Wednesday, October 19, 2011

this better be hormones


In the past week I have found myself on the verge of tears just a few times, but I'm not even sure why. Today in Old Testament we were sitting there talking about the 2nd coming and all of sudden and I had to hold back a sob. A sob, people!! I don't sob! Ugh. Well on Monday the same thing happened, in the same class, because something the teacher said made me think of a dream I had a little while ago, which also made me want to cry right then. And I nearly did. I just hafta talk myself out of it...

"Kenz...c' are NOT gonna cry in front of all these people. Keep it together, man!"

Sometimes the urge will come while I'm walking to class and I see the picnic table I once did a ninja-jump off of my freshman year. Because I remember how young and inexperienced I was then, and I remember how Courtney was with me, and I think about how I'm going to leave this place soon...and...and...I just get kinda melancholy. Hence the tears.

Or other times I'll be sitting in church looking around at all of the people I know and wondering what will happen with their lives after we all leave...and I think about what's going to happen to me, and when I realize I don't know, I want to cry.

Then there's those moments when I am sitting in devotional and the speaker says something that I know, I know, God probably told him to put in his talk just for me, and I want to cry right then but not in front of the whole student body! tear ducts have no pride.

The worst, and by that I mean the most embarrassing, is when I walk by the many construction sites and I see the Mexicans working...and that gets me thinking about Mexico...and by that point I can't even stop. I just have to use my scarf as a mask so no one will see my face, crying.

If this isn't hormones, there's only one explanation: I have Anderson blood running through my veins.


{Princess seeking frog} said...

that devotional was AMAZING though! i totally agree... i thought he was talking RIGHT to me. (maybe it was the fact i was sitting on the VERY front row... hmmmm...)

Amy said...

Ah Kenny. Carry a hanky girl. And, hey, try that sweet hair do out again will ya?

Niki Purser said...

Oh, Kenz! That makes me sad. I don't want you to cry! I did enjoy the picture on this post!!! :)