This is What I Mean by "Chill Out," Only Funnier

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My Lizzy

Okay, so she isn’t really mine. I didn’t give birth to her (thank heavens cause we don’t look alike…), I didn’t sign any papers claiming her, but I’ve gotten to be her friend for nine whole years now, and so I think that gives me rights to the “m” word. What was it about us in the pre-existence that made Heavenly Father decide to put us back together again? Did He know we’d need each other during certain events in our lives? Check yeah! I don’t really want to know what kind of a person I’d be like without that girl. Maybe if we did a George Bailey-esque rewind and took her out of the equation, I’d be a bit more serious. A bit more socially awkward…okay, better make that a lot more socially awkward. A lot of things wouldn’t seem silly to me (examples: bagels, WinCo, goldfish, toilet paper, corn nuts). A lot of things would feel too serious and ordinary (more examples: grocery shopping, first dates, public speaking)--but all because I met her at that glorious 10th birthday party nine years ago, I don’t have to worry about my life being Liz-less. My mother, of course, was the reason we met in the first place. I didn’t think Lizzy would ever want to be friends with a girl like me. The main reason for this is because she wore Gap Kids clothes. I mean, a lot of her wardrobe was Gap Kids. Why would a Gap Kids girl wanna hang out with a brownish-redheaded, brace face girl like me? I may never know this, but I am so grateful that she did--so grateful in fact, that I don’t even have the right words to express it. I love you, Liz. Happy 19th Birthday!

Chill Out

There is too much sadness in this world! People are worrying too much about life when there is still SO much to be happy about! I decided a few weeks ago to make it my little mission to make at least one person smile every day. The ultimate goal is to cheer up everybody I come across. Why should we be unhappy when the gospel has been restored to the earth? We have a living prophet! We have temples all around us (some more than others, but they are practically sprouting up everywhere!), missionaries in the field, and the power of the Holy Ghost to guide us each day. President Monson said this about happiness: "To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man." If you see somebody that needs groceries carried to their car, or someone with a sad look on their face, or even somebody who is in a really bad mood, you should throw them a smile or a helping hand. It makes all the difference in the world! You won't worry about the state of the world because you're built on the "rock" mentioned in Helaman 5:12 (if you haven't read that scripture recently, look it up). Yeah, we're going to have trials and bad days and even times when we don't think we can go any further. But that's when the one who already went through it all will carry you. All I want for this world is for people to just chill.... and look around at all of the things we can be happy about!

Infinite Valentine

For God
so loVed the world, that
he gAve
his onLy begotten Son, that whosoever
beliEveth
iN him should
noT
perIsh, but have ever-
lastiNg
lifE. John 3:16

What's been happening at your nearest Quizno's? You Don't Want to Know...

• Something which disturbs me greatly: the fact that the dumpster always smells like a dead body and today two cop cars were over there. Oh dear…

• Something inevitable: The fact that I always work with Dee/McKay and I always end up laughing while eating pickles simultaneously for my entire shift.

• The fact that when I’m running the register we always seem to run out of stuff, a.k.a. paper, staples, and sanity.

• People make me laugh. Seriously. This guy once added bacon to his prime rib sandwich. I wanted to ask, “Would you like a heart attack on the side?” Also, don’t ask me what comes on the Turkey Ranch and Swiss. You know. And when I say “Is this for here or to go?” don’t answer “Yes.” Because that confuses both of us and turns the ordering process into yet another awkward moment. Mostly for me. Because I didn’t ask you a yes or no question.

• On Saturdays, you can do a few things when the bidnez gets slow: dip the bread ends in the oil and see how soon they will catch on fire in the oven, play Frisbee with the flatbreads, catch stuff with the knives, and/or sit up front and wait for a customer to come in. When someone does approach the door, we play “not it.” Slackers!

• We think that the sink up front is possessed. Every time you turn the hot water up, the faucet rattles and shakes and roars and then with a final gasp, the water stops running. Some of us think it’s the ghosts of employees past.

• The “muzak” player has two choices of songs: 1, “the-I’m-too-old-to-be-hearing-this-nonsense-and-will-you-please-get-me-an-aspirin,” and 2, “Should’ve had a V8!” (that’s how bad it is. It will make you feel like you’re eating junk food.
  
• Funny: how 75% of all customers run straight into the door that says "Please Use Other Door" and then continue trying to open it even though it's locked. Some people even shake it until they think it will break off the hinges. You know what? You could always take a mili-step to the left and use the door that's unlocked. Just to make things easier. And less humiliating.
• Funnier: The person who every once in a while walks in and says, "Why'd you get rid of your orange chicken?" Then I have to make sure I'm wearing my Quizno's shirt and that all of our Quizno's logos are in full view before I point out the (even more) obvious. "Uhhhh, Panda Express is next door." Then they give me another puzzled look and (you guessed it), try to exit out the door that is locked. Strike two!
• Funniest: When we run out of stuff at the pepper bar, people usually tell us that we need to restock and we take care of it. Others, however, take matters into their own hands. There are three big jars of the peppers on display above the actual pepper bar. Who knows how long they've been there. Well, once this lady decided she was going to try and crack one of 'em open. She huffed and puffed and still couldn't unscrew the darn thing! Finally we told her that those jars were display only...and that she probably shouldn't open them for the sake of her nose.