Tuesday, March 6, 2012

proof I'm heavily medicated

  • I shaved my legs twice in the last three days (wow, really?)
  • I made up a new slang term: "Holy Granola!" It just came out of my mouth like drool. What??
  • I ate more produce today than most Americans farm animals eat in a week (think of that one time I hate a half a bag of carrots by myself, or half of a pineapple...that times five)
  • I warned my future children against the dangers of drugs in a journal entry. I'm telling you--Benadryl/Aleve/Sudafed--whatever it is, my body can't take it
  • I'm taking double-double naps
  • I'm probably going to regret writing this in the morning
  • I did nothing to my hair today besides 5 variations of the braid
  • I'm listening to lots of Weezer. Hello 17-year old self, nice to see you again
  • It was sleeting outside today, and I walked around in it, for a full 30 minutes. In my current state. I mean, somebody should just get a crane, pluck me up, and stick me in my bed. Clearly I cannot function solo
  • I forgot what day it was...and what month...and maybe the year too. You mean it's not February 6th, 2011? Oh yeah, because if it was, I'd be in Mexico. Darn.
  • I have this insane urge to jump on my bed, but it's 11 o' clock at night so I will refrain
  • Also, it does not feel like it's 11 o'clock at night. More like 5pm. Stupid double-napping!
  • When my doctor commented on the orangey-hue of my skin (seriously, it's not even that orange), I confessed to eating lots of pumpkin and carrots, jokingly offering up a solution. She said, in all seriousness, "Ahh. That's it. I've never seen this before." What the? Ok, I'm an oompa-loompa, now tell me if I have the flu! But, for reals. It's not that orange, aight?
  • That last paragraph


Ging said...

You are still a witty, clever writer and Extremely less creepy and better looking than an Oompa-Loompa.

P.S. I have a blog too-people forgot

funsizetessa said...

more produce than a farm animal. shut up, i die. hahahahaha. and all of this.

shawn rowley said...

some of your symptoms worry me....when did the drooling of phrases begin?