when the universe speaks...

napoleon=the universe

the doll=me

I keep waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. Is this the universe's way of telling me I'm never going to figure out my life and therefore should deprive myself of sleep in order to figure out said life? I mean really, that sentence made no sense. None. Zilcho.

Conference was good. I cried through most of it. Buuut f'reals. I did. And I'm still crying about it. Is this the universe's way of telling me that every talk was "made for me" and if so I really need to shape up my life? Ack.

October is meandering on by, which I like, because it's my favorite month (don't know why this is suddenly a "blogger cliche," I'm preeeety sure it's a human cliche and therefore not a cliche at all). On the other hand, it means there's only two whole months left of 2012 and two whole months until I am no longer 22, and oh gash, that scares me for no reason. The universe is ignoring me on this one. I get no signals.

Stuff that kind of stresses me out right now: people who scream at me when I'm trying to help them get free money, people who swear at me when I'm trying to help them get free money, people who scream in general, the snail trail I found on my carpet...inside my room, my hair and its never ending need for cuttage, the byui alumni emails I keep receiving because they make me sad and also I'm not down with being called an "alumni" yet, and the presidential debates on TV. Sometimes I think I would rather drink a whole huge can of grape juice in 10 seconds than hear everyone talk argue about politics. For the love. Also, every techonlogical thing I own is broken: my car radio, my iPod, my camera, this computer (been in-viru-fected for a year). Hence the lack of pictures these last few months which actually have to do with me.

Stuff that only stresses me out a little because it affects the rest of my life: the GRE and why does such a test have to be the deciding factor of the rest of my life? also, all my TV shows are back on all at once and I honestly don't have time to watch any of them. So mebbe I will just have one TV show from now on, and it will be Arthur (yeash, the cartoon).

Stuff that doesn't stress me out but it should: the current state of my legs (I'm at the halfway point between "okay" and "sicknasty"), the fact that I still don't know what to be for Halloween, this book I am reading about death and heartbreak and oh gash it really shouldn't be read before bed but I do it and why am I not having nightmares? Also, my perpetual state of singlehood should probably stress me out as well, but it doesn't. It did when I was in Rexburg, though. Then again, Rexburg is the place where all of the diamond store advertisements go to make war on single women. I kid you not.

Well, this has been pretty weird. And I have a headache. Probably from venting all of that stuff onto you. Man, aren't I the best? Betcha can't wait until next time. Maybe I will throw a scruffy picture in just for good measure, so I don't lose all two of my followers (hi parents!).

beautiful person alert

something like exhaustion...

So I finished my last final today of 2011...I would cry tears of joy, but I think my tear ducts have had about enough this semester.

It's been a good, hard race. Kind of like the Ragnar. Yeah...that's the perfect analogy for this semester. During the race you keep thinking, "Why the heeeeck am I doing this? I would rather pluck all of my arm hairs off." And then it's over and you find yourself thinking, "Yeah, I could do that again. Why not? Here's a hundred bucks!"

I can only imagine what next semester will be like. Probably Ragnar, ultra-team style. Gulp.

This semester, I learned how much God is aware of me. Meaning that I really don't have anything to worry about. Seriously, nothing. And the peaceful feeling that comes with that has been hard to get used to, but very nice. I enjoy it. And it usually ends well!

For instance, yesterday morning I got up before most woodland creatures do to study for my huge-mongo Spanish final. When I walked into class to take said final, most of the boys looked like they were on the verge of pukedom. One of my friends said, "McKenzie...can you give me a blessing? I'm going to puke..." I laughed and said, "Nope...I can't. But it's going to be okay." Seriously, though. Even the redheads looked pale(r). It was going to be an epic final.

I tried to be positive (and yes, unrealistic, but that's not the point!): "Maybe he'll walk in and say, 'Merry Christmas! No final!'" We laughed nervously, and then, Hermano Rock himself walked in. He asked us about our essays that we'd turned in, made playful banter, etc. I kept thinking, "Why doesn't he get it over with and give us the final?!" It's like waiting for the nurse to give you your shot. You know, she says "Ok, here we go!" and you squeeze your eyes and try to take deep breaths and the needle is coming towards your arm but it's hurtling in slow-motion... "Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis wooooooooooon't huuuuuuuuuuuuurt." Anyways. I was pretty sure the Spanish test was going to feel like a peanut butter shot. So I closed my eyes and hoped for the best.

Then. Then. Hermano Rock said, "Well, if you don't have anything else you want to discuss for the next hour and a half, you're excused." He said this in Spanish of course, so I had to check and make sure I wasn't lost in translation. I turned to the boys behind me and said, "Wait...serious?" One of them said, "Hurry, pack your stuff up before he changes his mind!" Hermano Rock will forever go down as the best Spanish professor in my book. Evah. No contest.

After that I had English. Our "final" was just submitting something we'd written onto the school's online blackboard and then the other class would judge, pick winners, etc. There were winners in Fiction, Non-Fiction, and Poetry. Apparently they also won $25 bucks at the bookstore, cha-ching. Well I sat back and relaxed and ate some cucumber slices provided by the school's catering bidnez. Until Brotha B. said, "And our winner for poetry is Ponyboy Curtis..." Yeah, that's my pen name. Deal wit it. Everyone looked around while he said, "Ponyboy?" Yes, I felt foolish at that moment for choosing such a name. But honestly, I couldn't believe nobody else picked that pen name! Some guy in the class had simply used the pound sign as his pen name. Fo'real. Ok, I'm getting off-topic now. Sooo then I had to get up in front of the class and read my poem with a shaky voice because I'm kind of bad at reading poems out loud. The end.

Now all I want to do is eat a frosty (finals week=no grocery shopping=all that's in my fridge is milk and apples and flaxseed and peanut butter). And take a really long nap. I'm talkin 12 hours. And if I could, I would get in my car (that doesn't exist) right now and drive to grandma bonnie's and upon arriving there I would collapse onto any soft surface (that includes her front yard) and then in the morning I would drive to my house while having a dance party to "Man in the Mirror" in the front seat. And I wouldn't think about school. Not one bit.

it's a day for happiness

what I learned this weekend

a little autumn-ness for you

nothing like hitchcock to get you primed for hallow's eve

ok...one more!

The past few weeks have been pretty sh-sh-shaky, but I've come out on top, thanks to a lovely Stake Conference and lots of pumpkiny deliciousness. What, doesn't anyone else self-medicate with loads of beta carotene? What? Nobody? Okay then...

1. a homemade batch of salsa verde, served up extra hot. We're talkin' an entire jalapeno in the mix, guys. don't worry, I'm not dating anyone...and if I was this salsa might break us up.

2. this book, a gift from Tessaface not too long ago. Every night after journal time, I write in this thing. 'tis awesome.

3. walking by somebody in the library I don't know and hearing him say, "hey mckenzie," kind of creepishly under his breath. Did that just happen to me?! I pretended I was hearing impaired. Then stifled a laugh for as long as I could until he was out of earshot. I think it's 'bout time to delete that facebook account. Yeesh...

4. yet another glorious station on pandora radio. It's hard to not turn it way up in the mornings and jam...but hey, I am nice to the people downstairs. Except when they decide to have guitar practice at 11:30 at night. Then I just want to do a ninja-jump off of my bed onto the floor. Yeah, that's mature.

5. once again pounding some piano keys in the Snow Building. however, this time I was competing with the Mozart next door who just didn't want to hear my take on Jon Schmidt. Sorry, but I used to play against the voice majors. I will out-play you.

6. those brown boots I wear, which will be clean wore-out by the end of next April. Poor things. That's what I get for living in Rexburg.

7. kicking and jumping through the ever-growing pile of yellow leaves on the sidewalk every day as I walk home from school. don't worry, I'm just a 5-year old living in a 21-year old's body.

8. autumny bike rides almost every day.

9. miraculously finding purple long johns at Wal-Mart (I know, and in Rexburg!) for my costume. Oh yeah...it's going to be so saweet you should already be jealous.

10. sleeping like a log. and if I'm going to use that cliche, I'd better un-cliche it and say that I slept like an entire forest. What? The first one didn't make sense either. Just roll wit it.

i can't help it if i daydream in public

pedaling backwards

inhale, exhale,

and here comes summer

early mornings when

first and last become one

eyes are tired, restless

hair undone

my mind is elsewhere

everyone can see it

if only they could feel it,

too.

but really it's an hour ahead

startled, we woke up late

the clocks hadn't changed by themselves

but time waits for nobody,

never has

never will

plan--pancakes

plan--fail

nothing to light the flames

we ate cake instead.

but none of us complained.

i've stopped complaining about certain things

and maybe i am grateful for them instead

or maybe i just ignore them

it feels more like gratitude than anything

words from those who know better

i write them down

but they've already written themselves

inside of me, like they were supposed to be there

all along

i close my notebook, walk home in the sun,

feel the sun, don't forget the way it feels

i see photos of people i know in

the places i normally live

their noses are red and frozen

i shake in my boots.

road trip with myself

it is 9:40 something

I didn't sleep last night

not. a. wink.

needless to say

I am ready for 3:15

when I depart Rexburg.

besides,

I haven't had a stretch of asphalt

all to myself

in a long time

and i'm about ready for

another adventure

I think I will

roll down the windows

turn up the music

and breathe in summer

see you soon, utah

oh yeah. and i found the solution for my chronic hunger woes.

its name is taco bus.

and it is amazing.

see this little slice of heavenly-ness?

it is called a carnita.

mmmmmmmmmm (to the 10th power)

you don't tell them what to put on it

just let them work their

magic Mexican fingers

all you have to do

is say

"quisiera cuatros tacos con carnitas, por favor."

magic words have new meaning now.

yum.

see ya later, rexburg.

*mcfrenzy*

{what happened to my brain}

5pm, June 24th: Doing homework in la biblioteca.

5:05 trying to write proposal for research paper

.....nodding...nodding

5:07 outside to get some energy from the sun

5:08 sun makes my shirt stick to my skin

5:09 eat apple, dream of swimming pool

5:10 shirt is getting stickier

5:15 go back into the library

try not to cry about it

5:20 wander around library looking for someone

5:25 give up looking and sit down

5:30 stare at computer screen

5:31 realize I should be doing homework

5:32 upon this realization, I direct my attention to

this video.

5:34 start laughing out loud in library

5:35 a few people glare at me

5:36 laugh some more, get some more hairy eyeballs

5:40 go back to Spanish homework

5:45 wake up 5 minutes later. Wait...wake up?

5:47 realize I need a nap

5:50 sleepwalk home

6-7 sleep

*dream*

somewhere in here, I woke up and ate something

8:45-10 go back to library to finish what I never started

10-11 go home, journal

11:30 help Niki write her cover letter

11:45 decide a shower is in order

12 am: turn A/C in room to 60. Sink all the way down into my sheets

Did I mention I shaved my legs?

Have you ever shaved your legs and then

gotten between cool sheets?

Try it sometime. It's comparable

to eating lots of chocolate & then

taking a longgg nap.

12:30 read some Junie B. Jones to Chels & Niki

12:45 Good, bad, funny, something you don't know about me

*sleep again, dream again*

June 25th, 8:50 a.m. Woke up, looked at clock

8:51 realized it was morning

8:53 threw on a skirt, popped some Stride

8:55 thought about striding to work

8:56 forgot about brushing hair

8:57 changed my mind about striding to work

8:59 asked Chelsea for a ride

[sidenote: Chelsea is a gooood girl.

You wanna know why? She had a towel on her head.

& she still said yes.]

9-10 am: taught student about strong verbs.

What's your verb?

I have a few right now:

sleep

eat

sleep

study

What? Sleeping is a verb.

10-11: go home, actually get ready

brush teeth

brush hair

lots of brushing

11:30-12:20 library...again

So now you know why my brain looks like this:

I need to go back to bed.