Wednesday, May 2, 2012

clueless

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I could use a road trip right about now.

Everyone keeps asking me how it feels to be graduated. I honestly don't know...cool I guess. Now what? More school. But not before I get a real job. But not before I have a temporary job for five weeks. Not before I get a car, and move out, and become an adult.

Why must everything have to come before that? I wonder.
Confession time.

confession one: I have no clue what I'm doing right now. But everyone's favorite question to ask me is, "So now what?" I wish I had a clipboard that had "Ideas for what Kenzie should do next" written on the top. So when people asked me that question, I could hand them the clipboard.
confession two: Yes, I'm (maybe) going to grad school, but I feel wayyy underqualified. Grad school is for people who write master theses! What!
confession three: I deactivated my facebook again. Sometimes that thing just really irritates me. I don't want to bore you with why. Just know that I get tired of it, the same way I get tired of being in the mall, or stupid TV shows/TV in general, or music on the radio.
confession four: I have cried more in the past five months than I think I did all last year. Or maybe for the last 21 years. Ha! I'm telling you, my tear ducts are working up the heezy lately. It's okay. Crying is good.
confession five: I'm debating posting this because it's way too Negative Nancy and that's not what people wanna read, is it? You all want a happy list or something right?
confession six: Welp, this is a blog after all. And a human being writes it. Therefore, I am sorry if this comes off as cranky. I feel a bit lost, that's all.
confession seven: Last night I was sitting on my bed, with my journal in my lap, pondering. I'll have you know that this particular time of day is always ripe for revelation, at least for me. Anyway, I was thinking about all of these semi-depressing things and I started to write them out. But then something awesome happened--the Spirit gave me some solutions. They were no-brainers, too. The things you hear in church every week. But I happen to know that the Spirit doesn't mess around, so I'd better get to work.
confession eight: because of number seven, I've decided I need to spend less time on the computer. which means less bloggerizing (sorry all five of you who read this!), and obviously less facebook. you can always call me or (gasp!) write a letter. 'tis possible.
confession nine: my bike+my music=the only solution for my cabin fever right now.
confession ten: living at home when you are a college graduate is kind of hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love not having to cook for myself every day in the midst of homework and I love our cozy house, but I do feel less...independent? It's hard to go from living on your own for 3.5 years to the basement again. But I'm working on it!

Any words of encouragement would be loverly. I hope you don't hate on this blog now because my confession session was mostly complaints. :/

3 comments:

JP Anderson said...

Kenz, you are an amazing women with endless potential. Just head in the direction you want to go and it all seems to work out. You are much loved by all, most of all by He who knows your wishes best.

A.E. said...

I want you to know I go through all of these same emotions!!! Even though I'm not graduated. It's the same with marriage--it's amazing, but sometimes you feel like "whoa I am an adult.. this is what I wanted all my life...now what?!". And people seem relentless in their constant questioning. Sometimes we're enduring, even though we have huge blessings. Trust that Heavenly Father has a plan for you, I'm constantly reminding myself of that. And facebook/blogging world depresses me too. Let's bake healthy treats, read, go outside the door! Surviving returning to home after college is hard too--I've done that... Eeeeek! I love you Kenz.

Amy said...

You've accomplished much quickly, but don't let that put you in a funk. I can't wait to see what you will accomplish next!