this blog used to be funny.

(if you don't know who this is...yeah I just don't even know what to say to you.

here's a crash course: this and this)

funny...and updated.

But you know what, my classes have been off the heezy lately. And you don't even wanna know what that means.

While I figure out how to be funny/sane again, here is a brain barf..er...journal entry from just last night. I apologize in advance for talking about my legs again. I just can't seem to get off of that subject on this blog. Or in real life. Ha.

{Something smells like chicken noodle soup and it's making me hungry.}<--that's the title, btw

Also, I haven't shaved my legs in 2 weeks, what?! That's kind of sick. But on the other hand, it's flippin' FREEZING here and walking to the library feels like the climb to Everest with the wind chill and all. Ok, maybe not that dramatic. The point is, my legs are going to stay unshaven for at least a few more days. The End and Amen.

Can you tell that this is a brain barf? I figured the title would be a dead giveaway. Seriously, that soup or whatever is cooking (at 10 o'clock at night...hmm) smells GOOD. I'm going off-topic..which isn't breaking any rules because this is a brain barf, folks! I wore 4...no 5 different coats today. Not at all once, of course, because that would be RE-donkulus. And yet, maybe it would be genius. I wasn't a fan of the wind today--it ruined our "snowstorm" which was supposed to strike this morning. Boo. I choose snow over wind any day. Back to my coats. I'm going to rate their effectiveness in this crazycrazycrazy cold weather.

1-my Mexican "drug rug" (don't hate). A solid 7, and it could be higher but I didn't wear it outside and really test its abilities.

2-BYU sweatshirt, 5. It's losing it's fuzziness. Unlike my legs...haha! Ahem. Anyway.

3-brown old navy coat, 0. It's just for decoration after all.

4-grey AE hoodie. A 4, it's way too small, meaning I have grown since age 16! So I guess my doctor was wrong-o when he told me I was done growing in 6th grade. That's right, 6th grade! Do you know how tall I was in 6th grade? Probably not as tall as you were.

5-my winter coat, a 10 of course. Now I just need sufficient coverage for my leggies, cuz my leg hairs+jeans aren't that much protection.

Dude, I can't believe how much I got done today! When I woke up, I was dreading everything that I was going to have to attempt. But somehow, by focusing on one thing at a time, I did it. What the junk? Maybe it's because I deactivated my facespace until April...yeah, maybe. In between classes, I worked on a huge assignment for English 450 (it's kicking me in the pants, seeeriously) and exercised. And worked at the RC (it's a miracle I still work there...I seriously thought about quitting this week because I was so swamped). And made a legitimate dinner. And had scripture study. And looked at moccasins on the internet because I really want some. And listened to lots of indie music, which only made me want to go to Coachella more and see Justin Vernon in the flesh!!!! Sigh."

I'm telling you...on a crazy scale from 1-10, my journals are a 15.

And so is the whole no-snow-in-Rexburg but snow-in-the-Pacific-Northwest thing. These are the things that keep me up at night, friends. Moccasins, Justin Vernon, and the wind practically blowing this apartment to smithereens.

p.s. you need to watch this right now. right. now. ya hear?!!

the brace-face chronicles...

So you know how I sometimes post little excerpts from my journals? Well, I decided to show you guys a little somethin-somethin special. Call it an early Christmas present, from me to you. But if you are prone to laughter, please use the bathroom first. Thank you.

And now, we go back in time....to the year of Y2K, Xenon Girl of the 21st Century, and braces. That's right. 2000. And some 2001, too. I decided not to edit anything, because, well, it wouldn't be near as funny if I did. However, I did add some commentary in the little brackets. Oh, and sorry for all the exclamation points and big letters. Can't blame a 10-year old girl for being a little enthusiastic about life.

January 1st, 2000

"Happy Birthday to me! Now, I am 10 years old! Mom and Dad keep telling me to STOP growing up. I know they are just joking. Ha ha! But kids can't stay like Peter Pan forever! At least not me! I got a lot of neat stuff. A fairy doll, a doll playset, a book, bracelets, a necklace, a cd headphone player [what the junk was I talking about?!], a doll that looks JUST like me, pants, a dress, WAIT! That's all I can remember. [What, did I just experience sudden head trauma?] Crazy huh? [You're telling me.] But the Chronicles of Narnia is only 1 more I can remember. Bye!"

January 26!

One more day 'til the talent show! [just fyi, almost this entire journal revolves around the talent show. I'm not sure why now.] Sorry, I haven't written for a long time. Today I play my violin concert at 7:00pm tonight! We (my class) are singing two songs in the Talent Show called Dr. King & Lewy Lewy [back then I was a phonetic speller, okay?].

February 13!

Oh man! I haven't written Forever! Oh well. Tomorrow is actually Valentine's Day. We have gotten 3 new kids + the 21 we had before. This means I"ll be full on candy tomorrow! Today we had a substitute teacher at church. Brother Stanley. We had a lesson on the Tree of Life. I call the Tree of Life...Cauliflower! Just kidding. Well, my hand writing might be sloppy tomorrow because I'll be sick from candy.

April 14, 2001

I know. I haven't written forever. Well here is a little time machine! I was taking a writing class with my good friend Amy Mathews. We both agree to NEVER go back again. The teacher was nutty and the kids were...well let's just say scary! Abel, was definitely not able. Every time the teacher asked him to read his work, he'd say "PASS!" [Forgive me for my harshness...little kids can be real meanies.]

April 16, 2001

Nothing really happened today. Ha-Ha. Just kidding. As usual I went to violin class but a new thing: she (my mom) was the first to pick me up. Mom is usually the last to pick up--that's right--ME. Mom was on the RADIO! That is not exciting. Ha Ha again. Eh huh again. Ok I will stop being weird. I got cool writing scores. 5, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, and 4, 4, 4, 4 [*facepalm*]. You have to at least get a 4. AWESOME! I was listening to Shania Twain on the radio 3 halfs of a second ago. What's 3 halfs of a second? Shania Twain reminds me of my best friend Liz. She listens to Shania. The best thing about journals are: 1)they don't get graded. 2)They are SECRET [not on this blog...]. 3)they are like historical fiction books, which I love. 4) they do or do not tell lies [huh?].

April 17, 2001

Today was really radical! After school I went ot my BF's house [Lizzy]. 1st we went to Subway. On the way to SUB, I had too many choco-eggs and they made my mouth dry. Afterwards we helped her mom Cheryl clean the dental office by Grandma's house. Eww! I helped w/ the trash. It was dark out, so when I dumped the trash, well...DQ is right over the fence. The food pick-up is right over the fence. I swung the trash a little too far right over to where the DQ customers pick up their food. HA HA! Oops!

April 18, 2001

TALENT SHOW AUDITIONS! The auditions were great! I think I'm in. There is a lot happening at the Talent Show. Some stuff kids did was a little, well, INAPPROPRIATE. Not that I care they move their bodies in weird motions. In math, we got assigned seats! I had to sit by Chris Hardisty. YUCK! [yeah, I totally had a crush on him, fyi.]

April 26, 2001

Today we dissected owl pellets! It turns out the owl had 2 3/4 rodent dinner. We STILL haven't gotten all of the bones out of the "rotten cotton candy"!

April 28, 2001

Today Amy and I went to the movie SPY kids. Weird!!!! It has too much...high tech stuff in it [little did I know...] Afterwards off went went to Orange Julius after her MOM picked us up. It was POURING DOWN HAIL AND RAIN. Then we got back to her house and watched PRINCE OF EGYPT and ate popcorn and cookies. Amy is my other BF. Sometimes I bring extra underwear to her house because she makes me laugh SOOO hard! [I am so ashamed of this...but I had to share. I just had to.]

May 2nd, 2001

Spent the night at Amy's. I am writing this in gel pen because my ink ran out. First of all, Nichelle cheated at track again! I was ahead again, and she pushed me on the corner. She brags terribly! All the time. "My brother is the fastest on his team" "I've never gotten any checkmarks" [in 5th grade, checkmarks were akin to demerits, ok?]. OK, so Amy and I had fun. Ate pizza. She's a blast!

May 10, 2001

Leslie's play was great. On the way to WA, I read and finished the LANDRY NEWS. I've been wearing my hat all day [nothing new here] and so it feels like I have lice. Itch, scratch, itch, scratch! After the play we got Domino's & Cinnastix w/ icing. Leslie and I had to pick up pop from Subway. Michael finished 2 of the Cinnastix and opened the frosting while we left him in the car. No wonder some were missing!

this journaling bidnez is starting to get out of control

Some people's journals are probably going to be LEGIT as far as the angels are concerned. They will quote those things up and down because they'll be really spiritual and inspirational. And mine, well...I just don't know what they will do with mine. "Hey Kenzie, thanks for your contribution, but we won't be needing your crazy stories for another million years."

At least you guys read them.

March 10th, 2010

Tonight I closed with the lovely Dee. If you want to know how busy we were, just know that Dee fell asleep a grand total of three times during our shift. Quizno's is to me as molasses is to winter.

March 15th, 2010

Sometimes I think Heavenly Father looks down at me from heaven and slaps his hand to his forehad, saying 'Oh Kenz...' He loves me--I have no doubt about that--but I bet there are times when He would just like to let me struggle in my own silly weaknesses, because I got myself in the mess in the first place. But I know it's also because of that love that He eventually pulls me out of the stormy seas which I'm in (because I capsized the boat) and asks, "What did you learn?"

April 6th, 2010

Today at the pool a chubby kid with a water gun kept squirting kids with it, including Cal. Ellie drove him away every time he came near. Caleb said, "Well he was super rude." Ha!

July 4th, 2010

Tonight when Caleb hugged mom goodnight he held on for a really long time. She said, "Okay, Cal.." to get him to let go. He said, "I just can't stop loving you!!"

August 2nd, 2010

TP, Kristine and I decided to go up to the grassy part where people were playing Frisbee. I got the brilliant idea to roll down the hill...which was fun 'til I stopped rolling, and then I was just nauseated. I used to have hill-rolling skills...when I was five. We went back to observing the Frisbee game after that along with some crazy-shaped clouds. Tessa and I always see the most random objects in the sky, but that's the fun part. We tried to get Grant to join in--he actually wasn't bad--but he thought his manatee cloud wasn't legit enough. I can't believe I'm actually writing in my journal about a manatee cloud.

August 29th, 2010

Today Ellie said, "Kenzie, I want you to get married now!" Me: "Why?" Ellie: "Because I want you to be a mom!"

September 4th, 2010

Mom wanted to go to the Sundance Outlet Store [while we were in Sugar House], and so Chels, myself, Ellie and Cal sat on the sidewalk by the road and played the alphabet game. Caleb helped Chelsea cheat; whenever she needed a letter, he'd just draw it on his Magna-Doodle. Honestly?! Pretty sure Ellie and Cal are the number one fans in Chelsea's Fan Club.

March 30th, 2011

Today Alejandro and Angelica were talking about math. [Remember these are ten-year-olds]

Alejandro: Math is very easy.

Angelica: For you? For me, no is easy.

Alejandro: Well, I am very intelligent.

April 5th, 2011

Is it weird that I just washed my feet with shampoo because my soap ran out and I don't wanna open a new one five days before I leave?

Is it weird that I wrote Chelsea a brain barf today for her letter?

Is it weird that the people I enjoy speaking Spanish with the most are children?

Is it weird that Alejandro answered every question I asked today with "poop"? Nah...he's a 10-year-old boy. Not strange at all.

Is it weird that I am counting down the number of times I have to use our shower? (down to four more!)

Is it weird that I wrote a journal entry composed entirely of rhetorical questions?

May 17th, 2011

I reserve the right...

...to eat smoothies-in-a-bowl for breakfast. And to lick my lips when I do it, because it's ta-sty.

...to run on treadmills even when the weather's nice because everyone needs a little ESPN classic.

...to play the piano as loud as I can to drown out the voice majors doing drills.

...to file for a teacher I don't even know just so I can hear him rant about politics for an hour and a half. Funny.

...to shower at night so I can wake up with wavy hair.

...to wear my brown boots like everyone else at this school wears TOMS--every stinkin' day.

...to listen to a Phoenix album 3x in one day.

...to eat garlic with dinner every night since the semester started. Twilight fans stay away!

...to want to hike, fish, climb, and camp all summer instead of school. Sometimes you don't get everything you want.

February 9th, 2011

I am really white (mom calls it “fair-skinned” to make me feel better). So when I sat out on the beach for 5 hours on Saturday, I got myself a lovely sunburn. That night I was having trouble walking because I was in so much pain. Hold on, is this a sunburn or is it a tumor?! Well, now my left thigh is swelling up pretty big, turning purple, and yeah, it kinda feels like a tumor. Final conclusion: sun poisoning is bad. I prefer being fair-skinned to being burned and super freckly and my face falling off because it is peeling. Gross.

June 20th, 2010

When I arrived at the airport, Chels and Niki were waiting there with a banner! I sure did miss those girls…obviously they missed me too because I was only gone for 2 ½ days. People standing there waiting probably thought I was coming back from a long vacation or something. Nah, it was just a three day thing. No big.

June 23rd, 2010

In Spanish class, we sang “Viva España” for our opening…um…hymn. I think I laughed through most of it because half of the guys were off-key, half of them couldn’t get the right rhythm, and then the rest of them were singing with the “cecea” (Spanish lisp—those darn RM’s from Barth-e-lona!). Levi said it was probably the worst we’ve ever sounded (accurate…). People walking by the classroom were staring at us like we were a pack of half-crazed wolves howling at the moon. That’s probably what it sounded like… ¡Ay caramba!

Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

This morning Chelsea and myself woke up at 5:30 so we could do everyone’s clean check for them. All of the credit for the idea should got to Chelsea, because she is awesome and always thinks of such things. Anyway, it definitely started my day off right because 1, selfless service has a way of making everything in your life better, 2, getting up early is always bomb-diggity because I get to have a good scripture study, a slow breakfast, and a DP [dance party] all before I walk out the door!

kinda like the disney vault, only not really

with great anticipation (or is it trepidation), i give you a few gems from the journal of mcfrenzy.

November 26th, 2010

"Today didn’t really feel like Friday because I’ve had every day off this week. All of the days are starting to blur together. For the record, I had a super-weird dream last night. Basically, Yo-Yo Ma was my roommate...what the junk was Yo-Yo Ma doing as my roommate? I sort of remember thinking in the dream, “I can’t believe I haven’t told my parents about this yet! It’s so cool! Yo-Yo Ma is my roommate! Ka-ching!”

November 27th, 2010

Oh yeah, and did I mention that we decorated our Christmas tree tonight?! I am starting to get concerned about the amount of ornaments that hang from that thing. Seriously, we didn’t even use all of them, and that thing looked like it was about to tip over. Mom said to me, “If you and Ike ever get married, the tree will be lighter.” I said, “IF we get married?! Sheesh, you better hope we’re not living in the basement 20 years from now or that thing will tip right over!”

12/21/08-Caleb asked mom during sacrament meeting, “Should I yell ‘gun?’”

12/21/08-Caleb asked me before family prayer, “Should I pull my pants down in a restaurant?’”

12/18/08-Ellie said this in family prayer: “Please help Kenzie not to get drunk.”

June 27th, 2010 I walked into the office with the cookies and it was like I had opened a lemonade stand in the desert. It’s so funny to feed boys sometimes. I dunno why.

July 19th 2010 @ the nursing home

The next lady I talked to was named Iva. She was fiddling with her dentures the whole time we were talking but I didn’t realize what they were until halfway through the conversation when she opened her mouth and popped them in. When it was time for us to head to the ward BBQ, I gave her a hug goodbye and said I would be back in the Fall. She looked so hopeful and sweet, how can I not come back? When I gave her a hug she held me tight and said, “I love you!” Oh man…I honestly love old people. LOVE them. Hope this doesn’t sound weird to me 50 years down the road…

July 21st 2010-Chels, Lori, Ash, and myself went to G’s and got the Holy Cow Platter. When we got there we discovered that it was 13 scoops. We figured we could eat half there and save the other half. Too bad we just ate it all in about 20 minutes. I’m still disgusted with myself. I felt so gross afterwards… The only way I could justify eating that thing again would be if there were 4 more people with us and if I was pregnant. The end.

from the best night of our lives, october 16th, 2011

We decided to go exploring by the AF Ampitheatre because there were a zillion cars parked all around it, and the only way that that many people would gather in American Fork on a Saturday night ( I thought) is if Sarah Palin was giving a speech there or something. And it was 10 o’clock at night, so I decided to rule that out. When we first tried to ask people what was going on (lots of people were walking up the hill), they looked at us like we were crazy. Correction: they looked at TP like she was crazy. Allie stopped her van to ask some people, and TP could only get out the words “Ummmmmmmmm…” They stared at us like we were on drugs, so Allie gunned it. I thought I was gonna pee my pants cause I was laughing so hard.

“You know what I just realized? I am…mean! I am bitter about love.” –Chelsea Ann Bedke on December the 5^th, 2010

December 7th, 2010

Today I might have done a little bit of mango research. Do you realize how weird that last sentence sounded? Court and Chels were making fun of my awesome mango knowledge. I don’t even like mangoes. This is sad. And funny, right? Please tell me it’s funny.

5/1/2010

I was in the middle of a dream about Liz and her fiancée, only this time it was Nick, not Mark, and they were getting engagement pictures taken in the McKenzie River...weird. I guess that was my subconscious mind's way of telling me that I'm still not adjusted to the idea of Liz getting married.

10/30/2009

At 3am the morning crew came in and apparently they decided to dress up for work [in honor of Halloween]. One girl was walking down a dark hallway towards me and her face was painted. So...I couldn't really tell what I was seeing. Because I was so stinkin' tired, neither the flight nor the fight response was working. As she walked by me (I was frozen in place) she said "Good morning!" and that's when I realized she was human. The boys could not stop laughing at me. Oh, and I totally biffed it on the rug on my way out the door as I was leaving. I was so tired I just laid there in the middle of the hallway.

4/7/2010

Tonight at Institute I sat in my desk before class, just thinking/stewing/pondering. Mostly about Mexico. And how scared I am, worried that I am disappointing people, and feeling like I am somehow "cheating" by doing this instead of a mission. Negative Nancy, right? Then Proverbs 3:5-7 came into my mind out of "nowhere." We all know it actually came from the Spirit. The Lord is always ready and willing to answer our prayers when we let Him in!

6/2/2010

Spanish class was just funny; all of those crazy R.M.'s have really grown on me. Hermano Alba decided that we should start doing a good news minute before class, but the name "good news minute" was "too femme." So he changed the name to the "gnarly news." Ha! Then all of the news we had from a few of the guys was about girls in their lives. So much for avoiding femininity.

6/4/2010

Note to self: attempting cartwheels on the lawn at 12am doesn't make my chances of actually being able to do one go up. It just gives me fat bruises.

8/9/2010 (this is the entire entry)

15 hours in a car...is too many.

9/5/2010

Ike's birthday partay and dinner were fantastico--homemade tomato soup+homemade rolls. Ellie was really hyper during the opening of the presents (when is she not?). She gave Isaac a book she bought at some garage sale, called "Cupid Explains it All." Caleb said, "Ellie, Cupid's just a false god, so you shouldn't be giving that to Isaac anyway." What da?!

9/11/2010

As for my first race, this is what I learned: you should learn to eliminate the word "can't" from your vocabulary when you set a goal if you really want to achieve it.

11/16/2010 *the day I wore a shower cap to the grocery store cuz I lost a bet*

It wasn't really that bad...at first I was really embarrassed when I put it on, cuz I could feel everyone staring at me. I guess I know how people with physical deformities feel now. A little empathy never hurt anybody. After awhile it was kinda fun to do my shopping with a straight face and an ugly shower cap on my head. When the cashier checked me out she asked how I was doing. I was temped to say, "Oh, I'm feeling very clean, thanks!" Ha! But I didn't.

11/31/2010

Today my eyes were opened and I had the biggest a-ha moment evah. I feel like a new person, and it feels really good. Yesterday was kind of yucky, not gonna lie, but there's always darkness before the sun comes out, right? This new Kenzie is going to be assertive. She's going to love herself and not apologize for it. She's going to serve someone every day, even if it's just little things. She will pray with sincerity and hope, believing in the plan that Heavenly Father has for her. She will keep smiling, keep being a friend, keep being confident in where she's going. She will find joy in the little things.

12/2/ 2010

I was sitting at my desk, in front of my computer, minding my own bidnez, when one of those red-vested librarian dudes walked by. He tripped on my computer cord and simultaneously winked at me! I think everyone saw...and I was weirded out. Some people are too generous with their winks. Just sayin'.