Tuesday, May 31, 2011

headless chicken


I'm sorry for the horrible images conjured up in your mind by the blog title.

However, it epitomizes what I felt like basically all day.

The days/weeks after a long weekend are always kind of skeewompus. It's a bit hard landing back on my feet, and I just need that extra day off to get over my days off. Make sense? Well I knew it was going to be one of those "recovery-without-the-recovery" days when I woke up at 7:50am, ten minutes before my first class, which happens to be fifteen minutes away.


When the alarm doesn't go off, even when I set it correctly (AM, not PM, for once!), and somehow I am still twenty minutes late to class...oh I just want to throw that alarm. But I have a bad arm. Never been good at throwing objects.

So instead of being all mopey-dopey, how's about I make a happy list and try to feel bettah? Okay then.

1)Nacho Libre. "Get that corn outta my face!" I know you just laughed a little bit to yourself, am I right?

2) Heavy rains pulling into Rexburg, and then sunshine all day today. Maybe spring really is here. Oh wait, it's June. So what season is this, then? Sprummer? {spring+summer can't make up its mind}

3) 500-page wedding magazines that my roommates buy and leave on the counter for me to read while I eat breakfast. Every girl likes ogling at dresses every now and then. And I ain't afraid to admit it.

4)finding this saweet language-learning program on byui's website that is not only free but has probably been there the whole time I've been in school... and I'm just now finding it?!*Facepalm* Don't worry, I'm gonna use it now. I already learned that you only say "Buenos dias" from 12pm-7pm. The whole time I was in Mexico I always wondered when to switch from "Buenos dias" to "Buenas noches." Was it at sunset? When the first stars came out? When the Mexicans start eyeing you like the white girl you are if you use it incorrectly? Usually we went with that last one. Never failed.

5) filling up all of the weekends of June with activities so that this month will sprint by. And then I will be left at the end saying "Three weeks of school left say what?!"

6) planning my schedule for next semester...and you thought this semester's was good. Well now I only have two left, and I made them fun on purpose. Soccer, spanish, soccer, spanish... you get the picture.

7)cheating on that no-sugar thing over the weekend, realizing it was a bad idea when I felt pukey and headachey all the way home, deciding sugar isn't my best friend anymore, goodbye sugar. I'm not even sad. But G's Dairy Delights might be because they lost a customer....who hasn't even been all semester anyway. Doink.

8) coming up with more funny/random ideas for this blog o'mine. I know that little sidebar says I have 26 followers, but really I think I have ten times more, because I keep finding new readers stumbling upon it each day...usually from Panama, Portugal, Brazil, Ukraine, Mexico (all over, not just where I lived), Africa, Iran, etc. Who are you people?! But hey....keep reading my blog. It's usually better than this. I think. Anonymous blog stalkers welcome! (I do it too)

9) Realizing that in 24 hours, I will be on my way to the mountains, far away from papers and discussion boards and grades. And you can bet I'll wear my yellow hat when I go.

10) this song. the best line: "when you run, make sure you run to something and not away from."

Friday, May 27, 2011

brain barf + road trip

there's no reason this is here besides the fact that I think it is chilarious.

As they say in Mexico "ya me voy!"

Meaning...I am leaving.

Here's another brain barf from class on Thursday, for your entertainment. Have a faaaaaaaaabulous weekend. Even if it snows where you are. :(

Dear inner child,

Hello there. It’s been far too long since we last spoke, and I’ve been thinking about you lately. Do you still try to ride your bike past the mailbox when nobody’s looking? Do you still take risks? Do you still spend hours drawing one little picture just to give your mom? Do you tell her you love her? Do you purposely leap into deep puddles and get mud on your skirts? You see, I’ve been too closed up in myself lately, sealed there like an unopened envelope. I need to be opened. I need to look at someone, and have their eyes (whatever the color) slice right through me, and let all of this real me out. You were the one who always ate too much cotton candy at the fair. You were the one that climbed trees barefoot when it was dark outside, the one who always thought the next-door neighbor lady was a witch, the one who fetched all of your brother’s wiffle balls that always found themselves on the other side of the fence. You looked fear in the eye without blinking, always winning the staring contest. Now I want to win.

If you think that's weird, you should see the brain barfs in my journal. Ha.
ok, I'm really leaving now, off to hike or picnic or run or play soccer with my broski.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

rained on


Well this is awkward.

This morning I decided to wear a skirt, which is not an unusual decision for me to make on Tuesdays. Tuesdays are devotionals days. Then I went outside, and the wind blew, like it usually does. I held down my skirt frantically, like I always do.

Then the rain started to pour, horizontally I might add. Pretty soon my skirt looked like a waterfall. I was soaking wet--soaking I tell you--when a girl passing by must have noticed I needed a pick-me-up.

"I like your skirt!" [as I'm holding it between my legs]
"Oh..thank you!" I must have sounded like a drowning cat or something.
I don't think she could see my grateful face because it was obscured by my curly wet hair (think Mufasa-style, only after a flash flood).

Then I got into the big Family Foundations meeting in the Taylor Chapel. One of the professors at the door handed me the study guide, which promptly turned into soggy, useless mush when my hands touched it. I'm like King Midas, only I'm not a King, my name is McKenzie, and everything I touch becomes the texture of wet toilet paper, not gold. So...maybe not so much like King Midas.

Also, wearing a coat with a giant hood presents its own set of problems. I can't hear people talking to me if they're off to the side...it's sorta muffled. So if anybody called my name when they saw me walking around campus and I ignored you...I either really don't want to go on that second date with you or I couldn't hear you (that first part was a joke....duh).

And let's not forget about peripheral vision. Meaning, friends, that I have none when I wear that bulky red coat. So let's not talk about how many people I grazed shoulders with/completely ran into today because I truly didn't see them walking there. Oy.

I would post a picture of myself, but I am afraid too many of you will shout "Medusa!" as soon as you see it and run away, never to read this blog again. So we'll just save that for another, less Oregon-y day.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

if the world really was ending tonight...

I would pick Oregon blackberries along the bike path until my fingers turned hypothermia blue.

I would go fishing at Catherine Creek with dad.

I would find Liz or she would find me, and we'd go hammocking.

I would heli-drop onto a mountain and board straight down it.

I would run the Ridgeline trail in Eugene in the early morning.

I would jump on the tramp with the Chineseans for hours.

I would go do baptisms in this temple with Ike.

I would camp in the woods by the ocean with Grandma and Grandpa Livingston.

I would garden with Grandma Bonnie and Grandpa Ray.

I would sit on the pitcher's mound with Tessa and we'd read letters.

I would eat pumpkin pancakes + taco bus + mom's sunday dinner for my all of last meals.

I would climb Angel's Landing just for the view from the top.

I would shred the ivory in the practice rooms so loudly that you couldn't hear the voice majors practicing drills.

I would break into the MTC and give Chels another bottle-note.

I would read my favorite books while I sat in a tree.

I would go back to Mexico and play soccer with all of my estudiantes y amigos.

I would go on a long drive with mom and we'd talk about brilliant nothingness.

I would walk barefoot along the foamy pathways of Neptune Beach.

I would tell everyone I haven't told yet that I love them.
Yes, that means you.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

sueños locos

sometimes I don't even understand myself.

The other night I dreamt Liz became my new conscience (think Jiminy Cricket), except she was a cockroach. I remember her turning into one of the yucky little buggers right in front of me. Except then she talked. Best friends turning into talking cockroaches? My dream mind is on some kind of drug that I'm not aware of....serious.

My English teacher once said that Samuel Coleridge (famous British poet) took some opium and fell asleep, which produced the famous poem "Kubla Kahn." Have you ever read it? Does it make any sense whatsoever? No manches (Mexico slang for "no flippin' way"). And that, my friends, is the power of drugs. Don't mess wit 'em.

My prof also said that we are probably capable of doing the same thing, only Mormon-Style. Por ejemplo--Benadryl: A Sonnet.

Now that stuff makes me crazy.

Then last night I dreamt that it was the 2nd coming (probably had something to do with what I wrote before I went to bed). But instead of hiding in bomb shelters and looting Broulim's, I was getting ready to perform in a pageant at the upper playing fields. Explain this to me please. #1, I have never been in a pageant and probably never will be in one. #2, people all over my dream were talking about how I had done so well in such-and-such-musical in high school. People, I never was in a musical. Oh and by the way, Isaac was pigging out on fast food (we're talkin' the Big Judd's Special times ten) because hey, the second coming was about to happen. Por que no?

Man oh man how I wish I could understand my dream mind! It's seriously insane. I bet my bottom dollah that psychologists would really get some textbook material out of it if they studied it for long enough. But...sorry...I'm not donating my body to science.

If my dream mind was a river, it would be a class 5.
If my dream mind was a race, it would be an Ironman on steroids.
If my dream mind was a candy, it would be Warheads & Sour Skittles washed down with Sprite.
If my dream mind was a food, it would be the hottest salsa ever invented on top of more salsa.
If my dream mind was a movie scene, it would be that one in Willy Wonka when they are going through the psychedelic tunnel and Gene Wilder has a mental breakdown.
If my dream mind was a song, it would be Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds+I am The Walrus (the craziest Beatles songs ever. And probably drug-induced).
If my dream mind was a natural disaster, it would be a freak lightning storm in the middle of December.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

why I don't read the news anymore

speechless is what I am.

usually we "save the date" for weddings. but...okay...I can work with this.

dude...we can predict earthquakes now. sha-bam.

So I decided to get on CNN and read about the goings-on of the world. I was totally out of the loop while I was in Mexico (not exactly a bad thing considering all of the ho-hum-drum-bums in this world). And then a week after I returned, I was back in school. No time to look at CNN unless I really needed to laugh (it's all about the comments section, I tell you).

Well, I'm here to tell you there's no point. There's nothing worth reading about in the news these days. One article talked about how catching bin Laden was humiliating to Pakistan. I've taken a class on Pakistan so I was interested in it. It was alright, I guess. But the worst part was the comments....oh man...made me ashamed to be American, the things some people were saying. There are lots of close-minded people in this world. I may not know about every culture and understand every religion, but being in Mexico taught me that we don't need to be afraid of people who are different. That's not the way God intended things to be.

Then there's this Schwarzenneger bidnez. How do you even spell that guy's name? Anyway. I am really getting bored of all the politicans/athletes/so-called idols being thrown into the spotlight because they were unfaithful to their wives, or had a psycho breakdown because they just couldn't control their anger, or were caught using drugs. Sigh. I don't want my future children to have these people to look up to. Certain sports aren't the same anymore because they've been so tainted by cheating athletes. I hardly know when any politicians are telling the truth. And when it comes to movie/TV actors (a certain actor whose name rhymes with "mean," "bean" and "clean" comes to mind).....fuhgetaboutit.

From now on, I will stick to the regular ol' Wall Street Journal for news. It may not all be pleasant stuff to read, but at least some of it is interesting. Then of course there's lds.org. I would.

p.s. If you have been keeping up on the news like I have {not}...then you know something BIG is happening on Saturday. I hope you all have your 72-hour kits ready.
p.p.s. I really want to be there when the person who came up with this idea goes to bed that night without judgment day having happened. "Gee, I wonder what's taking Him so long..." BAHA. Dude, just read Matthew 25:13. That's all I gotta say.

/end rant.

Monday, May 16, 2011

happiness, otra vez

I seem to be drowning in happiness these days. I guess 78 degree weather, sandal tans, frisbee and bike riding can do that to you.

1. Confession: I wouldn't mind living on a farm when I grow up. That's why I kind of really like this blog.

2. twizlberry. the only place in town that has sugar-free frozen yogurt. how many more weeks of this, mom?!

3. amy mathews. not just her blog....even though it is pretty amazing, I like the person better. We go to taco bus together and watch really awful movies (cough-the tourist-cough)
{please ignore my overly tanned face. it's mexico's fault. promise i don't fake bake or wear orange makeup.}

4. THE SUN. is. finally. here. oh how i love it.

5. it's called coconut shampoo, and it makes my hair smell like pina colada. definitely a good thing.

6. an excerpt from "Never Sniff a Gift Fish." I have read and re-read this page a number of times since checking out the book. I don't know why but it makes me laugh out loud every time. Okay, I know why. Just read it:

7. cinnamon. I put it on everything. No, serious, everything. My apples, my cereal, my yogurt, my PB&J, my banana smoothie. Good thing it's only fitty cents at Wally World, cuz I am a pobrecita.

8. When the automatic door at Wal-Mart is out of order and I make a big show of trying to magically open it with wave of my arms. And then I see the Out of Order sign, obscured by tinted glass. Awkward moments abound.

9. jumping off of sand dunes in the middle of nowhere + other mischief. because what else is there to do here on a friday night?
favorite quotes:

erin: "there's a hole in my pants and some sand is leaking out of it...."
me: "you're like a broken hackey-sack!"

anonymous person: "do you think anyone can see me in here with my pants off?"

random guys we didn't know: ooga-booga-ooga-booga!!!!! (think my old high school mascot)
me: did they just do a neanderthal mating call? what was that?

rachel: my comm teacher says it's gonna get all rainy and gross again next week, because that's what always happens when it gets this nice out. people dress immodestly, so God punishes us by bringing back the yucky weather.

HA!! only at BYU-I.

10. playing legitimate quidditch in the park, minus the brooms. I felt like a fool the whole time. Dan, if you're reading this, you're gonna pay. Don't worry, though, cuz I convinced Erin to "fake-injure" me so we could get out of the game. We are sly. And I'm a good actress when it comes to screaming and holding my leg in agony.

11. yummy salads for lunch. um...you're drooling on your keyboard.

12. random thunderstorms in the middle of a springy day. I love it when the sun is shining and rain is pounding the ground at the same time.

13. taking walks with Courtney Gopp like we're freshman again, even though that was three years ago, and I can't believe how much has changed since then. And how much is the same.

14. when sand fills up my tennies and then I have to walk all funny, like a penguin. My life is really good.

15. I'm reading 1st Nephi right now and it has never applied to my life more than it does now. Every day I read something else that makes me go, "Whoa." It's like reading entries from my journal that I haven't written yet.

16. number of trips outside Rexburg I have planned already: two, possibly three. number of people coming to visit me this summer: two, possibly three. number of times I have listened to this song: two, possibly ten.

17. this place. ahh.

Thursday, May 12, 2011


I know I don't normally do this, guys, but I can't stop listening to this song. So go listen and be amazed.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

i was happy, so i wrote it down

1. only the best pandora station ever ever ever. ever.
2. raw almonds, in my cereal, in my yogurt, in my mouth. mmmm almonds.
3. this yellow beanie. i wear it all the time. chelsea called it the hobo hat. do you concur?

4. checking out one book every day of the week from the library. i think the librarian man is starting to recognize me. he even calls me by name. that sly fox.
5. spring starting to show its face. i know it's rainy, but that's the equivalent of an oregon spring to me, so. it's a start.
6. writing brain barfs for class. brother cameron told us to write one based on a prompt he got from 2 Nephi when Nephi says "I glory in my Jesus." Hence this:

My Jesus is running into that burning building, teetering one way or the other, not knowing if he is coming out again, he is falling asleep wondering about his children, what they will become, if they will remember everything he taught them, he is watching a friend stumble, down and down, only to be there at the bottom, already waiting with arms oustretched, he is watching carefully out the window when the thunderstorms roll in with such precision he made, he is waiting for the moment when the light touches the sky just perfectly and then he knows, he knows, he is pulling me up the hill when my legs give out, they just won’t go because I am so imperfect and so weak, there he is again to tell me of course you can, so I do it, he is walking on trails in the forest, listening for the sound of the sea, thinking of the questions lost there and how he will answer them all, he is playing music alone.

7. shredding the ivory in the practice rooms in the Snow Building. Sometimes the pianists next door to me get really loud, so we have duets. Yeah, it's kinda cool.
8. deciding what to do with that english major, por fin (that means finally). it involves traveling and teaching english. sounds like me, huh?
9. I'm gonna finish the Book of Mormon by the end of June! And that means I will be 1/4 of the way done with that goal of mine! (see #2)
10. naps+crazy dreams in which my parents give me a giant laptop for graduation and it gets washed away in a giant tsunami. huh?
11. first time at big judd's. ahh yeah.
12. people who dare to walk around rexburg like this:

if she wants to wear a cape, more power to her.
{ha...accidental joke. sorry. i know i'm the only one laughing.}

13. ashley and i's to-do list for the semester. it involves lots of camping, hiking, fishing, rafting, and general mischief. hopefully the weather will soon cooperate. if not, well i guess we'd better get some good rainboots.
14. taco bus twice in one week. it's so delicious, i can't stay away. plus, they have novelas on in there. it's not like i can't watch novelas in my own apartment. it's just that in the taco bus, i don't feel as ashamed for doing so. that is all.
15. this devotional. i can't get it out of my head.
16. everyone who reads this blog and does not comment, because you boost my self-esteem just for reading it (that includes you from iran, france, africa, mexico, and brazil. yes, i know you read my blog, and you are cool for doing so).

Saturday, May 7, 2011










{photo essay by ellie}

I've been hanging out in the library way too much. I made it my goal to not be in there very much this semester. Well, I failed this week, folks. Anywho, whilst I was in the library (dang, using the word "whilst" really ups your I.Q.) I heard some preeety interesting stuff.

guy sitting in front of me at computers: hey, does anyone know how to spell marijuana? (looking at me, so I take out my headphones)
me: say what?
guy: I said, do you know how to spell marijuana?
girl next to me: huh? nope...sorry.
me (laughing): yes. yes I do.
guy (turning back to his computer and looking back expectantly at me): okay...go!
me: M-A-R-I-J-U-A-N-A.
guy: sweet! thanks!
me: nooo problem.

I would just like to say to everyone who was on the 1st floor that day--I have always been a good speller. But I don't do drugs. Alright? Alright.

other conversations I really got a kick out of this week:
girl, to me, as I rode my bike past the Romney building: wow.
me, looking around strangely, wondering if she was talking to me for real: .......
girl: I mean, wow. I bet your legs are, like, SUPER strong. Seriously. I could not go up this hill on a bike. Wow. [FYI there is no hill where I was biking....now picture my confused expression]
me: oh...heheh...yeah. [pedaling away]

Was I supposed to say thanks? Oh awkward moments...they follow me like luck follows the Irish.
Not so lucky for me.

In Family Foundations {pretty appropriate considering the conversation}
guy: are those rhinestone feathers on your earrings?
girl: what? are you making fun of me? [classic girl tactic. she doesn't want to act flattered that the guy noticed her earrings, so she goes for the ol' "flirting by being put off" technique]
guy: No! I'm just curious. [poor guy]
girl: You're always making fun of me. [man, she's good.]
guy: No, I'm not. Do you need a hug to make you feel better? [and this guy is the epitome of smooth. like butter, i tell you]
girl: No.
guy: Are you sure?
girl: Yes.
guy: Well, for the record, I like the earrings. You know rhinestone feathers were popular with Britney Spears a few years back.
girl: I don't think you should know that.
guy: I have five sisters. I know a lot of things I shouldn't.
girl: wow.

tessa and I's text conversations:

me: fasting for 24 hours is awesome except for the fact that I ate 3 helpings of dinner. ahh so good.
tessa: haha you just got major blessings!
me: yeah I drank like 32 oz. of water in 10 minutes too.
tessa: oh my gosh you camel.
me: for reals. also I took an hour long nap today and I'm still tired. fasting takes it out of you!
tessa: yeah it does! At least that's what Jesus told me.

another convo:
me: dude we got osama and he's dead! turn on the news!
tessa: what?!?!? oh my gosh!!!!
me: I read in scribber study today about Nephi cutting off Laban's head. Co-inky-dink!
tessa: Bahaha. Definitely a foreshadowing there.

don't judge us because we talk about religious stuff via text messaging....

more craziness to come, folks. much more.

p.s. does it bother you that I call you "folks"? Because it bothers me. Partly because I don't know who you are, exactly, and "folks" is an old word. Do you know what I mean? Okay nevermind.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

draggin' my feet


Sorry I've been off the grid lately. It was kind of intentional, you know, to make you guys miss me.

Did it work?

Don't answer that.

I have some saweet posts coming up, but for now, I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive, still crankin' out 8 hours of homework a day (who has time for eating and sleeping, I mean really, who?!), still wanting to be outside all of the time but sadly I didn't sign up for that class ("that" class being the nonexistent one where we just hang out in the mountains all day long), still living in the dadgum library.

For now I'll leave you with the weirdest ad that has ever come up on my Pandora station:

Obnoxious lady voice: "A bra is a lot like a friend! It's hard to find a good one that supports you just right, but when you find do, it's a great fit for-ev-er."

Is this for real?