brain barf + road trip

there's no reason this is here besides the fact that I think it is chilarious.

As they say in Mexico "ya me voy!"

Meaning...I am leaving.

Here's another brain barf from class on Thursday, for your entertainment. Have a faaaaaaaaabulous weekend. Even if it snows where you are. :(

Dear inner child,

Hello there. It’s been far too long since we last spoke, and I’ve been thinking about you lately. Do you still try to ride your bike past the mailbox when nobody’s looking? Do you still take risks? Do you still spend hours drawing one little picture just to give your mom? Do you tell her you love her? Do you purposely leap into deep puddles and get mud on your skirts? You see, I’ve been too closed up in myself lately, sealed there like an unopened envelope. I need to be opened. I need to look at someone, and have their eyes (whatever the color) slice right through me, and let all of this real me out. You were the one who always ate too much cotton candy at the fair. You were the one that climbed trees barefoot when it was dark outside, the one who always thought the next-door neighbor lady was a witch, the one who fetched all of your brother’s wiffle balls that always found themselves on the other side of the fence. You looked fear in the eye without blinking, always winning the staring contest. Now I want to win.

If you think that's weird, you should see the brain barfs in my journal. Ha.

ok, I'm really leaving now, off to hike or picnic or run or play soccer with my broski.

g'bye.

thursday poem

swimming in a stream

it feels like an ocean

but i surface

and then,

camp alpine

i was a child then

too young to know

everything

but i thought i did

the smell of pine

woke me up

if i could rewind

to any time

it'd be then

so i could tell

my 12-year-old self

to walk slower,

breathe deeper,

love longer

what i still don't know

How many licks it takes

How many looks it takes

Why the moon turns yellow in autumn

Or why autumn feels so melancholy

How death comes in without knocking

How death leaves without crying

Why the sound of her voice

Is never the same to me,

Sometimes I could swear it was

Just a ghost, just the sound of my

Childhood

How many years before the smell of

Your first classroom goes away

How many friends will die before me

How many will have children that look

Just like them

Why evergreens smell like perfect love

And why I know what perfect love smells like

Why cement hurts so much

And why it is always what I fall onto

Why the scars on my sides don’t fade

Won’t fade

And they serve as reminders of my mistakes

Why we have to be reminded

How the smell of rain brings along

Unwanted visitors

Right into my mind, right into my words

Soaks right through my clothes

Why music drifts in and out of sleep

In my bed

Of all the beds, why mine

but really it's an hour ahead

startled, we woke up late

the clocks hadn't changed by themselves

but time waits for nobody,

never has

never will

plan--pancakes

plan--fail

nothing to light the flames

we ate cake instead.

but none of us complained.

i've stopped complaining about certain things

and maybe i am grateful for them instead

or maybe i just ignore them

it feels more like gratitude than anything

words from those who know better

i write them down

but they've already written themselves

inside of me, like they were supposed to be there

all along

i close my notebook, walk home in the sun,

feel the sun, don't forget the way it feels

i see photos of people i know in

the places i normally live

their noses are red and frozen

i shake in my boots.

la ultima semana

my last week in tehuacan is bearing down on me now.

i can feel it, edging its way into my bed at night, haunting me.

and then i wake up and try to forget about it, but it won't leave me alone.

in order to alleviate the pain/excitement/joy/relief/happiness/sadness

which is starting to feel more like an anvil of emotion, rather than words,

i'm going to write something for every last day that i'm here.

starting today.

conference in a small room, baptismal font filling up slowly behind me.

cars honking outside, american missionaries reminding me of 17-year-olds.

watermelon with lots of seeds.

it's hot, i can feel my hair pasting itself to my back. oh hair, why don't i cut you off.

but i change my mind again. other people's wedding pictures can be very persuasive.

another mexican party, as soon as we arrived the lights began flashing

i'm used to being a celebrity because of my skin color

but this time it was God moving furniture

loud and beautiful, followed with rain, blessed rain.

oregon flashbacks, always accompany rain.

I was the only one standing in it, everyone else underneath the garage.

lots of Mexicans staring, I kept dancing. Even in my ruined clothes.

All my clothes are ruined.

I'm glad, though. It means I don't have to take them with me,

I get to leave a piece of myself behind, the old self.

while I'm dancing in a circle with Mexicans who have hips,

I notice that I'm dancing too, but I'm not caring

about everyone watching {and everyone is watching}

just like the rain, I've fallen into a place

I didn't expect

And it absorbed me.

i've never missed my bathroom more than i do now

see #8 below

I have a really sweet blog post in the works for you guys. I've been working on it for a week now. Yeah, that's ded-i-kay-shun.

But since it's not quite finished yet, and I can see all of you lurkers lurking on this blog every day (really, I can), I know that you are anxiously awaiting a post. So here you go.

(this idea was inspired by the lovely tessa)

a few guilty pleasures in mcfrenzy's life

1. sometimes i go to people.com to read about celebrities and thank my lucky headbands that i am not one of them.

2. i didn't used to like taylor swift, cuz everyone else liked her. that's kind of a lame reason to not listen to a good artist. yeah, i just called her a good artist. does that mean you'll stop lurking on my blog? prooobably not.

3. eating cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. my parents are probably rolling their eyes/laughing right now. they have a pretty large stash of cereal in their basement....next to my room. connect the dots.

4. i write letters to my kids. and no, you crazies, i don't have any kids yet. but when i do, and when they are old enough to read instead of drool, they can read 'em. and probably laugh. and probably say, "whoa, our mom is nuts!" yeah. it's ok. at least i admit it to them early on.

5. did you know that this is the new superman?! boom-baby. oh..uh...and my guilty pleasure is looking at this picture. the end.

6. i watch "the emperor's new groove" a lot and i quote from it. a lot. i'm also 21.

7. online-shopping. i have...uh...quite a bit of things saved in my shopping carts at amazon, target, downeast, forever 21. Who knows if I'll ever actually buy any of it.

8. reading, especially old, used books. i can spend an entire day reading a book and not feel that guilty about it. so i guess this isn't a guilty pleasure. just a pleasure.

9. driving my car around AF or Rexburg, blasting my music with the windows down, with absolutely no destination in mind. sometimes (when i still had my car) i would take the long way home on purpose just so i could keep listening to my music and feel that free feeling. ya know?

10. having spontaneous D.P.'s while doing chores, especially the dishes.

11. talking in abreev with Chelsea Ann. it's kinda funny when people get mad at us for talking in abreev. it bugs me that i do it, and yet i like it. what up with that?

12. watching SNL clips. tee hee...

13. i will have to second what TP said and profess my love for swings. i love swinging. and playing at parks in general. again, i am 21 years old. but most people think i'm 15.

14. the tv show Bones. i could go on about it, but that's all i wanna say. it's the only show i consistently watch.

15. writing notes to people. i do this a lot cuz writing is how i express myself. if you've ever received a note from me, consider yourself "in da club." whatever that means.

16. reading scriptures early in the morning. no need to feel guilty about this one.

17. having spanish classes with all RM's. I just love listening to them talk to each other! They're so hilarious and random.

18. eating baked goods. my mom is an excellent chef, but her homemade rolls/cake/cookies are the best. there's no contest, at least in my eyes.

19. layin' in bed with my chinese homefries. they crack me up. especially when were half-asleep and such. that's when the real personalities come out.

20. having sleepovers. i don't mean with 15 girls, watching movies all night and eating junk food. ok, maybe the junk food part. i just mean me and one or two girls, sleeping in a tent, or sleeping on the back porch of a lodge in the wilderness, or just sharing a bed with them, and talking. it's fun, ya know.

21. ice cream. especially from g's dairy delights. Chels and I had to set a goal last semester to only go there once a month. that's how crazy we are about it.

22. guys, reading food blogs is so addicting. geez. if you've ever been to my food blog, you know that my bloglist takes up most of the page. ridiculous. the best ones are pioneer woman, smitten kitchen, kerf, picky palate, joy the baker.....it goes on and on and on.

23. watching old movies, especially the musicals (singing in the rain, seven brides for seven brothers, meet me in st. louis, all so good).

23. i secretly really like comments, which is why i'm always virtually elbowing you lurkers. FYI, that right there was me, elbowing you. ya catch my drift?

all images courtesy of weheartit.com