Thursday, March 1, 2012

a basic glossary, in case you can't understand me.

some people shouldn't be allowed in front of cameras after 12am.

The other night some of my old friends from freshman year came over while I was bakin' up the heezy. I made muffins and bread, and gave it all to them, because I really can't take it when people say they "finally broke down and ate a package of Ramen." Uh-uh, not around me you won't. So anyway, I was popping the muffins out of the muffin tin and some of the crusty part got stuck. I said, "Do you want the little crumb-ditties, too?" He looked at me and said, "Oh yeah, I forgot about Kenzie Slang."

Huh? Kenzie Slang? Are you saying I have my own language or something?

Well, then I thought about it some more. And I came to the conclusion that yes, I do have my own slang. In case you were bored, here is an itty-bitty list. Now whenever you are around me you don't have to whip out google translate if I say one of these terms (and even if you did whip out google translate, it would not be able to help you. It once told a roommate in Mexico that "pastel" meant "crayon" instead of "cake," and that is a funny story for another blog post).

crumb-ditties: also known as the "corners" when it comes to baked goods.

ditty: just a thing. I dunno, I use it interchangeably for all sorts of things. Usually when I'm talking about a conversation or a song or something. Yeah, that wasn't vague at all.

redonkulus: otherwise known as "ridiculous"--go watch Bolt and you will undastan

pure awesomeness: used when talking about a favorite song, book, or person (Justin Vernon/Marlon Brando/the inventor of peanut butter)

celestial deliciousness: used to describe something insanely tasty which I have consumed, i.e. food from the taco bus or yogurtland

to the "nth" power: usually for emphasis, like "I was craving a popsicle to the 10th power" or "I needed a nap to the 100th power."

ya dig?: simply means "are you with me?" but not in a rude way. more like, "we're friends so I think you should agree with me."

the fuzz: my mom thinks this one is just means "the cops." So I guess she thinks cops are funny? Oh well. 

heck to the no manches: I'm so cool I combined slang terms from two different languages. "Heck no" is Utah slang, and "no manches" is Mexican slang. They both mean the same thing. But when I combined them, it was like an atomic explosion of slang. What?

what the mess/junk: I have been saying "what the junk" since the tender age of 14, until someone told me it was weird, so I stopped, and then that same friend who told me I had my own language started saying it, and I felt validated.

"the club cannot handle me right now": I am tired of these people I am surrounded by. A.K.A. get me outta here. 

tight like unto a dish: this was stolen from the Book of Ether. I can only say it around fellow Mormons, otherwise I get really weird stares instead of laughter. Use it in a sentence, you ask? "Me and Chelsea Bedke are tight like unto a dish." Bam.

creepstache: a creeper, weirdo, or scary person who lurks in dark alleyways and is also inebriated. this does not imply that all people with mustaches are creepy...but I bet when most of you imagine a creeper, you're thinking of a guy with some kind of facial hair, am I right?

oh my lanta: "oh my gosh" or "oh my goodness" equivalent

oh shnap: "oh snap" with an "h" thrown in. Do I really have to explain these anymore?

oh my gash: I noticed that it's funnier when people pronounce "gosh" with a weird, drawn-out accent, like "gash." So I do it on purpose. Ummm...and that's all. Yep.

whatev: back in the day, me and Chels were fluent in "abreev." And this is one of those words that has not yet faded away from that time in my life (other words I sometimes use from this era are "def" and "totes")

what the crepe? I was tired of saying "crap," so I started saying "crepe" because it almost sounds the same but it conjures up images of a tasty breakfast instead of...well, yeah. The other stuff.

noodles! same thing as "shoot!" or "dangit!"

up the heezy: a lot of something, yo

"brain barf": regular readers of this blog know that a brain barf is just my regular writing style, i.e. I write whatever the junk is coming into my head at the time, and it is a big fat mess. Kind of like the back of the car that one summer we went really fast down that windy road and Ike had eaten too many Cocoa Puffs....

sha-bam: when I write something cool and I expect you to respond with "whoa" or "duh," I stick this at the end, kind of like a kick in the sentence's pants. It's like an exclamation point...without the exclamation point.

coolioso: "cool" with "ioso" at the end, hence making it sound Spanish when it fact it is just McFrenzy Slang.

"confession session": whenever I need to confess a bunch of things, I do it on the world wide web and slap this title on it. Fastest way to get people to know all my secrets, hands down.

"I'll karate-chop so-and-so's face": just another way to say "I'm going to beat that person up," but not literally. Just in my mind...

tuneage: music that I listen to that just so happens to be splendid.

yerp: yes, yeah, siiiii

yesh: see "yerp"

chyeah: see "yerp" or "yesh"

amazeballs: yeah I debated even putting this on here, but I say it. I should probably stop. All it means is "amazing."


Amy said...

I'll be stealing some of these. But maybe not that amazeballs suff.

shawn rowley said...

facial hair is not "creepy" it stays in one place....

Ging said...

I love you to the nth degree. This is what happens when you are a English major, a Spanish minor, born in Utah and my daughter.

funsizetessa said...

This made my day. Straight up.

JP Anderson said...

"Tight like unto a dish" is definitely my fave (more kenz lingo there, "fave"). I said "my lanta" just today. You're contagious.