not enough room for a gratitude list done the mcfrenzy way

You know I pretty much write a gratitude list every Monday, right? Even if it doesn't show up on this blog, those things are all over my journal. And yet I never run out of things to list. 'Tis wonderful.

1. haircuts, because sometimes your hair becomes more like a mane, and then it's just a drag. yay for scissors.
2. the amazing music I have discovered this year. the trick is to surround yourself with people that don't listen to music on the radio...and sha-bam, you will have excellent taste in music.
3. Preach My Gospel. It has become my new favorite study compadre with the scribbers.
4. fuzzy scarves, fuzzy hats, fat puffy vests and coats. i really don't mind the cold because then I get to wear layers.
5. red nail polish, it makes me feel kind of classy. and then I wear old basketball shorts to bed...
6. the night sky. all you gotta do is look up and you'll get lost.
7. autumn, for sticking around long enough for me to relish it. sometimes I wish every month was October.
8. my parents, for helping me make sense of everything that doesn't make sense in this 21-one-year old mind.
9. those funny siblings o'mine. they never cease to crack me up.
10. memories of mexico. it's nice to have good places to back to in your head and live in for awhile, even if it's just for a few minutes.
11. excitement for the future even though I have no idea what's in it.
12. everyone who has ever made me laugh, smile, or cry. you make me feel alive, and that is a good thing.

mature or immature?

I have one more sleep until I am free of this chilly place which has been autumn-less since the end of October. I've been looking at people's pictures who live in Utah and noticing how there are still leaves on the ground. I'm only a little bit peeved about that.

In other news, today I was in the library (how very original) and I started to make this list of my characteristics...because I'm conceited and stuff. Har-har. No, but really I was just trying to discern if I was mature or not. Because a lot of people tell me I'm "mature" for my age, but I don't think they really know me...

• I (usually) can't get through church meetings without laughing at some point. Just don't sit by me if you're funny.
• I jump on the furniture in our apartment regularly.
• I love coloring and doodling. It's not unusual for my class notes to have graffiti all over the margins.
• I have dance parties in the kitchen, in my room, in the library. All by myself.
• I still get the urge to prank people (it's the 17-year old inside of me, ok?!)
• I read Junie B. Jones
• I was a bunch of grapes for Halloween, I mean c'mon.
• I throw books when I get too into them.
• I air-drum when I go running with music.
• I bob my head when I'm jamming while studying...in public.
• I drink milk straight from the jug.
• I laugh during Twilight. Is it supposed to be for real? So I'm supposed to believe that waking up after your wedding night covered in bruises is love? Girl please.
• I felt more like one of the children than a person of authority in Mexico. Those kids saw right through me.
• I play my harmonica for unsuspecting strangers in public.
• If there's a shopping cart nearby, you can bet I'll use it for a quick getaway.
• I wore a shower cap to Broulim's....'nuff said.
• I make designs with my chocolate chips in my pancakes.
• I cross my eyes at people.

So...maybe not so mature after all.

See for yourself.

this was awhile ago, but I've worn worse things on my head recently (*cough* shower cap)

although we were at an ancient historical site, I still somehow found a tree to climb.

I'm a college student. Obviously.

and this is what college students do for fun.

look, I'm climbing another tree!

is this real life?

this should scare you.

Do you ever stop for a second and look at everything happening in your life? Do you ever want to say, "Did that just happen?" And I mean this in a good way of course. I've had a few of these "whoa" moments in the past few days. One was when the devotional speaker was talking about how his grandparents met because the slave ships sailed to America. Then he said (over the pulpit in the BYU-I Center, mind you), "Long live slavery!" I about died.

Then there was last Sunday. Oh the things I could tell! It was like I had a target on my back and God was shooting blessings at me right and left. I almost wanted to say, "Slow down, slow down, I can't carry them all!" Almost everything I read, everything someone said to me, was an answer to prayer. That's what happens when you spend a lot of your time talking to God. He talks right back.

Those of you who know me know that I like to re-read my journals. It helps me make sense of things...Well recently my journal entries from last year at this time have been creepishly similar to the things happening now. It's cuh-razy. I don't know if that's some kind of coincidence or foreshadowing or what, but yeah...journals are cool. End of discussion.

Things I love about life right now: wearing boots and scarves and hats every day, squash for deener, mixed CDs, pregnancy class, Postmodern Literature, none of my roommates playing Christmas music yet, pumpkin frozen yogurt, ward parties, seeing people I know on campus and saying "hi" to them very rambunctiously (I've been told it makes people feel good, so yeah...watch out), saying "rambunctiously" in a sentence, taking naps with the heater on, buying a puffy vest (yes, yes I did), new blonde streaks in my hair (it must be the glare from the snow...), Ye Olde Testament class, 10-page letters to Hermana Bedke, jumping on the furniture in our apartment like a child, triscuits+peanut butter+honey, text messages from TP on the day we've been waiting for for 2 years (like how I say "we," like we're a couple or something?), getting a friend a job (chyeah!), using way too many parenthetical statements.

DUDE. Ok sooooo yeah, life is awesome.

And then there's that Hunger Games trailer.

Sorry, had to.

inevitably, the sun is going to shine through

even the sun finds a way.

I've had a lot on my mind lately, and a lot of it hasn't been encouraging. I know I'm one of those people that's black or white--if I'm happy, I'm really happy, and if I'm sad, I'm really sad. Most of the time, I'm on the brighter side of things. Perhaps it's the weather...I really miss October and autumny-ness. It never lasts long enough where I choose to live. And lately I have been in a shlump, if you will. I feel like a good strike of lightning would cure me, or something to that effect. The thing with life is, you can't wait for stupendous things to happen--you have to make them happen yourself.

I've been reading in my old journals to help me make sense of things. I re-read my journal a lot, because the truth is, most of the hard stuff doesn't make a lot of sense until it's in your rear view mirror. I think it's pretty silly of me to think that one day I'm going to be able to "get it"--that I'll get a trial and be able to say, "Okay, I know exactly what I'm supposed to learn from this." It seems that one of the biggest lessons I have been needing to learn from trials is that I can't do it alone. I can't figure life out by myself; and when I try, I do a really bang-up job. The other half of this crazy equation is that I often feel like I can't figure out what the Lord wants me to do. I sometimes think I have it figured out, and then I'm surprised yet again. I'm constantly being turned around. So right now the trick is being in tune and then putting one foot in front of the other, even if it doesn't make any sense. That's basically the story of my life. And probably all of our lives...

One thing I've found to be helpful is to look for patterns in our lives, just to get a "sneak-peek" as to where the Lord is leading us. One pattern I've noticed is friendship...I seem to make really awesome friends who change my life, and then bam, they get taken away from me. Por ejemplo: Liz, Chelsea, Courtney, Tessa. One of them is married, two are on missions, one is four hours away from me. I could do a whole post about boys and my bad timing in that area, but we've already discussed that this week. So maybe Heavenly Father is teaching me to love people as much as I can while I have them because I never know when they'll be gone. Or maybe he's teaching me how to be on my own...to love myself and be comfortable with myself.

So in the meantime, while I wait for that friend who I get to keep for forever, I've got a few things to check off my "to-do list."

• make the cookies from this blog and then initiate "random acts of cookies." holy hannah, yes.
• learn how to play the guitar, probably during winter semester because I know who to ask to teach me (that means you, dan).
• hike Timp. somebody, please, next summer, we must do this. anyone.
• run a half-marathon. amen and amen.
• read lots and lots of books on that booklist o'mine.
• venture down to south america.
• cut my hair. goodbye long locks.
• have another night of spontaneity with Tessaface. Let's find another random concert to go to, yes??
• stop worrying. it's hard, but I can do it.

what are you going to do to make life sweeter? divulge in the comments, yo.

go forth.

If you would like some more cool stuff to look at, go here. It's my tumblr, and it is where my right brain manifests itself. Word.

a not-so-happy list

So I was going to put a happy list on here, like I usually do on Mondays, but I got home and I just feel like sleeping. That's all I feel like doing these days. And yet, a Spanish test looms on the horizon. As well as some more homework. More and more. It never ends. Then there's registration, which I can't even do yet because my Fast Grad hasn't been approved. It's ok if you don't understand any of this...I don't either.

here's what's been circulating in my brain lately:

• boy who is dumb and uses girl for selfish reasons. and then never talks to her again.
• boy who doesn't ever talk to the girl unless more people are around.
• boy who makes the girl feel awkward even when she says hello. this isn't really the boy's fault....but still. STILL. you bring out the awkwardness in me. is this normal?
• boy who makes the girl think he likes her until she sees him with another girl. say wha?? did you just punk me or something?
• boy who obviously likes a girl and then takes a million jillion years to ask her out, in the meantime she's over-analyzing everything he does/doesn't do and tries to avoid him in order to avoid more things to analyze, but it does not work.
• as you can see, boys are on the brain. what can I say? I've been at BYU-Idaho for too long. oh, and everybody, I mean every.body. is getting engaged. At the same time. Does anyone have a cure for this "all of my friends are getting married" phenomenon? Should I just go for a long run....all the way out of Rexburg? haha

Clearly, I need advice. Or a new stuffed animal.

fridee

hooray for weekends, hooray for hot chocolate with chocolate chips stirred in, hooray for new mixes, hooray for doorbell ditching, hooray for little notes to people i love, hooray for the chilliness which means I get to wear scarves and boots every day, hooray for preach my gospel, hooray for baseball hats, hooray for babies and classes all about them, hooray for 12-year olds who can't stop talking about star wars, hooray for phone calls to connect me to parents, hooray for old journal entries which help me make sense of everything senseless, hooray for running into secret crushes all the time, hooray for letters from out of the country, hooray for soup, hooray for old friends coming to visit, hooray for the temple on the hill, hooray for everything, everything.

and while i'm at it, here's what else is making me happy this week.

1. passion pit, and this song.

2. hocus pocus, a classic. (yes, I am aware it is a halloween movie, but it's still october in my mind)

3. this post by sydney. baby hunger, get thee hence!

4.autumn bike rides.

5. this video--just too good to be true.

6. postmodernism, for making me want to cry every time i do an assignment. the stories are so stinkin' good. all of you should read this book.

7. newspaper poetry.

8. awesome/amazing/brilliant ideas that strike in the middle of the night (sound familiar? the same thing happened about a year ago....and strangely it had to do the with the exact same subject. see number 8.). this one is just...oh man, i don't even have words.

9. this idea to make popcorn, saved me moolah. and now i eat popcorn a lot more. hrm....

what can i say, it's friday and it's november and nobody is playing Christmas music at the moment, so i'm feeling snaaazzy. how is your weekend looking?

dance, dance, dance the night away.