le brain barf

does anyone else feel weird about the new Anne Hathaway?

I just watched the trailer for Les Miserables, p.s. didn't even know that movie existed until now. Also, not sure how I feel about Anne Hathaway singing. I just...yeah. And she's Catwoman? I'm confused on a number of levels.

I need a real job after EFY. I've decided Costco will suffice. Somebody hook me up with them asap. For reals. Can you imagine living in sample heaven 40 hours a week? Ha...okay. But seriously. I need a real job.

Another thing I need: a place to live in Provorem. Everyone has a different opinion about where to live there. Ack! It's too much information. Also, there are way too many places to live. How am I supposed to narrow it down? Gee willicker's. Did you know that is also the name of a restaurant in Eugene, Oregon? But I think they turned it into a pub or something....

Trying to find yellow, semi-cheap, cute, oh and did I mention yellow shoes, is really difficult. All in the name of love.

It's sad that I spent a lot of my day doing that aforementioned activity. But I also read The Kite Runner, which I haven't done in years. Ah! All the emotions! I just cannot...I literally cannot.

I finally got reunited with my bff Lizzy. In Disneyland. What? Yeah, best reunion ever. The only problem was it was a little too short for my liking.

I have learned the return date for Hermana Chelsea Ann Bedke. It is October 9th. You can bet I will be at the SLC airport on that day with a huge embarrassing sign and a Snickers bar. Ready to make a scene.

I'm homesick for Rexburg. It has finally hit me. Oh dear.

I think Instagram is taking over the internet. I don't know how I feel about it...I mean, it's cool and everything. But I think maybe we rely on technology too much to make connections. I like the good old-fashioned, face-to-face stuff. Getting off my soapbox now.

The worst part of a sunburn is the peeling phase. Although I can't really complain about this burn. Because a year ago, I was recovering from the worst sunburn of all time. The tanlines from that particular burn didn't fade for six months. Six months. Sunblock: not just for decoration.

That didn't make sense. I just wanted to use that line from The Santa Claus. I don't know either.

Okay so, let's recap: Anne Hathaway is singing now and I think this is kind of weird, I need a real job, preferably at Costco, I need a place to live, I need yellow shoes and it's taking over my life and it shouldn't be taking over my life even though my life is pretty unexciting right now, except for last week when we went to Disneyland and I saw Lizzy again and her hubs Mark, I'm tackling Chelsea with love when she gets off the plane in October, I kind of miss Rexburg, I don't have a smartphone so maybe that's why I think Instagram is overrated sometimes, I'm peeling like a snake, and I have random lines from The Santa Clause stuck in my head.

Sounds like a brain barf to me.

me, blog? what now?

SUMMAH TO-DOS

listen to more bright eyes, passion pit, and bon iver

hike timp, f'realz

write a letter and throw it into the ocean, in a bottle(!)... or be brave and send it

go to disneyland/party with magical characters

learn 5 songs on the guitar

stargaze legitimately (with a blankie and everything, in a wide open space that is not my backyard which is right next to a busy road which ruins the ambiance)

eat more tacos

play soccer

get more freckles (this is already coming to pass)

run some mo'

climb a tree

go see at least one movie at the scera shell (outside)

go camping up the canyon by ma house

swim in a pool

eat lots of fro-yo (to balance out the running of course)

finish the Book of Mormon!

read a huge book (I started Anna Karenina and oh my gash...I finished 3 other books while I was attempting to read it. Tolstoy is no joke.)

prepare myself mentally for Chelsea Ann Bedke's homecoming in the fall. ACK.

spontaneous DP's wherever I go (dance parties, duh)

bike rides up the heezy

okay, so who wants to join in this mischevious random fun? anybody is welcome to come. except mosquitoes, they are definitely not invited.

faith is ten million times better than fear. and ironically, ten times scarier.

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

"What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?"

"The real world doesn't start after graduation, or marriage. You've been living in the real world your whole life. So go live in it."

All of this and more has been turning and turning on the turntable of my brain lately. And at night, it gets even more constant, because I write in my journal and then all these other thoughts creep in. Thoughts that start with a little somethin-somethin we're all famliar with: what if? What if I took a risk today? What if I did something totally out of character, but totally awesome at the same time? What if?!! What amazing things would be set in motion if I dared to dive in, instead of just dipping in my toes?

Lately I've been upping my scripture study significantly. It's made a world of difference. I'd highly recommend it. Anyway, I was reading in Alma, when all those Lamanites start to be converted because of the sons of Mosiah (who, if you will recall, were "the vilest of sinners." The Atonement is realer than real.). As I was reading, I noticed a note in the margins that said this: "Fear distorts things, while faith makes things clear."

Did you get that? I read it three more times. Fear distorts the truth. It muddles the truth about who we really are, and what we can really do, and that is exactly why Satan loves to use it. He knows that as long as we don't understand who we really are, we don't rise up and be great (which we're all destined to be, by the way). God, on the other hand, uses faith. Faith gets things done. Faith moves us to do awesome things-- things that might scare us at first, but end up being the best things ever.

Often this involves taking risks. Going to BYU-Idaho was a risk. I'd never before in my life set foot in Rexburg. I had only decided to attend the school about three months before I went. But I did, and as you all know (those who have been reading this for awhile), it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

The same goes for Mexico. The entire time I was preparing to go to Mexico, it was kinda like an out of body experience. I kept saying to myself, "McKenzie, is that you?" I would have never done such a thing, moved to another country for three months, to teach? Me?! Ha! But I did, and it was an experience which one or two words could not sufficiently describe. God knew I could do it, and He was trying to coax the better me out of hiding. He was trying to get Kenzie 2.0 to act in faith, instead of the Kenzie 1.0 who doesn't take any risks.

So friends, what are you going to do today that your best self  would do? The upgraded, really sweet version with all of the apps you could possibly imagine. What are you going to do that scares the pants off of you but will end up affecting your life in indescribably awesome ways?

What are you waiting for?! Go do it!

p.s. i briefly reactivated my facespace because i just really wanted this post to be seen.

clueless

I could use a road trip right about now.

Everyone keeps asking me how it feels to be graduated. I honestly don't know...cool I guess. Now what? More school. But not before I get a real job. But not before I have a temporary job for five weeks. Not before I get a car, and move out, and become an adult.

Why must everything have to come before that? I wonder.
Confession time.

confession one: I have no clue what I'm doing right now. But everyone's favorite question to ask me is, "So now what?" I wish I had a clipboard that had "Ideas for what Kenzie should do next" written on the top. So when people asked me that question, I could hand them the clipboard.
confession two: Yes, I'm (maybe) going to grad school, but I feel wayyy underqualified. Grad school is for people who write master theses! What!
confession three: I deactivated my facebook again. Sometimes that thing just really irritates me. I don't want to bore you with why. Just know that I get tired of it, the same way I get tired of being in the mall, or stupid TV shows/TV in general, or music on the radio.
confession four: I have cried more in the past five months than I think I did all last year. Or maybe for the last 21 years. Ha! I'm telling you, my tear ducts are working up the heezy lately. It's okay. Crying is good.
confession five: I'm debating posting this because it's way too Negative Nancy and that's not what people wanna read, is it? You all want a happy list or something right?
confession six: Welp, this is a blog after all. And a human being writes it. Therefore, I am sorry if this comes off as cranky. I feel a bit lost, that's all.
confession seven: Last night I was sitting on my bed, with my journal in my lap, pondering. I'll have you know that this particular time of day is always ripe for revelation, at least for me. Anyway, I was thinking about all of these semi-depressing things and I started to write them out. But then something awesome happened--the Spirit gave me some solutions. They were no-brainers, too. The things you hear in church every week. But I happen to know that the Spirit doesn't mess around, so I'd better get to work.
confession eight: because of number seven, I've decided I need to spend less time on the computer. which means less bloggerizing (sorry all five of you who read this!), and obviously less facebook. you can always call me or (gasp!) write a letter. 'tis possible.
confession nine: my bike+my music=the only solution for my cabin fever right now.
confession ten: living at home when you are a college graduate is kind of hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love not having to cook for myself every day in the midst of homework and I love our cozy house, but I do feel less...independent? It's hard to go from living on your own for 3.5 years to the basement again. But I'm working on it!

Any words of encouragement would be loverly. I hope you don't hate on this blog now because my confession session was mostly complaints. :/