I guess I need to rename this blog thang

perhaps I'll rename it "that's so mckenzie"

Lately, I've had a lot of people tell me emphatically that I am not a redhead and therefore should not have named my blog thus.

Before I offer up photographic evidence that proves them all wrong, I'll just ask you for some ideas in the comments section. And nothing cheesy like "the life and times of mckenzie-girl." Heck to the no. There are already 1,000 blogs with a title almost exactly like that one.

I digress...

Last week I was a vegetable and quarantined myself in my room for most of those 7 days. Being sick is no fun. I hope this is all the sickness I get for the year. P.S. my journal entries from that time period are going to be a great case against drugs someday. F'real.

A little bit of randomness floating in my daylight-savings-ized brain (yep, I just verbed that word. And verbed the word "verb." I'm just that cool. Or I've been in school for far too long...)

• There are 20-something days of school left. Twenty. I can hardly believe it's real! I feel like I need to get out and do all my favorite things in Rexburg before those 20 days are up. And maybe finally climb R Mountain?? Who's with me?
• Today I taught my student from Japan what "swagger" means. I really am gonna miss this job.
• Spring is finally here. Meaning I wore a skirt to class today. Without tights. And my sweet shades which everyone thinks are expensive Ray Bans, but really they were a buck, just fyi.
• My freckles have begun to show up again, and I broke out my Chacos at last, so here comes the zig-zag tan. I have been waiting to see those two things since I returned from Mexico a year ago (?!). No foolin'.
• I applied for a job in Provo today, and started looking for housing, and pretty soon I'm gonna look for someplace I can take GRE prep classes. It's really happening...ahh! I still scratch my head and ask Heavenly Father if He's sure. Because I'm really not. Six months from now I know I'll be glad I listened to Him.
• I recently figured out that I like wearing scarves...right in time for all the snow to melt and the sun to make me all sweaty-like. Too bad.
• Even though I love writing letters (to the 50th power), there's nothing like seeing an envelope in the mailbox with my name on it. Especially from someone who didn't get one from me in the first place.
• I've taught a bunch of people my "super-secret" superhero handshake this semester. I'm trying to spread it like that Kony Video. I'll probably fail, but...at least I tried, right?
• I made lasagna and cheesecake and bread sticks for the first time evah on Sunday and fed it to 7 hungry people. I'm pretty sure feeding people is my new favorite hobby.
• I made summer plans that include grilled cheese sandwiches+picnics, bike rides up the heezy, eating contests, and learning new languages. Did I mention these plans were made with my 7-year old sister? Oh okay then.
• I found out Bon Iver is coming to SLC in May! Best news of my life. Well, okay, not the best, but still pretty amazeballs.

What's going on wit you people? Do tell. I feel like we haven't talked in forevers. It might be because you never comment. Or it might be because I was under the influence of Sudafed last week. Your pick.

headless chicken

I'm sorry for the horrible images conjured up in your mind by the blog title.

However, it epitomizes what I felt like basically all day.

The days/weeks after a long weekend are always kind of skeewompus. It's a bit hard landing back on my feet, and I just need that extra day off to get over my days off. Make sense? Well I knew it was going to be one of those "recovery-without-the-recovery" days when I woke up at 7:50am, ten minutes before my first class, which happens to be fifteen minutes away.

Guhhhhffff.

When the alarm doesn't go off, even when I set it correctly (AM, not PM, for once!), and somehow I am still twenty minutes late to class...oh I just want to throw that alarm. But I have a bad arm. Never been good at throwing objects.

So instead of being all mopey-dopey, how's about I make a happy list and try to feel bettah? Okay then.

1)Nacho Libre. "Get that corn outta my face!" I know you just laughed a little bit to yourself, am I right?

2) Heavy rains pulling into Rexburg, and then sunshine all day today. Maybe spring really is here. Oh wait, it's June. So what season is this, then? Sprummer? {spring+summer can't make up its mind}

3) 500-page wedding magazines that my roommates buy and leave on the counter for me to read while I eat breakfast. Every girl likes ogling at dresses every now and then. And I ain't afraid to admit it.

4)finding this saweet language-learning program on byui's website that is not only free but has probably been there the whole time I've been in school... and I'm just now finding it?!*Facepalm* Don't worry, I'm gonna use it now. I already learned that you only say "Buenos dias" from 12pm-7pm. The whole time I was in Mexico I always wondered when to switch from "Buenos dias" to "Buenas noches." Was it at sunset? When the first stars came out? When the Mexicans start eyeing you like the white girl you are if you use it incorrectly? Usually we went with that last one. Never failed.

5) filling up all of the weekends of June with activities so that this month will sprint by. And then I will be left at the end saying "Three weeks of school left say what?!"

6) planning my schedule for next semester...and you thought this semester's was good. Well now I only have two left, and I made them fun on purpose. Soccer, spanish, soccer, spanish... you get the picture.

7)cheating on that no-sugar thing over the weekend, realizing it was a bad idea when I felt pukey and headachey all the way home, deciding sugar isn't my best friend anymore, goodbye sugar. I'm not even sad. But G's Dairy Delights might be because they lost a customer....who hasn't even been all semester anyway. Doink.

8) coming up with more funny/random ideas for this blog o'mine. I know that little sidebar says I have 26 followers, but really I think I have ten times more, because I keep finding new readers stumbling upon it each day...usually from Panama, Portugal, Brazil, Ukraine, Mexico (all over, not just where I lived), Africa, Iran, etc. Who are you people?! But hey....keep reading my blog. It's usually better than this. I think. Anonymous blog stalkers welcome! (I do it too)

9) Realizing that in 24 hours, I will be on my way to the mountains, far away from papers and discussion boards and grades. And you can bet I'll wear my yellow hat when I go.

10) this song. the best line: "when you run, make sure you run to something and not away from."

i'm not sure about this feeling, but i can embrace it

Phew. Folks, I did it. I wrote a post every day for a week. Except I maybe sorta cheated and wrote 3 posts at once and then posted them on their corresponding days. Oh well.

Right now I'm sitting in the San Fransisco Airport. I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically. The sun just set quite nicely outside the window. I tried the water from the water fountain and it tasted funny. Nobody is staring at my sandaled-feet. Nobody is speaking Spanish. Why aren't they speaking Spanish to me? I would speak it to them. But they wouldn't understand...I don't even understand.

Oh, and I'm freezing. Kinda shivering, actually.

Did I mention I was in California?

I hope I bring some spring-ish weather back with me in 2 hours....

I don't know if I'll ever be able to write everything I feel about Mexico. Maybe that's what makes it so special...I can't write it out. I can try my best, but I'll never capture it just quite right.

I'll never be able to explain how eerily wonderful it was to walk to the bus station this morning with 3 of my best friends, the sidewalks empty, my luggage rumbling across the cobblestones, the church bells echoing through the dark streets, thinking about my first night...

I'll never be able to explain what it felt like to watch my kids perform their spectacle on Friday and to have them hug me afterwards and tell me they loved me. I can't explain what it was like for my kids at the other school to bake me a cake, and they didn't even shove my face in it (Mexican tradition...).

I'll never be able to explain the bond we had as teachers. I felt like I knew them all for much longer than 3 months. Clearly it was meant to be. It's true that there are no coincidences....so God must have brought us all here at the same time for a reason. I don't know if I can tell you in words what the reason was. But maybe you can feel it when you read what I've written.

“Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before.”

-Erich Fromm

i can't help it if i daydream in public

pedaling backwards

inhale, exhale,

and here comes summer

early mornings when

first and last become one

eyes are tired, restless

hair undone

my mind is elsewhere

everyone can see it

if only they could feel it,

too.

little hugs with little arms

when i woke up there was a breeze

bringing with it

words i don't know how to write

only feel

we walked through

a familiar neighborhood in the dark,

i felt so safe,

and people call it dangerous.

before i came, everyone told me

to be safe

never go alone, never look up, never be without fear

but they should have warned me

of how i would fall so easily

for those faces

their arms brush past,

just like that breeze

all at once i'm home again

home again.

home.

but really it's an hour ahead

startled, we woke up late

the clocks hadn't changed by themselves

but time waits for nobody,

never has

never will

plan--pancakes

plan--fail

nothing to light the flames

we ate cake instead.

but none of us complained.

i've stopped complaining about certain things

and maybe i am grateful for them instead

or maybe i just ignore them

it feels more like gratitude than anything

words from those who know better

i write them down

but they've already written themselves

inside of me, like they were supposed to be there

all along

i close my notebook, walk home in the sun,

feel the sun, don't forget the way it feels

i see photos of people i know in

the places i normally live

their noses are red and frozen

i shake in my boots.

la ultima semana

my last week in tehuacan is bearing down on me now.

i can feel it, edging its way into my bed at night, haunting me.

and then i wake up and try to forget about it, but it won't leave me alone.

in order to alleviate the pain/excitement/joy/relief/happiness/sadness

which is starting to feel more like an anvil of emotion, rather than words,

i'm going to write something for every last day that i'm here.

starting today.

conference in a small room, baptismal font filling up slowly behind me.

cars honking outside, american missionaries reminding me of 17-year-olds.

watermelon with lots of seeds.

it's hot, i can feel my hair pasting itself to my back. oh hair, why don't i cut you off.

but i change my mind again. other people's wedding pictures can be very persuasive.

another mexican party, as soon as we arrived the lights began flashing

i'm used to being a celebrity because of my skin color

but this time it was God moving furniture

loud and beautiful, followed with rain, blessed rain.

oregon flashbacks, always accompany rain.

I was the only one standing in it, everyone else underneath the garage.

lots of Mexicans staring, I kept dancing. Even in my ruined clothes.

All my clothes are ruined.

I'm glad, though. It means I don't have to take them with me,

I get to leave a piece of myself behind, the old self.

while I'm dancing in a circle with Mexicans who have hips,

I notice that I'm dancing too, but I'm not caring

about everyone watching {and everyone is watching}

just like the rain, I've fallen into a place

I didn't expect

And it absorbed me.

it's been fun

i love them far too much.

once you tacos al pastor, you never go back.

you should visit it someday. put it on your bucket list riiight now.

I nearly lost my torta on this ride.

five-star hotel room in Mexico City (complete with an autographed headboard)

this is Teo, our stake president, my second father in Mexico, at our favorite taco joint (where I ate that tear-inducing salsa)

yes, I actually jimmy-rigged a bandage for my missing toenail incident. Just be glad I didn't post the picture without the bandage.

March is pretty much over. Shoot that was fast. A little too fast for my liking.

We always count down to something big, something we're looking forward to, and before we know it, all of the little things {the most important} have sped by and we're left with a date on the calendar like the 31st.

Time is so cruel sometimes.

in the month of march,

*I got over sun poisoning, just in time to get the turista (you don't wanna know)

*I lost a toenail, which I must say looks pretty ridiculous painted over

*I decided to go home a week early and thanks to some serious generosity, I will be home soon (add an extra day to this...next sunday at midnight my friends)

*I rode a roller coaster for the first time and almost lost my insides

*I slept underground in Mexico City on a small bed with a slab of concrete for the box spring...it sounds sketchy because it is

*I walked through two beautiful cathedrals

*I ate too many delicious tacos. I wish you could all partake of their deliciousness. Taco Bell=never again.

*I shed more sweat than I knew was possible. And then decided to never move to Arizona.

*I finished Alma and started in on Mosiah (I'm not reading it chronologically this time)

*I registered for my classes...senior year. Psyche.

*Chelsea left on her mission and I didn't get to say goodbye.

*I played more soccer and got kicked/hit with a soccer ball/shoved while doing it.

*I ate tacos filled with sesa (pig brains, remember), barbacoa (sheep), cactus, and salsa so hot it made me cry.

*I taught my Mexican children mine and Chelsea's super-secret-handshake, which isn't so secret anymore. It'll be all over Mexico soon, I'm sure.

*I killed 50 zillion cockroaches. Blurgh.

*I packed my stuff, then kinda unpacked it again, then packed again. What is going on with my emotions here?

*One word: freckles.

*I created a new holiday: Jesus Bracelet Wednesday (you'll see soon enough).

*I accidentally got on allrecipes.com and all of a sudden I got excited to cook for myself again. Like, real bad.

*I prayed for rain.

*I sent three postcards.

*I said "No speaking Spanish" 1,543 times.

*I washed all my clothes with a tub and a bar of soap.

*I visited the zocalo and it's amazing, you know.

*I fell even more in love with Mexico. It's been good to me.

And now, here comes April, yet another month full of surprises and goals being accomplished, and countdowns to the next thing. Only this time, I'm only counting down to tomorrow.

"Surely God would not have created such a being as man, with an ability to grasp the infinite, to exist only for a day! No, no, man was made for immortality."
Abraham Lincoln