inevitably, the sun is going to shine through

even the sun finds a way.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and a lot of it hasn't been encouraging. I know I'm one of those people that's black or white--if I'm happy, I'm really happy, and if I'm sad, I'm really sad. Most of the time, I'm on the brighter side of things. Perhaps it's the weather...I really miss October and autumny-ness. It never lasts long enough where I choose to live. And lately I have been in a shlump, if you will. I feel like a good strike of lightning would cure me, or something to that effect. The thing with life is, you can't wait for stupendous things to happen--you have to make them happen yourself.

I've been reading in my old journals to help me make sense of things. I re-read my journal a lot, because the truth is, most of the hard stuff doesn't make a lot of sense until it's in your rear view mirror. I think it's pretty silly of me to think that one day I'm going to be able to "get it"--that I'll get a trial and be able to say, "Okay, I know exactly what I'm supposed to learn from this." It seems that one of the biggest lessons I have been needing to learn from trials is that I can't do it alone. I can't figure life out by myself; and when I try, I do a really bang-up job. The other half of this crazy equation is that I often feel like I can't figure out what the Lord wants me to do. I sometimes think I have it figured out, and then I'm surprised yet again. I'm constantly being turned around. So right now the trick is being in tune and then putting one foot in front of the other, even if it doesn't make any sense. That's basically the story of my life. And probably all of our lives...

One thing I've found to be helpful is to look for patterns in our lives, just to get a "sneak-peek" as to where the Lord is leading us. One pattern I've noticed is friendship...I seem to make really awesome friends who change my life, and then bam, they get taken away from me. Por ejemplo: Liz, Chelsea, Courtney, Tessa. One of them is married, two are on missions, one is four hours away from me. I could do a whole post about boys and my bad timing in that area, but we've already discussed that this week. So maybe Heavenly Father is teaching me to love people as much as I can while I have them because I never know when they'll be gone. Or maybe he's teaching me how to be on my own...to love myself and be comfortable with myself.

So in the meantime, while I wait for that friend who I get to keep for forever, I've got a few things to check off my "to-do list."

• make the cookies from this blog and then initiate "random acts of cookies." holy hannah, yes.
• learn how to play the guitar, probably during winter semester because I know who to ask to teach me (that means you, dan).
• hike Timp. somebody, please, next summer, we must do this. anyone.
• run a half-marathon. amen and amen.
• read lots and lots of books on that booklist o'mine.
• venture down to south america.
• cut my hair. goodbye long locks.
• have another night of spontaneity with Tessaface. Let's find another random concert to go to, yes??
• stop worrying. it's hard, but I can do it.

what are you going to do to make life sweeter? divulge in the comments, yo.

go forth.

If you would like some more cool stuff to look at, go here. It's my tumblr, and it is where my right brain manifests itself. Word.