Saturday, February 7, 2009

What's been happening at your nearest Quizno's? You Don't Want to Know...

  • Something which disturbs me greatly: the fact that the dumpster always smells like a dead body and today two cop cars were over there. Oh dear…
  • Something inevitable: The fact that I always work with Dee/McKay and I always end up laughing while eating pickles simultaneously for my entire shift.
  • The fact that when I’m running the register we always seem to run out of stuff, a.k.a. paper, staples, and sanity.
  • People make me laugh. Seriously. This guy once added bacon to his prime rib sandwich. I wanted to ask, “Would you like a heart attack on the side?” Also, don’t ask me what comes on the Turkey Ranch and Swiss. You know. And when I say “Is this for here or to go?” don’t answer “Yes.” Because that confuses both of us and turns the ordering process into yet another awkward moment. Mostly for me. Because I didn’t ask you a yes or no question.
  • On Saturdays, you can do a few things when the bidnez gets slow: dip the bread ends in the oil and see how soon they will catch on fire in the oven, play Frisbee with the flatbreads, catch stuff with the knives, and/or sit up front and wait for a customer to come in. When someone does approach the door, we play “not it.” Slackers!
  • We think that the sink up front is possessed. Every time you turn the hot water up, the faucet rattles and shakes and roars and then with a final gasp, the water stops running. Some of us think it’s the ghosts of employees past.
  • The “muzak” player has two choices of songs: 1, “the-I’m-too-old-to-be-hearing-this-nonsense-and-will-you-please-get-me-an-aspirin,” and 2, “Should’ve had a V8!” (that’s how bad it is. It will make you feel like you’re eating junk food.
  • Funny: how 75% of all customers run straight into the door that says "Please Use Other Door" and then continue trying to open it even though it's locked. Some people even shake it until they think it will break off the hinges. You know what? You could always take a mili-step to the left and use the door that's unlocked. Just to make things easier. And less humiliating.
  • Funnier: The person who every once in a while walks in and says, "Why'd you get rid of your orange chicken?" Then I have to make sure I'm wearing my Quizno's shirt and that all of our Quizno's logos are in full view before I point out the (even more) obvious. "Uhhhh, Panda Express is next door." Then they give me another puzzled look and (you guessed it), try to exit out the door that is locked. Strike two!
  • Funniest: When we run out of stuff at the pepper bar, people usually tell us that we need to restock and we take care of it. Others, however, take matters into their own hands. There are three big jars of the peppers on display above the actual pepper bar. Who knows how long they've been there. Well, once this lady decided she was going to try and crack one of 'em open. She huffed and puffed and still couldn't unscrew the darn thing! Finally we told her that those jars were display only...and that she probably shouldn't open them for the sake of her nose.

8 comments:

shawn said...

that was REALLY funny kenz. thanks i needed a laugh today.

Terri said...

Oh Kenny those bring fond memories of my days at Mickey D's. This is good for ya it helps to put your own family in perspective. See we arent as dysfunctional as others. I fear this blog will reach quiznos corporate and youre gonna be replacin the flat bread. Just 100 days and you can go back to tranquil BYU I. Love you missy maybe Ill come and get a sandwhich and cause trouble.

Jen said...

Oh now that was funny stuff my girl! Thanks for the good laugh! Love you!

Em said...

hahah! that was great Kenz.

Amy said...

You may be bored, but you're making the best of it. right?

FatherOfFour said...

Nicely done Kenz. It didn't have any bathroom humor, but it was still hilarious. Come to think of it, I don't think we would want to know anything about what goes on in the Quiznos bathrooms. Ewe!!! Carol and I had a good laugh. I'll make sure to use the right door (or is it the left?) if I ever go to a Quiznos.

FatherOfFour said...

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Thanks for the birthday card. I enjoyed your comment on that, too. Don't worry, I would never try to be as cruel as some G-rated movies...

A THORN AMONG ROSES said...

With not being around your family as much as I wish we could and your quiet disposition this blog site has been VERY informative. I am glad to get to know you more. VERY funny stuff. I laughed outloud many times while reading your Quiznos blog and had to read it to Wendy. Thanks.