: "aww, why do we always have to get a booty picture?"


look who found his way into my poetry anthology!


a little over a year ago, I was at the oregon coast. sigh.

ellie's never been a very avid hiker. so when we got to the top of the church offices building, what did she do? take a nap of course...what would you have done?

next up: the day we went to Rigby and stuff...