when the universe speaks...

napoleon=the universe

the doll=me

I keep waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. Is this the universe's way of telling me I'm never going to figure out my life and therefore should deprive myself of sleep in order to figure out said life? I mean really, that sentence made no sense. None. Zilcho.

Conference was good. I cried through most of it. Buuut f'reals. I did. And I'm still crying about it. Is this the universe's way of telling me that every talk was "made for me" and if so I really need to shape up my life? Ack.

October is meandering on by, which I like, because it's my favorite month (don't know why this is suddenly a "blogger cliche," I'm preeeety sure it's a human cliche and therefore not a cliche at all). On the other hand, it means there's only two whole months left of 2012 and two whole months until I am no longer 22, and oh gash, that scares me for no reason. The universe is ignoring me on this one. I get no signals.

Stuff that kind of stresses me out right now: people who scream at me when I'm trying to help them get free money, people who swear at me when I'm trying to help them get free money, people who scream in general, the snail trail I found on my carpet...inside my room, my hair and its never ending need for cuttage, the byui alumni emails I keep receiving because they make me sad and also I'm not down with being called an "alumni" yet, and the presidential debates on TV. Sometimes I think I would rather drink a whole huge can of grape juice in 10 seconds than hear everyone talk argue about politics. For the love. Also, every techonlogical thing I own is broken: my car radio, my iPod, my camera, this computer (been in-viru-fected for a year). Hence the lack of pictures these last few months which actually have to do with me.

Stuff that only stresses me out a little because it affects the rest of my life: the GRE and why does such a test have to be the deciding factor of the rest of my life? also, all my TV shows are back on all at once and I honestly don't have time to watch any of them. So mebbe I will just have one TV show from now on, and it will be Arthur (yeash, the cartoon).

Stuff that doesn't stress me out but it should: the current state of my legs (I'm at the halfway point between "okay" and "sicknasty"), the fact that I still don't know what to be for Halloween, this book I am reading about death and heartbreak and oh gash it really shouldn't be read before bed but I do it and why am I not having nightmares? Also, my perpetual state of singlehood should probably stress me out as well, but it doesn't. It did when I was in Rexburg, though. Then again, Rexburg is the place where all of the diamond store advertisements go to make war on single women. I kid you not.

Well, this has been pretty weird. And I have a headache. Probably from venting all of that stuff onto you. Man, aren't I the best? Betcha can't wait until next time. Maybe I will throw a scruffy picture in just for good measure, so I don't lose all two of my followers (hi parents!).

beautiful person alert

word to my melting cranium

dear brain,

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you lately. I know, I know. You thought all of this reading and analyzing and typing would get you far, but you were wrong. I was a bad owner for putting you through all of it. But guess what, soon it will be over. And then you will probably be glad that I put you in a metaphorical vice and squeezed until you almost exploded. You'll get a break, soon, little brain.

I'll keep feeding you blueberries every day because I know they are your favorite.

And pretty soon I will let you enjoy a book you actually want to read. I will let you savor all of the delicious words and get to know the characters a little bit. I might even make you so mad that you send a signal to my hands, and then my hands will throw the book. It's happened before, but only when you got really into it.

I'll let you get crazy-high on endorphins when I start running outside again. You will love what the sun and the running uphill does to you. Sometimes you complain to me about it, but then after we've gone a few miles you get really excited and you don't want to stop. Soon, my little cabeza. Soon.

I will probably go on bike rides, too, and you'll love feeling the breeze and hearing the sounds of spring. You like sending signals to my bare feet when they touch the grass or the cement. Shoes kind of dull the senses sometimes. Soon enough, we'll take care of that.

When June comes along, you will have to work hard again, but your right side will be the one working overtime. That side always worked hardest anyhow. You will have to find ways to entertain teenagers. The last time you did that was in 2009. I wish you luck.

I'm going to make some new playlists just for you, with all of the best tuneage I've collected during the winter months. I will let you listen to them whenever you want. You will probably send signals to my mouth and turn it into a smile.

There are only four weeks left. I think you can stand it. You've endured pretty crazy things before. What's 4 more weeks of an undergraduate education? You can do it.

Sincerely,

McKenzie

sometimes I want to cry, but I do my homework instead.

man-oh-man I wish studying was still this fun.

Most people like Fridays. Fridays are free days; at 5pm you get to bust out of the doors singing a song about how much you love life. And that should mean something even if you are in college and taking 12 flippin' credits of English. Twelve. Credits. Of. English. Twelve. Doce. A dozen. As in, a dozen eggs, or six omelettes, which I wouldn't have time to make even if I wanted to. Ya dig?

Every time I tell someone I'm taking English 495 and English 450 at the same time, they give me this weird look like, "Did you just break out of the local women's correctional facility?" or "Have you been drinking eggnog shots lately?" or "You suck at telling jokes." And then I have to go, "Yeah...hahaha that was dumb. But seriously. I'm taking both of them."

For the record, I did not have a choice. I couldn't register for either one until this semester. Then there's the other two English classes I am in, which require a minimum of one paper a week. And then Spanish class, which I tried to make my "fun class" because it's the only one I don't have to write papers for. But then we had a test with ten essay questions. So never mind about that.

This is the first semester where I will not go home a single time because the weekends are strictly homework time. It's okay though, because as soon as April 6th rolls around, I will finally have a summer to myself, without daydreaming about doing summery things while being held hostage by the library. What a blessed thing it shall be!

A few random bits:

• the letter-writing thing is going swell. That's what Sundays-after-church are for: baking bread and writing letters. If you want a letter from me, leave me a comment saying so.
• I'm thinking about doing an FAQ page, but in order to do that I need questions. And in order to have questions all of you lurkers have to come out of hiding and actually ask me stuff. And that means...DUN-DUN-DUN...leaving a comment.
• I just made chocolate-chip blondies with garbanzo beans in them. Because I really wanted to eat a lot of them without feeling guilty. Now I just feel like I shamed those chocolate chips. I guess I'm the kind of girl who likes her desserts to actually have butter, cream, eggs, etc in them. /end rant
• This week has been the week of double-napping. That should describe the entire week for you.
• I got a glorious package this week from Forever21 (my favorite store, btw). I forgot how awesome new clothes are.
• Reconnecting with old friends is bombtastic.

Thus ends a very random post, mostly about homework and comments and garbanzo beans. Man I am weird.

a not-so-happy list

So I was going to put a happy list on here, like I usually do on Mondays, but I got home and I just feel like sleeping. That's all I feel like doing these days. And yet, a Spanish test looms on the horizon. As well as some more homework. More and more. It never ends. Then there's registration, which I can't even do yet because my Fast Grad hasn't been approved. It's ok if you don't understand any of this...I don't either.

here's what's been circulating in my brain lately:

• boy who is dumb and uses girl for selfish reasons. and then never talks to her again.
• boy who doesn't ever talk to the girl unless more people are around.
• boy who makes the girl feel awkward even when she says hello. this isn't really the boy's fault....but still. STILL. you bring out the awkwardness in me. is this normal?
• boy who makes the girl think he likes her until she sees him with another girl. say wha?? did you just punk me or something?
• boy who obviously likes a girl and then takes a million jillion years to ask her out, in the meantime she's over-analyzing everything he does/doesn't do and tries to avoid him in order to avoid more things to analyze, but it does not work.
• as you can see, boys are on the brain. what can I say? I've been at BYU-Idaho for too long. oh, and everybody, I mean every.body. is getting engaged. At the same time. Does anyone have a cure for this "all of my friends are getting married" phenomenon? Should I just go for a long run....all the way out of Rexburg? haha

Clearly, I need advice. Or a new stuffed animal.

promise I didn't forget about you

(finals week last fall, i barely survived that one)

It's that time of year again!

No, not Christmas, geesh. Don't get ahead of yourselves, folks.

It's finals week! Otherwise known as "must eat all the food I have left in my fridge which consists of milk, carrots, and flaxseed" week. Or "spend all my free time that I really don't have in the library eavesdropping on funny conversations" week. Or "lose all hope of sleep for the next few days because you ain't gettin' any" week. Or "sad because the semester went way too fast even though I kind of wished it upon myself" week. Yeah, that time of year.

I have approximately 2 hours of studying, 1 hour of exam-ing, and 1 hour of potluck-ing to do before Spring Semester 2011 is officially adjourned. Oh sweet relief.

In the meantime, here's a happy list I've accumulated over the past few days. Yes, it is huge. I call it the "the giant happy list of epic proportions and awesomeness." It's been stuck on the wall by my bed for the past week, and every night I pencil in a few things that made me happy. I can afford to waste just one more piece of paper. It's for a good cause, you know. Sanity always is.

6/10

• talking to Alyssa MC, she is the bomb.
• overnight oats with blueberries
• the moon outside my window
• singing primary songs @ a ward fireside

6/11

• Erin's hugs
• watermelon (an insane amount, I tell you)
• getting an unexpected A- in piano class, whaaa?
• my fan. I'd die without it.
• building on The Rock

6/12

• poetry readings (mine was about Prefontaine, baby)
• the smell of rain on hot pavement
• not having to turn in an assignment I lost
• re-painting my nails
• mango/pineapple/banana smoothies, ohmylanta
• not wearing makeup and then rubbing my face
• cleaning apartment #5's kitchen and living room, for no reason besides happiness
• "Surprise Homecoming" show on TLC. It's a tear-jerker, kids.
• Bike fixed at last!!!!!!!!!!!!

6/13

• yummy food all day
• park + Sisterhood of the T-Pants w/ Amy (yeah, I just said T-pants, I dunno where it came from)
• pre-bed showers
• summer breezes
• talking to Ikey

6/14

• napping in the Ricks Gardens
• temple w/ Amy
• being baptized for Mexicans (one was from Puebla!)
• homemade popcorn
• patriarchal blessings
• Isaiah 17:10

6/15

• Harry Potter 7.2 (now what do I do?!)
• Reese's Pieces
• laughing at certain movie trailers about certain vampires

6/16

• Craigo's with Apt. #5, my adopted apartment this semester
• Zac Efron and 17 Again, ahhhh
• funny girls in my ward

6/17

• ward potlucks
• my mom
• knowing all will be well in the end
• naps
• Falafel!
• Sunday night walks

Next time I see you, it will be in American Fork! Or if you are not a member of my family or a friend from my hometown...keep lurking! I'll be back with more when this is all over.

feeling reminiscent? check out my blogs about finals week last summer here and here or last fall

why senioritis is bad for you

slowly going insane...

Ok, I'll admit it.

I'm a good student. Before you go off and read a different blog cuz you think I'm about to brag, stay tuned for more! What I'm actually about to say may surprise you.

This semester, school has been a little bit difficult for me. Usually it comes pretty easy, even the hard classes, because I just like doing homework (for the most part) and I get it done. Go to class, get there on time, take notes. Simple as that.

But something happened to me this semester....actually, a few things. And I figured out why I have lost all motivation for school-related things this time around:

Exhibit A: Chelsea Bedke left on her mission. This was my first semester without her. Laughing makes a difference, guys.

Exhibit B: Courtney Gopp left on her mission, too. See Exhibit A.

Exhibit C: I missed a few days of school and suddenly I was more behind than ever. Remember how you could miss a day in elementary school and all you missed was Mrs. Sage singing Beach Boys on her guitar and an intense game of tetherball?

Exhibit D: My computer is a P.C. and therefore it picks up a lot of problems. I don't like spending all day using this machine but hey, gotta do my homework. Computers vs. camping. Camping clearly wins!

Exhibit E: My young adult lit class has shown me the magic of the library. Since we are required to read at least one book a week, I'm checking out a lot of stuff from there, and a lot of it turns out to be recreational reading. It's hard to read textbooks when you have other stuff dying to be read. Gah!

Exhibit F: Piano class=45 mins of practice every day=I am starting to go crazy playing the same songs over and over. 1 credit does not 45 minutes/6 days a week homework make.

Exhibit G: Coming back to school one week after Mexico was kind of a crazy idea. I didn't really consider it at the time, because like I said, school is a natural thing for me. But now I'm thinking it may have been smart. I've been experiencing that R.M. funk (without the mission...explain that to me). Oh well, one semester closer to graduation!

Exhibit H: Post-Ragnar "runner's depression." Ok, I'm not depressed, promise, but have you ever heard of "runner's depression"? I guess it happens to some people after they run marathons. They lose all desire to run or something. I'm not saying this happened to me, but it kind of feels like it. I want to run races and stuff, but I am not motivated to run at all. My heart wants to, but my mind does not. Wha? Walking contradiction is my new name.

Exhibit I: My bike broke, and it also happens to be my favorite mode of transportation, my escape hatch. Without it, I feel nekked. The ORC should be done with it soon...I hope.

I'll let you know the cure for this when I find it! For now, encouragement is welcome. I have 2 weeks left! Must be positive!!!

p.s. I'll post some pictures on here next time...something more cheery. Promise!

blurgh times a thousand

via

Oh, this week.

The things I could say.

But I'll save that for Friday...

Just know that there is another dig list coming up. And something about unicorns (as per my mother's request--and if it was anyone else requesting that particular subject I would make like a snake and attack. And that made no sense.). And funny pictures.

You don't wanna miss this.

For now I'm copying busybeelauren and lynsey with a summer to-do list. We've hit the six week mark now, and I couldn't be more ready for summah.

1. go to Zion's. Please someone take me...otherwise I'm gonna hitchike. And, well, I could do that, but I might come back a hippie and nobody would recognize me.
2. play soccer with Caleb and Ellie pretty much every day.
3. trampoline sleepovers (I copied Lyns)
4. adventures with Tessa and Allie (including but not limited to Target, Zupa's, the pitcher's mound, random music festivals we are bound to find, and other mischief)
5. somehow buy a guitar and then find a hipster to teach me how to play it.
6. initiate pancake saturdays at the Livingston casa.
7. fix my feet and run every day like I did in the olden days.
8. hike Timp or the Y. Or BOTH.
9. go fishing with dad at Tibble Fork Reservoir or Catherine Creek. Basically anyplace where there's fish. Yeah, dad, I'm seeerious.
10. craft with the madre. can we go to used bookstores too? and the D.I.? okay thanks. not even a question...
11. sticky shoe theater with ike! I don't even care which movie it is to be honest.
12. ride my bike to the library every week and get more books for that booklist o' mine.
13. make new mixed CDs to give away.
14. photo scavenger hunt.
15. bake homemade pizza with yummy toppings (aka mozzarella tomato and basil YUM)
16. i plan on going down mary pulley lane really fast...on a bike...or in a shopping cart. heh.
17. roll down the hill at "quail cove" or whatever they're calling the park across from the temple nowadays.
18. temple every thursday just like I do now!
19. cook dinner for the fam once a week at least. i have recipes to try!
20. hammock. i need to break it in.
21. somehow find a way to get to liz.
22. learn how to longboard.
23. stargazing.
24. CAMPING. a MUST.

phew...that list is huge! and let's be honest, it's probably going to get bigger as the weeks go by and I lose half of my hair from school. I don't know why but I am really not quite here this semester! Must. Get. Through.

adios amigos!

smile like you mean it

from the archives...finals week last semester (can't wait)

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

fdsakljfkdsl;ajfdlkas;jdfsa;jf;adfjada

phew.

just had to get it out in the open.

i have, count 'em,

50

pages

of

reading

due tomorrow.

not to mention a 2-page paper.

I'm already planning this weekend.

Anybody want to hike R Mountain with me?

I'll come back to the blog world, fo real, later.

I got stories to tell.

Wouldn't you like to know....

frozen in place

when you think your heart can't take anymore...and then another curveball comes.

when you are running against the wind...and you wish it could just blow you away.

when you come back home...and you're not sure what you're doing there.

when you remember where you were a week ago...and you feel a melancholy poem comin' on.

when you find notes from your best friend...and miss her so bad it actually hurts.

when you are half-asleep in a dream...and a loud noise wakes you up.

when you come home to your own room...and you wish for a roommate, a pet, anything.

when you find the mexican aisle in the grocery store...and a pack of cookies makes the memories flood.

when you see freshmen walking around on campus...and it hits you that you're a senior.

when you read journal entries from semesters before...and you wonder what the next will be like.

when you find an old friend...and everything is going to be okay.

when your brother lives up the road...and he will always be there, no matter what.

when you talk to someone who really knows...and it's easy to cry, easy to talk.

when you have a load of strong emotions inside...and you don't know how to get them out except through a pen and paper.

when it is april 18th...and it is raining.

It's just one of those days. I know tomorrow will be better.

trapped in the library

I'm being held hostage against my will. The criminals aren't wearing masks. They aren't holding water guns to my face (I didn't want to be graphic. Who knows how many kids read this blog). It's almost 8pm on a Friday night and guess what? I am surrounded by homework. But at least I have good music playing and a never ending stash of gum. Tomorrow, just to spite this chair which has confined me for so long, I am going to attempt to run 7-8 miles. Heheheheheheheheh.... What, you don't think that I can, Mister Chair? [don't judge me for talking to inanimate objects...remember...I'm in the library. on a friday]

Well, I'm gonna.

Good night and good riddance.

Pray that I'll get to leave this place before the music comes on. :)

'tis one of those days

(back in the day when school wasn't stressful. a.k.a. freshman year)

I'm not a fan of blog posts where the blogger vents all of their frustrations onto the world.

And yet, I really want to break my own rule today.

My middle finger has a bruise, because today it got poked (good news: my triglyceride levels are muy, muy low).

I can't catch up on the homework. It never ends. It's like an avalanche, I tell you.

I keep sleeping in through scripture study time and it is really affecting my day.

I want to run every day and I cannot seem to find the time. I know it's all about making the time, but I think I'm still learning how to do this.

I took a science test today which I didn't feel very good about. In fact, I didn't even bother waiting to see what my score was.

I haven't ridden my bike for 24 hours. I'm pretty sure that that's contributing to my slight madness right now. I'm about 75% positive.

It's kind of hurting me to type this...

And I miss a lot of old friends right now who are far away from me.

SO. I'm stopping now with the lame-ness. I'm gonna go make some roasted cauliflower soup. Ike is gonna come over to eat it. I asked him last night if he would eat cauliflower soup. His response: "Cauliflower soup?! Did you seriously just ask me that?" My response: "It's gonna be delicious. Trust me. You might like it." His surrender: "Might as well."

Attaboy.

Here's to tomorrow, which just so happens to be Friday. Oh please, McKenz, please do not sleep through your scripture study alarm tomorrow. And also don't stress about missing Spanish so you can give plasma so you can have money to go to Mexico to speak better Spanish. Did you see what I just did?

That right there is called a cosmic connection, folks.

over and out!

(oh and I'm sorry for the weepy post. First and last weepy post, I promise.)