Friday, July 27, 2012

the joys of (not) having a gall bladder

a picture of me back when i had a gall bladder (i.e. every day of my life up until july 23rd)
caleb's head is resting right about where my gall bladder used to be. awww. 

I'm still in a drug-induced haze, so we'll see how this blog even turns out. Here's the diet coke version (heh, I picked that up from my Spanish professor. But not anything Spanish-related...)

Starting last Monday, the 16th, I was going about my regular bidnez (work, exercise, eat, sleep, read, shower, blah blah). I had just eaten a loverly dinner of chicken and rice with broccoli. Normally I don't go into that much detail but it's important that you know what my last meal was before all this nonsense went down. Right in the middle of FHE, I felt a strange pain in my side, like I was being stabbed. Ugh! I've had weird stomach problems for who knows how long, but had never felt anything like this. I've been off of gluten, dairy, sugar, you know, the works. Nothing helped. My body refused to cooperate. I became a food snob, went on stupid diets, worked out like a crazy person. And yet, not too much changed.

So back to this epic stomachache. I took some medication and tried to lay down so the pain would leave, because I figured it was just a dumb stomachache. But it got worse, and then I couldn't breathe. What the junk?! This was not a regular stomachache. I asked my dad for a blessing, after which I promptly threw up three times. Awesome. I figured that would be all. Just to be safe, I called in sick the next day. For the next few days I didn't eat much besides saltines, applesauce, apple juice. Just fyi, saltines aren't food. They are simply the color beige plus a little salt on top. Not. Food. So of course I was starving, but everything else made my stomach hurt like hades.

On Friday morning, I was at work for one hour and started to feel pukey again. "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that toast!" Word to my homefries: if a piece of toast is upsetting your stomach, you've got problems.  I couldn't sit without being in excruciating pain. Guess what, I sit all day long at work. So I decided to go home yet again and see if I could sleep it off. The pain steadily got worse. We went to urgent care, and the doctor there said I wasn't showing any "classic symptoms" for any one thing. Earlier in the week I had googled my symptoms and had a hunch it was something to do with my gall bladder. He told me it might be that but my blood test wouldn't come back 'til Monday. I took some more medicine and went to sleep. Then when I woke up I did a really dumb thing and ate some food, which induced yet another painful episode.

Cue some more throwing up, more pain, and prayers that it would just be over. When the doctor asks you what your pain is on a scale from 1-10, and you say "ten," that's a go to the hospital. I didn't know this. I thought I could endure it, but Saturday was the straw that broke this redheaded camel's back (whoa, weird image, am I right?). When I got to the E.R., I was in a weird state. I was in so much pain that it was almost like an out of body experience...I can't really explain it, but I knew I was in trouble. They asked me my pain level, and I think I mumbled "eight," but I didn't want them panicking on me. Hello, McFrenzy, this is the E.R. People get paid to go into panic mode here. Again, the pain was distorting everything.

I remember them putting me on a hospital bed and sticking me with an I.V. Usually I don't like getting poked with needles but by this point it felt like I was getting hugged by a Care Bear compared to the pain in my stomach. Then the most glorious thing ever happened! They gave me pain medication (apparently ten times stronger than morphine, boo-ya). I don't condone drugs, people, but after the pain I'd experienced, it was celestial. Ok, maybe I shouldn't compare pain medication to the celestial kingdom...but GUYS. I will always remember that moment when the pain went away. I know I did embarrassing things and I know I was reduced to a cavewoman (in terms of my speech), but I couldn't feel the pain anymore! YESSS!

For the next few days, I sat in my hospital bed and waited patiently for the doctor to say they would take out my gall bladder, which they did! On Monday morning they told me I was going in for surgery. The last thing I remember was them saying, "Okay, we're going to give you some Valium first..." which made me dizzy, but not totally asleep, and then they said, "We're putting this oxygen mask on your face, okay?" BAM. Lights out.

Other things to note: hospital gowns are never, ever flattering on anybody; chicken broth can be the best meal in the world when you haven't eaten for three days; popsicles are great for sore throats; the cooking channel and the food network are sadistic things to watch when you can't eat anything; you shouldn't invite your friends to come visit you because they'll laugh at everything you do (drugs=bad); if you start to feel any pain the nurse will inject you with that 10x stronger than morphine stuff (drugs=good); scars can be cool; people are actually very good; Priesthood blessings are the bee's knees; God really does answer your prayers but it's His timing that counts; showering with an I.V. is awkward; drugs make your dreams even more psycho; remote-controlled beds are overrated; fireworks are only fun if you can see them, otherwise they are really scary; getting an ultrasound when you're heavily medicated is like being in the Willy Wonka movie from the 60's.

Thus concludes the life of my crazy gall bladder. May you rest in peace.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

in my bed, eating saltines

Has a sadder blog title ever been penned? I feel like a slug, therefore, I am. Some people think spending all day in your jammies is fun. But I dislike it. I feel all grodie and un-put-together and...well, sluggish. I think something's wrong with my gall bladder. TMI? Welp, you came to this blog knowing what I titled this post, so, sha-bam.

Here's that huge-mongo post I've been thinking about forever. And now, in the order I "previewed" each item....(drumroll please)

I'm skipping #1 for now because it needs a blog post all its own. NEXT!

#2: I haven't puked today. Yet.

#3: Recently I have discovered the beauty of Amazon MP3's. For real, why did I ever buy anything from iTunes? Did you know that some of the best albums ever made are 3 dollars on DID YOU?! Okay, well, I just want you guys to know that I now have The Black Keys, Passion Pit, 2 Shins albums, Death Cab for Cutie, and a Bon Iver EP--and I spent 12 bucks on all that music. That's six albums, btw. Run along to now.

Oh, and here's some music you should listen to right now. Kaitlyn and Scotty, this is for youuu!
Feist//The Circle Married the Line

Cake//Love You Madly

Grouplove//Tongue Tied

Bloc Party//Plans

Gotye//Eyes Wide Open

Dove//Sky Starts Falling

Radiohead//Gagging Order

oops..I got carried away again. Always happens with music. Doink!

#4: So here's the lowdown on my life. I got a jobbity-job. What? Anywho, I work in a sort-of call center. I say "sort of" because I'm on the phone but it's not a sales job or anything. People call me and I help them qualify for disability because they got rejected. And usually they give me their life story, and 110% of the time it's really sad and it makes me ten times more grateful. I feel like I have nothing to complain about now. Also, now I have moolah. Which means I can go to South America next year (CAN I GET AN AMEN). And I can actually buy some of that stuff on my stylin' pinboard. However, I shant forget Michael Scott's wise words on the subject:
Oh yeah...and after much thought, I decided not to move to Provorem this fall. I'll save some money (South America/Europe/grad school). And I won't hafta move! Moving is to me as Satan is to God. Was that sacrilege? Welp, I hate it.

#5: So during lunch I go outside and lay in the grass and eat and read a book. And I'm trying to squeeze in some more freckles before the summer ends, but I'm also technically not allowed in the sun for very long. Boo. I need someone to invent spray-on freckles.

#6: Some pictures for your enjoyment. Okay, let's face it, they're for me to stare at (because I'm the only one who read this blog anymore). And for Tori. :)


I dunno who this is and I don't even care. 


For Tessa. An early wedding present. 

#7: A couple of weeks ago I was meandering over on this blog (everyone meanders on this blog, so I'm not being original here). And she was having an AWESOME giveaway, which I did not win, but now I can probably most likely save money for one of these babies:

eeeeeeeeeek. If you see me cruising on this thang on one of my midnight bike rides, again, do not hit me, because I'll cry if you mess up my bike. Mess up my head, whatever. But not the bike!

#8: Ikey gets home from college this week, and he'll bring his car with him. The first adventure I will take this car on....this concert festival right hurrr. Come play with me if you want. Oh yeah, and the reason I get his car is because he's getting married. To Anna!

They're pretty cool together. August 4th, 2012, kiddos.

#9: Left to do on this summah to-do list: hike Timp, learn those songs on the geetar (slackerface), climb a tree, scera shell outdoor movie, finish the Book of Mormon (almost done!), and read a huge book. I kinda wanna scratch that last one because Anna Karenina is super hard to follow. In the meantime, I've read like 10 not-huge books. 

#10: And with that list being done-did, summer is ending. Usually this makes me kind of sad, but when I say "usually," I mean "not really," because  fall time is the best time. You all know it's true. First of all, pumpkin. Second of all, scarves/boots/orange sunsets/Halloween. Third of all, pumpkin. 





Yay for Fall! (also, CB Scent is getting home in October. Best timing ever.)

Monday, July 16, 2012

this is a preview because my stomach hurts

I was going to write a legitimate post today, guys. Honest. It was going to be the ultimate catch-up post, since, ya know, haven't really been writing on this thing for awhile (*cough* understatement). ANYway. Since I just puked two times (no, seriously) and I wanted you guys to know I had a legit excuse for not writing today, that's why this post exists.

Completely random and pointless. Here's what you can expect next time (no puke, I promise):
1. a bachelorette recap because why not
2. okay, so maybe I'll follow that last one up with puking
3. some music I've been jamming to lately
4. my life in general (minus the puking)
5. freckles and sun burns
6. men with facial hair, because again, WHY NOT
7. this bike I really want and can now pine for within reason
8. in one week I'll have a car. car= ..... (this is the preview part, meaning you'll hafta come back next time to find out what the ominous dots mean)
9. the rest o' my summer plans
10. fall and why I'm excited for fall and why everyone should always be excited for fall (duh, because it's fall)

since I feel weird just writing's a video. which I also posted on facespace. now if you'll excuse me, I feel pukish. sorry.