soon it will be cold enough to build fires

october=bonfire season

lately
I've been writing more and more letters, to strangers and friends alike. It revives me after a week of sending hundreds of flat, lifeless business letters. Today I got one in return, waxed seal and all. Thanks, Brit. A reply is forthcoming. Did I just say forthcoming? Yeah...yeah I did.

My favorite band broke up. Maybe if we're lucky Justin V. will retreat to the woods and write another amazeballs album, which will come out in like 10 years. Complete with a free canoe on the side.

I picked up my guitar...and harmonica. And tried to channel my inner Bob Dylan, but it didn't work because #1, I don't have an afro, #2, I don't have one of those super flattering headgear harmonica holder things, and #3, I'm not Bob Dylan. Oh yeah! Hey, if Cate Blanchett can pull it off, why not me? Don't answer that.

=

?!

The radio in my car started to work again one morning, but this is only half good because every time I go over a bump in the road, the station changes itself. There are no numbers on the dial, so I have to guesstimate where all of the good music is. In case you were wondering, 75% of the roads in American Fork are "under construction" and have been for the past 20 years. So you can just imagine the music smorgasbord I experience every day without really wanting to.

My fellow compadres at work gather at the lunch table every day and discuss the weirdest things. I think I'm going to start making flow charts, because the things we get off topic on are ten levels weirder than weird. You would understand if you talked to the people I talk to 8 hours of every day. I'm not kidding about these conversations, though. Everyone else in the room will not-so-subtly stand nearby and eavesdrop, then laugh out loud, totally blowing their cover.

Example of today's conversations: owl pellets, seafood, large creepy fish, the fish farm in Oregon, Costco, Costco hot dogs, PMS, the people at Social Security offices who deserve to have their eyebrows shaved off, etc. I bet you could find a common thread if you really tried.

I started to knit again and oh gash, it is the hardest thing anyone ever invented with two sticks. I'm pretty sure drumming would be easier. But drumming does not produce beanies, an item which someone like me happens to need copious amounts of. Dang, that was a terrible sentence.

Stuff I am currently craving: (and by currently I mean 24/7/365 but now it's legal) 

dead leaves everywhere

pumpkin

scruff. always.

Talks you should read if you want your mind blown: this, this, and this. Sha-bam. 

Songs you should listen to if you want your ears to be happy: 

this video..kill me dead.

faith is ten million times better than fear. and ironically, ten times scarier.

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

"What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?"

"The real world doesn't start after graduation, or marriage. You've been living in the real world your whole life. So go live in it."

All of this and more has been turning and turning on the turntable of my brain lately. And at night, it gets even more constant, because I write in my journal and then all these other thoughts creep in. Thoughts that start with a little somethin-somethin we're all famliar with: what if? What if I took a risk today? What if I did something totally out of character, but totally awesome at the same time? What if?!! What amazing things would be set in motion if I dared to dive in, instead of just dipping in my toes?

Lately I've been upping my scripture study significantly. It's made a world of difference. I'd highly recommend it. Anyway, I was reading in Alma, when all those Lamanites start to be converted because of the sons of Mosiah (who, if you will recall, were "the vilest of sinners." The Atonement is realer than real.). As I was reading, I noticed a note in the margins that said this: "Fear distorts things, while faith makes things clear."

Did you get that? I read it three more times. Fear distorts the truth. It muddles the truth about who we really are, and what we can really do, and that is exactly why Satan loves to use it. He knows that as long as we don't understand who we really are, we don't rise up and be great (which we're all destined to be, by the way). God, on the other hand, uses faith. Faith gets things done. Faith moves us to do awesome things-- things that might scare us at first, but end up being the best things ever.

Often this involves taking risks. Going to BYU-Idaho was a risk. I'd never before in my life set foot in Rexburg. I had only decided to attend the school about three months before I went. But I did, and as you all know (those who have been reading this for awhile), it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

The same goes for Mexico. The entire time I was preparing to go to Mexico, it was kinda like an out of body experience. I kept saying to myself, "McKenzie, is that you?" I would have never done such a thing, moved to another country for three months, to teach? Me?! Ha! But I did, and it was an experience which one or two words could not sufficiently describe. God knew I could do it, and He was trying to coax the better me out of hiding. He was trying to get Kenzie 2.0 to act in faith, instead of the Kenzie 1.0 who doesn't take any risks.

So friends, what are you going to do today that your best self  would do? The upgraded, really sweet version with all of the apps you could possibly imagine. What are you going to do that scares the pants off of you but will end up affecting your life in indescribably awesome ways?

What are you waiting for?! Go do it!

p.s. i briefly reactivated my facespace because i just really wanted this post to be seen.

curveballs can be fun.

eye candy.

This year has been the year of near-misses, of big fat surprises, of curveballs. My stake president once said that God loves "at-the-buzzer" moments. He loves giving us those curveballs to see what we will do--will we go back and get the plates again, even though we've tried a whole bunch of times before? Will we take that leap of faith because we know "the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth"? That has been my big challenge lately (and when I say "lately," I mean the last few years that I can remember), and man has it been exciting.

We had a devotional on Tuesday which I would highly recommend reading. It was all about patience; how sometimes the Lord asks us to step away from something for awhile because it's not time for that yet--and He will reward us with it later (or something better). She also said that there will be times in our lives when we will feel like nothing is happening--but we have to keep being obedient, anyway. How many times did Nephi have to go back for the plates? Well, more than once. Just because God asked you to do it, that doesn't guarantee it will be easy. In fact, it usually means the opposite.

Remember that post I wrote at the beginning of the semester about surprises? They haven't stopped since day one. Thank goodness! Otherwise my life would be pretty dull, and I wouldn't really have anything to blog about, except for maybe peanut butter and you tube videos. Bo-ring.

Here's an itty-bitty list, to give you an idea of how good I have had to get at playing catch with God:

• deciding on a career pretty much at the last minute
• deciding on grad school, also at the last minute
• deciding on grad school at BYU, say what?! I don't know whose idea that was. Actually, I do. Not mine.
• realizing now why a lot of things in the past 3 years happened. this. is. cool. and also why you should keep a journal, yo.

The main point is, God is aware of every little detail in our lives, and whether you want to believe it or not, He's behind a lot all of the awesomeness happening to you right now. Sha-bam. Thus I conclude my slightly longwinded post and return to the land of finals week. I hope I come out of this alive.

surprises

I've only been in Rexburg for four days (only four?!) but already I've been surprised by my Heavenly Father. I think I've mentioned before how much He enjoys "one-upping" me. I think I've got everything figured out..and then He kindly points me in the right direction--which is usually a place I never even thought about looking.

I'm glad He doesn't answer all of my prayers the way I want Him to. Otherwise I would've married Christopher Hardisty from the 3rd grade by now. And I probably would've gone to BYU instead of BYU-Idaho. I might even be living at home.

So here's to the element of surprise when it comes to our life plans. Jones Stephens said "I have learned that the head does not hear anything until the heart has listened, and that what the heart knows today the head will understand tomorrow." I fully believe in this. I also think you could substitute "head" with "natural man" and "heart" with "spirit."

Sometimes it's something as simple as randomly reconnecting with old friends from freshman year 3 years ago. I love reunions!

Or deleting a number from your phone you never thought you would. Sweet release!

Or maybe it's in becoming really good friends with a girl you've known for awhile but never really hung out with until now.

It could be in changing up your class schedule 48 hours before school starts and realizing that even though it was dissappointing to drop soccer at first, the Old Testmament Class was made for you.

Perhaps it's in getting a calling you never thought was coming to you. My mental reaction: "Who, me?!" [more about this latah]

It could be in switching jobs kind of at the last second. I love good impulses. Ha.

Maybe it's in crushing on someone you would have laughed at the thought of liking a few years ago. Laughed. Out. Loud.

It could be in attending that x-country information meeting. X-country, the last time you and I were friends was in 9th grade. Let's reconcile.

Here's to a fantastic fall semester!

I haven't forgotten

I was tying my shoes when I heard the guy on the radio talking about the World Trade Centers in New York.

I went downstairs and saw everyone gathered around the TV. Mom turned and looked at me, and her face told me something was wrong.

That day, Isaac and I walked home from school looking for planes in the sky. Even though we lived in Oregon, I remember wondering if there would be a terrorist attack somewhere close by. I went home and watched the news. I think that was all I watched that week. Finally, my dad told me it probably wasn't good to watch it so much.

I remember when they pulled a firefighter out of the rubble, still alive. I remember seeing all of the missing posters on TV and hoping that the people would be found. Even though I knew that most of them wouldn't. I remember everybody was praying and putting out their flags.

I remember President Hinckley announcing that we had invaded Iraq. Little did I know that 10 years later, we would still be in this war. I hope that we are always in a war against evil--not necessarily a physical war, but a spiritual one. I hope that there will always be those willing to stand. I hope that we never let wickedness prevail, no matter the cost.

on timing

one thing I know I'll never have to wait for: long hair

I like to write lists. Sometimes my journal entry is just a list of random things going through my head at the time. For example, yesterday's entry was just a list of things I liked about that day, things I wasn't sure I liked, and things I definitely did not like. A lot of people say they don't know what to write about in a journal--all you hafta do is get creative. Nobody said you had to write every detail of what happened to you that day. /end rant

But really, back to that list thing. I think it means I'm a planner. I like to know what's going to happen and I like to be prepared for it. When I decided to go to Mexico, it was a little bit of a whirlwind. I didn't really prepare mentally/emotionally for it. I just went, because I knew I was supposed to. I'm really glad I did. Sometimes the best things in life aren't planned at all. Things like (here we go with the list thang):

• becoming friends with TP because we both worked at sandwich land (a bad thing turned into something really good!)
• going to Mexico to teach English. Me, teach English? Wha?
• going to BYU-Idaho instead of BYU, something I never thought of until 2 months before I left for Rexburg
• moving to Utah when I was 15. I wasn't okay with this at first, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. I learned to trust in the Lord. Now I'm 100% sure that was the right choice.
  

I bet if I went back and read old journals, I would find similar patterns. I love finding the Lord's hand in your life after the fact. It's nice to notice it in the present, too.

Today I read Dieter F. Uchtdorf's April 2010 talk "Continue in Patience." I am pretty sure this talk was written for me. If you know me, you know patience is one of my big time weaknesses. It all goes along with that planning thing. I just want to know what's going to happen, and I want to be prepared for it. I always forget that there is no such thing as bad timing--God's timing is always perfect. Us mortals are the only ones with bad timing (at least, that's how we see it). Pres. Uchtdorf said something which rang true for me at this point in my life:

"The children of Israel waited 40 years in the wilderness before they could enter the promised land. Jacob waited 7 long years for Rachel. The Jews waited 70 years in Babylon before they could return to rebuild the temple. The Nephites waited for a sign of Christ’s birth, even knowing that if the sign did not come, they would perish. Joseph Smith’s trials in Liberty Jail caused even the prophet of God to wonder, “How long?”

In each case, Heavenly Father had a purpose in requiring that His children wait.

Every one of us is called to wait in our own way. We wait for answers to prayers. We wait for things which at the time may appear so right and so good to us that we can’t possibly imagine why Heavenly Father would delay the answer."

I italicized that middle line because it really hit me--God has a reason for everything He does. If we're doing what's right, we don't need to worry. It's that simple. Just keep doing what He asks and don't be afraid. Fear=a rocking chair which gets you nowhere. Faith=a maserati in 5th gear on the freeway. You get me?

p.s. since this was mostly words and hardly any music or pictures, here. you're welcome.

swallowed by a heat wave

a few weeks ago when it was still rainbow weather

It's gettin' a little bit toasty up in here, meaning Rexburg, meaning sometimes I sleep in my soccer shorts with the window wide open and the blanket offa my bed. And I even sometimes shave my legs before bed for cooling effect. Don't hate on the Skintimate.

Anywho, it's high time for a happy list, and I know I used to do this on Monday, but I don't think it really matters what day my happy list is on, as long as I have one! This week has been extra-specially hard, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel (4th of July Weekend!). Oh glorious four day weekend, I will write a poem just for thee. After I catch up on sleep.

1. going to Great Harvest con mi amiga mejor Amy Mathews. I can't ever work there because not only would I gain weight but I would probably start disliking Great Harvest after awhile. The thought is depressing. So let's move on now, shall we?

2. Finding out the truth about eggs. Yes, yes, I will admit that for all of my life I have thought that the eggs we eat were baby chicks that hadn't finished growing. You can imagine the look on my roommates' face when they revealed that this wasn't true and I said, "Man, I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore!" Ha!!! Facepalm times ten.

3. this devotional-nal-nal. things sound more interesting when you echo them-them-them.

4. playing in recitals and talent shows and stuff, so I will stop being nervous to play piano in front of others, and actually enjoy it, and actually shred the ivory, if you know what I mean.

5. this song right here reminds me of 1, Mexico, 2, when I started liking mangoes in Mexico, and 3, how much I love Angus and Julia Stone. Amen.

6. Preach My Gospel study is the best. I forget how awesome that book is sometimes. Blows my mind.

7. This email from Chelsea was fantastico. I feel like the same things are on my happy list all the time...uh...sorry.

8. I do not have a peg leg. This makes me happy. Yes, it is completely random, but I decided just now to change things up after that last thing I said (#7). You can find the most weird things to be thankful for sometimes....

9. free waffle-bowl Wednesday at TwizlBerry

10. freckles up the heezy (that was for TP)

11. Pictures like dis on my camera:

summer nights...ahh...

hey there, folks, it's nice to meet you, I've been off the grid for awhile because that little thing called school is happening and it is also summertime, therefore I am kind of going mad. But it's okay...it will all be over soon. I have a lot to update you on--like the writer's retreat. And Ragnar. Oh and the weekend we went to Rigby+then some.

So stay tuned. Tuned. Tuned.

I Believe

This morning when I woke up I noticed the sun shining through my window...the sun! At last! But all day today I felt a special spirit which didn't have too much to do with the weather. It was more to do with my testimony of the gospel. After a day like today, I feel like shouting it from the rooftops, or writing it in a letter to a friend, or even just singing a hymn about it. Jesus Christ did die for us, He did suffer for us, and He did perform the greatest miracle of them all when He was resurrected from the grave. I know it! I know it more than I know anything else, and I also know that He loves us. He loves us so perfectly that we can't even comprehend it--we can only feel it and act upon it.

In the past year, especially in these few years I've been up at school, I have felt myself grow closer to Him. Last semester I learned that early morning scripture study is the best way to build our foundations on Christ. I also learned that morning prayers are an important key to having the Spirit with us all day. I learned that making time for the temple each week is another special way we can become closer to the Lord and show our love for Him. This semester, my goal is to serve people more--to really get to know them and find out what their needs are. I'm not saying I'm going to know all of their troubles and sorrows, because I'm not like Christ in that I know everyone perfectly. But I can lead others to Him by treating them as He would. I can be His hands.

I hope you all had a lovely Easter!

I wanted to share this video with you as soon as I watched it (thanks dad). It really exemplified Christlike love for me and I thought it was appropriate for this day. Love to you all!

a list created to induce smiling

(how I feel about Mexico)

That's right, 'tis time for yet another happy list.

By the way, I have taken my sweet time updating this blog because, well....I was really getting used to seeing Wentworth Miller every time I opened up my page. Shameless, I know.

1. A musician known as M. Ward. Discovering new music is always a happy thang.

2. Being in charge of the FHE lesson every week. You wanna know somethin? I usually (9 times out of 10) make up a lesson either 10 minutes before we start or on the spot, going off of a quote or a scripture. Tonight I used about being one of the wise virgins from my trusty Spencer W. Kimball book. Then I ended up talking about preparing for General Conference...which I wasn't really planning on. Guess the Spirit had something else in mind.

3. Talking to old friends, making new friends. I'm sort of nervous for next semester because all (and I mean all) of my old posse which I have known since my freshman year will be gone. But I think I've got this friend-making-bidnez down. Right? Right.

4. Missionaries. I think I've mentioned them before on here. But man, I love 'em. I have so many friends either on missions, going on missions, or returning from missions. In other words, I have really good friends, folks.

5. OK, this is more awkward than happy: when people post on facebook the weekend after they get married. Hello, do you really want us to comment on that status about waking up with an elbow in your face? Oy.

6. Dating advice from Spencer W. Kimball that actually makes sense.

7. We get to play soccer not once, but two times a week now. Did you know I love soccer now? Oh. Well I do. Even though lots of people get hurt, including myself (last night it was a soccer ball to the ear and a lovely kick in the shins). That's just how we roll.

8. We're goin' to the D.F. (Mexicans' nickname for Mexico City) in 2.2. days! (I say .2 because we're leaving at 2am on Friday morning. Psyche.)

9. Apple-Cinnamon candles.

10. Turning the song "Wheels on the Bus" into a rap so my kids will wanna sing it. Success.

11. Did you know that National Geographic actually re-created the floating house in Up?!!! Yeah, they totally did! Because they're National Geographic and they can do whatever the heck they want. Geesh.

12. This video. Please watch it and laugh 'til you cry. Thanks...and have a nice day.

my leg looks like a purple pineapple

(have you ever noticed how beauteous the sky is?)

mom, don't be alarmed if a rather grotesque picture of my back surfaces on facebook. the mexican pharmacist gave me some gross looking cream which is currently staining my pillow a sick yellow color.

if you would like to know why i have the worst sunburn of my life, stay tuned to this blog for more, later in the week when i can't feel a pulse in my thigh.

for now, i am thinking of other stuff. it's pretty heavy.

The challenges and trials God gives us are hard for me to understand sometimes. I'm the kind of person that needs reasons for trials. Does that make sense? If I can look at a hill during a race and say to myself, "Ok, this hill is here so that when I get to the top I am stronger and feel better about myself," then I can climb over it. Otherwise, the trial frustrates me, because I don't know why I should climb up the hill. What's at the top? God knows me better than I know myself, so He must know that I find this troubling. That's why He keeps challenging me with things I don't quite understand. I'll take the compliment.

Since being in Mexico, I have started to notice how little people have, and yet it is everything to them. They don't know what it's like to have a dryer, they just hang their clothes out. It's not a big deal. They don't know what it's like to have nice roads without bumps or potholes everywhere. It's just a road, right? They work very hard to make something perfect and beautiful with their hands, and then they try even harder to sell it for 10 pesos (less than $1 USD). It amazes me how differently people live in our world.

This weekend we drove through lots of little villages where people lived in grass huts, shacks, or planks of wood hammered together with some flimsy metal sheets on top. Little kids played soccer barefoot in their tattered clothes with their dogs. Old women carried huge loads on their backs. I imagined what else they were carrying, tried to see it in their faces.

It's been a month since I moved to this beautiful place. It feels like home now. I miss a lot of things about America, but I have no doubt I'm supposed to be here. It feels natural now. When I go back to the U.S., I hope I don't forget this feeling of immense gratitude and awe for everything I've been blessed with.

If you ever want some serious perspective, visit a third world country for awhile.

I know I share this scripture a lot, but it says what I am trying to say so perfectly:

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God." -Ether 12:24-

and one of my favorites from Ezra Taft Benson:

“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of the people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”

did you know He is your friend?

ouch

i got it here

I just got done with another run. Ow. Let me explain.

Here in Mexico, running is pretty awesome because, uh, everything is way lower, meaning my lungs are automatically more mind-blowing.

Did that make sense?

However, all of the streets are also cobblestone, and therefore, my shins get a beating. Therefore, I have the worst shin splints of my life. Any tips on how to alleviate that pain? That is all.

oh yeah, and other stuff that makes me very sad:

the stuff happening in moscow

the stuff happening in mexico

the stuff happening in arizona

the stuff happening in brazil

{i didn't link to this stuff because I don't want you guys to get sad, too}

I just need to read stuff like this to stay sane. You should too.

Then go listen to this song.

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

it really is

christmas eve, that is.

Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfil all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets...And it came to pass that the words which came unto Nephi were fulfilled, according as they had been spoken; for behold, at the going down of the sun there was no darkness; and the people began to be astonished because there was no darkness when the night came...And it came to pass that there was no darkness in all that night, but it was as light as though it was mid-day. And it came to pass that the sun did rise in the morning again, according to its proper order; and they knew that it was the day that the Lord should be born, because of the sign which had been given.

-3 Nephi 1:13, 15, & 19-

tired in so many ways

...brace yourselves, folks, this one is gonna be deep. And long.

Where do I even start? Last night at 7-ish I felt a lot different than I do now. It may or may not have to do with the fact that I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. And I woke up at 3am sweating like crazy, with my arm bent in some crazy position (it kinda hurts to un-bend those little buggers).

And my brain would not stop going, and going, and going.

The night before, this unsettling feeling would not go away. I laid in bed and tried to sleep, but my rumbling tummy+all of the worries floating around in my head would not let me.

So I went to the kitchen, ate a leetle bowl of grape nuts (fiber at midnight, not the best idea, people) and then made a to-do list for the rest of the week. Erp. It's going to be quite stressful, I think. My heart rate might have gone up just looking at it.

And then there's the other things going on in my life, which, quite frankly, just make me want to CRY. That's right, McKenzie, the self-proclaimed "heartless loser," wants to cry. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, usually there's a good reason.

Yesterday I read a blog which put all of my feelings into the exact words I needed. As I sat in the library reading them, I thought to myself, "Oh, that's what's happening to me." The good part is that this girl had a happy ending, so I should too, right? The trick is being patient while I actively wait for that happy ending.

(Please check out her blog posts here, here, and here--this last one is seriously, almost word-for-word, what I would have written.)

FYI: actively waiting for something you really want that is a really good thing is really hard. Really.

I am having a hard time learning this lesson. But clearly, God wants me to learn it because He knows that 1, I can handle it and 2, if I endure it well I will grow even more and be blessed in ways I can't even imagine.

I just wish sometimes that I didn't feel so far from myself. You know? I just want to be me, and be loved for being me, and not have to feel silly for being myself because of what other people do or don't do. Wow, sorry for that awful run-on sentence. I know this probably isn't making sense...but I just want to say this so I feel slightly better.

Last night, I realized something which felt kind of like a curveball. The kind that gives you a black eye. Black eyes are really un-attractive, I think. They make your eye all droopy and funky and, uh, not to mention blackish-purplish. Not cute. Sorry, tangent.

So this curveball, it really threw me. And it's not the first one I've gotten this semester...in fact, it's not the first one I've gotten this year. I'm starting to think that our whole lives are made up of curveballs which some refer to as "happy accidents" or "tender mercies" or, even more simply, "adversity."

Whenever I start to feel the waves of discouragement creeping up onto my shore, I get a little bit of anxiety. So I go to my knees, because that's where I feel strongest. That's where I feel most like myself, most loved, and most protected. I know that I can be healed that way. The trick is, like Neal A. Maxwell said, "to not shrink."

Today, on this third day of December, I may have shrunken a little bit, but I have that hope Ether talked about in Ether 12:4. I know that even though sometimes our efforts seem worthless, they will be worth it later.

Even though I can't see it now. I'm not a mind-reader, or a fortune-teller, or a time-machine builder. Thank goodness, otherwise my future might be ruined.

The hardest part is not knowing, and yet I have 24/7/365 access to someone who does know, and I'm going to take His hand and let Him lead me wherever He wants me to go.

If that means to Mexico for 4 months, where I don't know anybody and I'm not even sure why I'm going, then I'll go.

If that means saying goodbye to my best friend for 18 months, then I'll do it.

If that means giving up on something which I really thought was a possibility for something even better, then I'll give it up.

"But if by a still, small voice he calls, to paths that I do not know, I'll answer dear Lord, with my hand in thine, I'll go where you want me to go."

it comes and goes in waves

{hello, good morning}

This morning when I headed off into the sunrise on my bicycle I made sure that 1) I was fully awake and 2) that it was really Friday. I could tell I was awake because my bike was moving, strangely...and I knew it was Friday because people walking to class were smiling more than usual.

On Sunday I had a strong feeling. If you read my blog a lot, you know I get this feeling a lot. A lot a lot a lot. Well, this time I felt like I needed to start studying my scriptures earlier. Much earlier. For most of my life I've done it before bedtime.

You see, for the entire first week of school I felt like I wasn't getting as much out of my scribber study as I could. Sometimes you think you are doing the best you can, when really you are only doing the "good" or the "better" part. My professors were inadvertently dropping hints about the merits of early mornings all week. So I knew what I had to do. Not to mention that other member of the Godhead. Sometimes He is persistent.

On Monday morning, the alarm went off at 5:30 AM. As of last week, "AM" just stood for "A Mistake," and I went back to sleep. But not this time, baby. I've been going for 5 days now and I can truly say that it was the best move I've made in a long time. However, none of the credit should go to me.

The amazing thing about getting up this early is the effect it has on the rest of my day. I don't usually need a nap, even though on days that I got up at 6:30 just to get ready for school, no scripture study included, I needed a nap. Now I get up an hour earlier and I don't need no nap. Better yet, I pay attention pretty well in my classes and actually participate. Imagine that.

On Monday, day one, my journal entry looked like this:

"Here's what happened today as a result of this amazing thing called fervent scripture study:

I got everything+then some done on my To-Do list in a good amount of time; managed time wisely

Was able to understand what went on in Spanish class, and I liked it

Asked the right questions

Ate healthy, exercised, no problem, mon

Went to work and loved it--did I mention I have 7 students and I got a raise?!

Wanted to smile at everyone and I think I did...

Couldn't litter...haha. "My conscience was pricked" as the gum wrapper fell...

Rode my bike uphill to class and smiled for most of it

Acted like my crazy self, and that's OK

Gave a spiritual thought for FHE which really wasn't from me, if you know what I mean

less sarcastic, more loving

got on the Jamba Juice wall! Alright, this has nothing to do with my morning scripture study. I just had to say it.

High self-esteem

More sincere prayers

Made my bed! This is epic for sure. "

some habits come and go in waves.

we stop biting our nails off, but we keep chewing them.
we give up sugar, but not chocolate (yeah, right).
we resolve to make more friends, but then we just smile at people.
the gym fills up in january, then gradually empties by march.
we say our morning prayers, but then by friday we're sleeping through them.
every week we promise to remember Him, to take upon us His name, but every week we have to be reminded again.

it's ok, because it's human nature.

But I also know that our Creator intended for us to become something. We're made from the same mold as diety. Remember? So we should be able to do this kind of stuff, getting up at 5:30.

I'm pretty sure God is a morning person, anyway.

Let's hope this habit comes and stays.

you made me lonesome when you left

Yer gonna have to leave me now, I know
But I’ll see you in the sky above
In the tall grass, in the ones I love
Yer gonna make me lonesome when you go.

-Bob Dylan-

remember that post I wrote awhile ago?

remember how I said I would go somewhere and cry?

well

I've tried to get away from school stuff, to do just that

But Griffey, that stubborn guy

He wasn't going to wait around until

finals week was over

and frankly, I wouldn't have wanted him to.

So in between projects/tests/papers

I would read mom and dad's blogs

and cry a little bit

it was really hard not to let it all go

right there in the library

because I loved that dog

I loved the white tip on his tail

I loved the way his whole body moved when I scratched his tummy

I loved it when he braved the sprinklers

Just to eat the pie dad threw in there...(?)

I loved the way he jumped in the snow

I loved that face he made

When he was being protective

He was majestic

But he could still stick his nose in the mud

I loved walking him to the field

And feeling him tug on the leash

Pulling me places I didn't really want to go

I guess there was a life lesson in there, huh.

Griff, I miss you a lot, lot, lot

But I'm comforted by the fact that

Christ's resurrection covers every living thing.

Even He loved my dog perfectly.

And that is the good news.

In 1909, the First Presidency (Presidents Joseph F. Smith, John R. Winder, and Anthon H. Lund), stated: “God … organized the earth, and all that it contains. … He made the tadpole and the ape, the lion and the elephant; but He did not make them in His own image, nor endow them with Godlike reason and intelligence. Nevertheless, the whole animal creation will be perfected and perpetuated in the Hereafter, … and will enjoy ‘eternal felicity.’ ” (See Improvement Era, November 1909, page 81.)

In the October 1928 general conference, President Joseph Fielding Smith said: “Death is not the end, neither of man nor of the earth. … The Lord intends to save … not only man … but all things which he has created. The animals, the fishes of the sea, the fowls of the air, as well as man, are to be re-created, or renewed, through the resurrection, for they too are living souls.” (See Conference Report, October 1928, pages 99–100.)

fragility

Doctrines of the Gospel class today was

all about

the resurrection.

Our last class was about

death and the spirit world.

Before class started,

Brother Allison made an announcement

He said, "You guys know Isaiah, who sat right over there?"

I knew before he even said the words.

We all held our breath.

He then told us that Isaiah had died this past weekend,

very suddenly of course,

leaving behind a 5-month old baby and a wife.

I sat there with my mouth hanging open...

It's always a shock to the system

when someone dies

but when it's someone you saw in class 5 days ago

and they aren't much older than you

it's a little bit heavier.

I was also assigned to give the doctrinal report today,

meaning that I got up

and shared some scriptures and quotes

about the resurrection.

Suddenly my assignment

became something a little bit more,

and I started to get shaky

I felt like crying

But I didn't have an exact reason for it

I didn't know him very well

But he sat right across from me

Always gave really wonderful insights

I didn't know how to give my report

I know my voice cracked a little bit,

but I felt like sharing this quote:

Many who think that life is unfair do not see things within the larger vision of what the Savior did for us through the Atonement and the Resurrection. Each of us has at times agony, heartbreak, and despair when we must, like Job, reach deep down inside to the bedrock of our own faith. The depth of our belief in the Resurrection and the Atonement of the Savior will, I believe, determine the measure of courage and purpose with which we meet life’s challenges.

James E. Faust, “‘Woman, Why Weepest Thou?’,” Ensign, Nov 1996, 52

I tried hard to bear my testimony of the resurrection,

but I had to swallow the lump

just a few times.

This experience made me think really hard

about the things I value the most

and helped me remember

how very fragile our lives here are.

What are you grateful for today

that you might miss tomorrow?

I can think of a few things...

Thank goodness for this.