me, blog? what now?

SUMMAH TO-DOS

listen to more bright eyes, passion pit, and bon iver

hike timp, f'realz

write a letter and throw it into the ocean, in a bottle(!)... or be brave and send it

go to disneyland/party with magical characters

learn 5 songs on the guitar

stargaze legitimately (with a blankie and everything, in a wide open space that is not my backyard which is right next to a busy road which ruins the ambiance)

eat more tacos

play soccer

get more freckles (this is already coming to pass)

run some mo'

climb a tree

go see at least one movie at the scera shell (outside)

go camping up the canyon by ma house

swim in a pool

eat lots of fro-yo (to balance out the running of course)

finish the Book of Mormon!

read a huge book (I started Anna Karenina and oh my gash...I finished 3 other books while I was attempting to read it. Tolstoy is no joke.)

prepare myself mentally for Chelsea Ann Bedke's homecoming in the fall. ACK.

spontaneous DP's wherever I go (dance parties, duh)

bike rides up the heezy

okay, so who wants to join in this mischevious random fun? anybody is welcome to come. except mosquitoes, they are definitely not invited.

faith is ten million times better than fear. and ironically, ten times scarier.

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

"What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?"

"The real world doesn't start after graduation, or marriage. You've been living in the real world your whole life. So go live in it."

All of this and more has been turning and turning on the turntable of my brain lately. And at night, it gets even more constant, because I write in my journal and then all these other thoughts creep in. Thoughts that start with a little somethin-somethin we're all famliar with: what if? What if I took a risk today? What if I did something totally out of character, but totally awesome at the same time? What if?!! What amazing things would be set in motion if I dared to dive in, instead of just dipping in my toes?

Lately I've been upping my scripture study significantly. It's made a world of difference. I'd highly recommend it. Anyway, I was reading in Alma, when all those Lamanites start to be converted because of the sons of Mosiah (who, if you will recall, were "the vilest of sinners." The Atonement is realer than real.). As I was reading, I noticed a note in the margins that said this: "Fear distorts things, while faith makes things clear."

Did you get that? I read it three more times. Fear distorts the truth. It muddles the truth about who we really are, and what we can really do, and that is exactly why Satan loves to use it. He knows that as long as we don't understand who we really are, we don't rise up and be great (which we're all destined to be, by the way). God, on the other hand, uses faith. Faith gets things done. Faith moves us to do awesome things-- things that might scare us at first, but end up being the best things ever.

Often this involves taking risks. Going to BYU-Idaho was a risk. I'd never before in my life set foot in Rexburg. I had only decided to attend the school about three months before I went. But I did, and as you all know (those who have been reading this for awhile), it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

The same goes for Mexico. The entire time I was preparing to go to Mexico, it was kinda like an out of body experience. I kept saying to myself, "McKenzie, is that you?" I would have never done such a thing, moved to another country for three months, to teach? Me?! Ha! But I did, and it was an experience which one or two words could not sufficiently describe. God knew I could do it, and He was trying to coax the better me out of hiding. He was trying to get Kenzie 2.0 to act in faith, instead of the Kenzie 1.0 who doesn't take any risks.

So friends, what are you going to do today that your best self  would do? The upgraded, really sweet version with all of the apps you could possibly imagine. What are you going to do that scares the pants off of you but will end up affecting your life in indescribably awesome ways?

What are you waiting for?! Go do it!

p.s. i briefly reactivated my facespace because i just really wanted this post to be seen.

clueless

I could use a road trip right about now.

Everyone keeps asking me how it feels to be graduated. I honestly don't know...cool I guess. Now what? More school. But not before I get a real job. But not before I have a temporary job for five weeks. Not before I get a car, and move out, and become an adult.

Why must everything have to come before that? I wonder.
Confession time.

confession one: I have no clue what I'm doing right now. But everyone's favorite question to ask me is, "So now what?" I wish I had a clipboard that had "Ideas for what Kenzie should do next" written on the top. So when people asked me that question, I could hand them the clipboard.
confession two: Yes, I'm (maybe) going to grad school, but I feel wayyy underqualified. Grad school is for people who write master theses! What!
confession three: I deactivated my facebook again. Sometimes that thing just really irritates me. I don't want to bore you with why. Just know that I get tired of it, the same way I get tired of being in the mall, or stupid TV shows/TV in general, or music on the radio.
confession four: I have cried more in the past five months than I think I did all last year. Or maybe for the last 21 years. Ha! I'm telling you, my tear ducts are working up the heezy lately. It's okay. Crying is good.
confession five: I'm debating posting this because it's way too Negative Nancy and that's not what people wanna read, is it? You all want a happy list or something right?
confession six: Welp, this is a blog after all. And a human being writes it. Therefore, I am sorry if this comes off as cranky. I feel a bit lost, that's all.
confession seven: Last night I was sitting on my bed, with my journal in my lap, pondering. I'll have you know that this particular time of day is always ripe for revelation, at least for me. Anyway, I was thinking about all of these semi-depressing things and I started to write them out. But then something awesome happened--the Spirit gave me some solutions. They were no-brainers, too. The things you hear in church every week. But I happen to know that the Spirit doesn't mess around, so I'd better get to work.
confession eight: because of number seven, I've decided I need to spend less time on the computer. which means less bloggerizing (sorry all five of you who read this!), and obviously less facebook. you can always call me or (gasp!) write a letter. 'tis possible.
confession nine: my bike+my music=the only solution for my cabin fever right now.
confession ten: living at home when you are a college graduate is kind of hard. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I love not having to cook for myself every day in the midst of homework and I love our cozy house, but I do feel less...independent? It's hard to go from living on your own for 3.5 years to the basement again. But I'm working on it!

Any words of encouragement would be loverly. I hope you don't hate on this blog now because my confession session was mostly complaints. :/

for emily, forever ago

i'mma be here soon...

Didja like how I did that? How I totally just used one of my favorite albums to title this post? Well...I kinda did. 


Except this post is for Emily, not Emma. 


Anyway.


Back in the day, I asked you guys if you wanted me to do a FAQ page, because I was fooling myself into thinking a whole bunch of people read this blog and asked me questions. The truth is, I am not blogger famous and probably never shall be, and so I have no need for a FAQ page. 


However, one of my frequent commenters, who also happens to be my aunt, asked me a few random questions in the comment box that day. 


Dear Emily, this is for you.


"Question: How many roommates do you have? Are they tolerable creatures? How often do you have access to gas-powered vehicles? How many cardigans do you own? When was the last time someone cooked you something delicious? Where would you go, right now, no budget/time constraints? Would you return? What does that duct tape say on your face?"


Answer: 
1) I have...er had...five roommates. They were all pretty hilarious. I've had some good ones over the years. But alas, now I have exactly four roommates, and we're all related. Things get hairy.


2) Yes, they are (were) tolerable creatures. I'm talking about my old roommates right now. I could go into more detail but I have lots of stories and I have to do the voices...trust me. My roommates currently are pretty legit. I cook dinner for them sometimes and they wake me up in the morning by bustin' down the door.


3) I have access to gas-powered vehicles 10% of the time. Ok maybe not that much...me and Isaac shared his car for awhile until I realized my license was expired. I do not own a car of my own. Again, things get hairy.


4) I think I own at least ten cardigans, if I'm being conservative. The real question is how many items of striped clothing do I have...ha.


5) The last time I cooked something delicious was my lunch! It was a whole wheat tortilla (which I made myself, chyes!), with eggs, spinach, a little bit o' mozzarella cheese, some of those bacon sprinkles from Costco, and avocado. *dead* Everything is better with bacon sprinkles. The end, amen. 


6) If I could go anywhere right now, I'd probably backpack through Europe. Even if I didn't have a budget, I'd wanna do it "budget-style," or whatever it is when you stay in hostels. I'd probably splurge one night, though...and it would be in the Swiss Alps! Oh and I probably would splurge for food as well. 


7) If that vacation played out like the movie "Taken" (worst fear), then I would not return. Assuming I wasn't as dumb as the girls in the movie, though, I'd probably make my way home eventually after a few months. 
One thing I've learned from traveling: you never know how much you'll miss your bathroom until it's gone.


8) The duct tape on my face in that picture says: "yeah, this was my idea. 'what? i can't hear you!'" The story goes like this: my old roomie Chelsea (the blonde in the photo) and I were bestos. And we couldn't shut up around each other when it came time to study. One night we were having a particularly hard time, so I finally suggested that we duct tape our mouths shut. We're not one to take things figuratively, you know (freshman year we had a poetry slam...with berets, coffee mugs, scarves...and forlorn glances. I don't make this stuff up.). So the duct tape went on. And we proceeded to write our very own "status" or whatever on the tape, so nobody would ask questions. Sarah, her sister, was recently engaged, so she wanted to announce that on her adhesive square. Chels was also referring to a boy on her piece of tape. And mine was about how my headphones were usually in so I could block out Chels talking to me and focus (which, as you can see from the duct-tape, did not work). So I would always just say "I can't hear you!" That was a really long explanation.


Want to know more randomness about my life? Go ahead...ask me. I dare you. 

movies that are perfect: part one

Ok, so I talk about books and music a lot on dis here blog. Mostly music. I'll be doing a more in-depth, awesome book post latah. But for now, I just need you guys to know some movies that you must see as soon as physically possible. Aight? Trust me on this. I grew up in a family of movie-snobs. Basically, there are "movies that mom and dad would approve of and therefore movies that are worthwhile" and "movies that mom and dad would laugh at because of their foolish facepalm-ness and you should stay far far away from them," or in other words "movies with adam sandler or any of his likenesses as the lead" (cough *Jack and Jill* cough).

I'm sorry if that offended anybody. For the record, I do like The Wedding Singer. /end rant

Now, let's get down to bidnez, shall we?

On the Waterfront

I don't care if you don't like black and white movies (and if you are one of those people, I am really sorry for you). You absolutely need to watch this if you want to feel good about movies again. Marlon Brando is the epitome of amazeballs. This is one of my favorite movies ever of all time.

Midnight in Paris

I just watched this again recently and it made me smile so big my teeth were showing. It also made me proud to be an English major and understand all of the references to classic American literature. Also, Ernest Hemingway is fine. The end.

Groundhog Day

For the record, "What About Bob" is also a classic, but I watched both of those pretty recently and Groundhog Day made me laugh harder, so I'll try to convince you to watch it in case you haven't done so already and therefore have deprived yourself of one of the greatest cinematic joys that ever existed.

A River Runs Through It

Ahh yeah. This movie makes the transcendentalist in me come out and want to go climb mountains and ford streams. Did I just say "ford streams"? Anyway...this is a beautiful movie and the story is pretty great, too. I should tell you it was a book first and the book is just...I can't even...

Napoleon Dynamite

I'm aware that there are haters out there.

Haters is gonna hate.

I love it, the end, amen.

The Dead Poets Society

When I first saw the title of this movie, I said to myself, "What the junk?!" Yeah, deep. Then 10th grade English class came around and we watched it and bam, I knew this movie was my cinematic soulmate. I'll explain what that means later...when I figure it out myself.

Fun fact: my mom went into labor with me while watching this movie.

Roman Holiday

Again with the black and white films...seriously. This one is so stinking good. I think it was Audrey Hepburn's first movie (correct me if I'm wrong). A lot of people like Breakfast at Tiffany's, but honestly, have they seen this?! Have they? As far as I know, Gregory Peck was not in that movie. Just sayin'.

To Kill a Mockingbird

Yes, Gregory Peck is in this one, too. If you don't see this movie before you die, then I hope you ask the keeper of the heavenly gates to give you 2 more hours on earth just so you can watch it.

F'real.

Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley Version...obviously)

I have seen pretty much every version of this book-turned-movie, and lemme just say, this one hits the spot. Everything about it is lovely.

Bright Star

Wait...wait...what? Did I just imagine you saying "I've never heard of that movie" or "I've never seen that movie"??!! Okay. Honestly, do not deprive yourself any longer. This is probably one of the top ten most beauteous films ever made.

Remember the Titans

It's a classic for a reason, people. I need you to see it and get happy goosebumps all over. Runners-up for awesome sports movies: Rocky (the one and only), Rudy, Miracle, and Hoosiers

Warrior

If you haven't seen a movie with Tom Hardy in it yet...this one will break you in. It's good to the tenth power. Yeah, that good.

You've Got Mail

On a scale from 1-20, 20 being the most perfect movie ever made, this movie is an 18.

Never mind, it's a 20.

While You Were Sleeping

Lizzy and I watched this hundreds of times growing up. I'm pretty sure both of us can quote the entire thing. Just go see it, ok?

Dan in Real Life

Remember what I said about You've Got Mail?
I would like to repeat that for this movie as well.

Oh yeah, and the soundtrack is pretty excellent, too.

The Kid

I loved this when I was younger,but I watched it a little while ago and it made me laugh out loud so many times. Also, if you haven't ever seen The Sixth Sense, this is almost the same thing, without the scary-movie factor. Bruce Willis+little boy/ghost/not-ghost sub-plot.

Ok, it's not the same thing at all.

Just watch it, aight?

The Goonies

I went through a phase as a kid when I watched this movie like ten times a week. For real, it's a classic. And so is the Truffle Shuffle. Ha

the most random thing you probably ever read

I shall leave you with this random but awesome picture of mexican children calling for help (write a caption in the comments if you wanna, just for my entertainment.)

one week ago I was in a daze, basically. i woke up in a hotel room after a crazy graduation night and my dad said to me, "this is the first day of the rest of your life."

welp,

the rest of my life so far has looked like dis:

I got a job (tender mercy, amen). I work from home stuffing envelopes and addressing them. I get paper cuts up the heezy. for real, right now I have one on my index finger that burns like Hades. i once heard a boy say that Hades isn't a place, it's a Disney character.

ha. what did he know? I'm pretty sure God invented Hades before Walt did.

Because of aforementioned job, I have to keep myself entertained or else I might just start shoving my face into solid objects, like walls and doors and stuff.

I listened to music at first but then my ears got tired, so I decided I would wear out my eyes instead.

So far I have watched both seasons of Downton Abbey (seeeriously, PBS?! what the junk happened? How are you so addicting?).

in case you need a reason to watch it.

And I re-watched the last few seasons of LOST. And fell in love with its awesomeness yet again. I bow to you, crazy creators of LOST. Even though you drove me nuts at the time, now I get it, and I think you are amazeballs.

charlie...oh charlie. I miss you so.

My mom did a photo shoot for a cookie cookbook, and brought home a jillion cookies, or in other words, she brought home a bag of my number one weakness. It's like...if I was an alcoholic, and my mom brought home a case of vodka.

But not just one kind of vodka...every single kind of vodka ever invented. Ya dig?

So what I'm saying is, she brought home every kind of cookie ever invented. Chocolate chip oatmeal, M&M, carrot cake, chocolate-dipped, chocolate-chip shortbread, coconut hershey kiss. FOR REALZ. But the best one...was chocolate-chip-pretzel.

Um, what? I would like to publicly praise whoever invented this glorious delectable.

How did we not know that crushing up pretzels and putting them in a chocolate chip cookie would be amaze.balls. I mean how. Also, there were pretzel M&Ms in it.

Dead.

I went to a bridal shower for one of my lovely ex-roommates (ok, that was the weirdest thing I've ever typed). And it turns out lots of my other ex-roommates were there! I love reunions so much. And awkward presents. Heh.

It rained and rained and I decided I really do love the rain. Almost as much as I love the sun. So I'll take both in heavy doses, half-and-half, thank you much.

We drove to Midway/Park City/Heber and I remembered I love the mountains and I want to live there. I also went to Whole Foods for the first time and observed that 99% of the people in there were wearing workout clothing. Ha. Take from that what you will.

Also, it made me feel poor to observe the chocolate section (one 5 oz piece was six buckaroos).

And also proud that I make my own bread and yogurt so I don't hafta pay them $7 for a loaf and $6 for a container. Stickin' it to the (super-healthy-and-smells-like-hemp-and-vitamins) man.

I thought about chopping my hair off again because this fishtail braiding nonsense is getting ridikkilus, dontcha think?I figured once school was out I would actually do my hair again.

Who am I kidding? I stuff envelopes all day.

I'll stick wit da braids.

No, I'm not at Coachella. I almost forgot about it, and then people started blogging about how they are there/how awesome it is/bon iver this/bon iver that. I want to kick something.

Word to people I have written letters to: it's okay with me if you write me back. In fact, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do it. I won't mind opening those envelopes, if you know what I'm saying.

Word to people who want a letter from me but haven't actually asked: ask.

don't forget, if you're getting sick of this blog I have another one, where I don't talk.

homestretch (or way too many parenthetical statements)

I feel like this right now.

here i am, just sittin' on my bed, with a bunch of my crap all over the place.

(word to my mother: it's going to be organized and packed by the time you arrive)

I have exactly 3 finals left to take, all tomorrow. I was shooting for straight A's but senioritis is brutal and leaves no survivors...

(hence the graduation ceremony this friday at 5:45, be there or be a square)

I'll settle for a few B's this time around.

I am so very sleepy. But this perpetual sleepiness is about to end, I think.

And a bunch of other things, too.

Like...

studying in the library (did that for the last time today)

or tutoring in the reading center (finished that on friday)

or working out in the Hart Building (I don't even remember...)

or using that dadgum oven that burns everything (successfully made some dutch babies on saturday and that was it)

or grocery shopping at overpriced places

(eating the last week of school is straight up ridiculous, btw)

or not doing my hair because i just plain do not have time

or devotionals (last one was last tuesday)

yeah, this is what the end feels like.

it feels like fall 2008 was 10 years ago.

and I know now, without any doubt in my mind,

that it's time to go.

so go I shall!

the next time I write on this, I will be a BYU-Idaho Alumni.

(I feel too young to have that license plate cover thing, just sayin')

Weird.

oh yeah, and I don't think I can use the "college" tag anymore after this.

I'll have to make one just for grad school. *shudder*